can't get over my oneititis... and NOT new to this game

[powpow]

So I have been doing DJ stuff for maybe about two years now.

I feel like I have a good grasp on it.

But I still can not get over my ex girlfriend. I was with her while I was in Japan about a year ago. When I moved back to the states, we tried to make it work, but in the end, she didnt speak english, so we did long distance for about 2 months and then called it off.
I've tried everything to get over her. Notice I say get over... not forget. Those were the best times in my life.

I went through a phase where I was trying to get over her... and slept with over 30 people. Still her thoughts and memories are closer than ever.

She still appears in my dreams and it's really hindering me moving on to give new girls a chance. She was just so perfect, and I feel that I made a mistake to move back to the states. But I am in a med school program now, which means too much debt to drop what I am doing and go back to japan.

how have my brothers gotten over things like this?

 

[Renegade357]

If you're so experienced you would know not to get Oneitis to begin with.

Anyway listen to that song by Geto Boys "My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me" about 500 times. Bang another 30 "people" (mostly women I hope?). Then replace her.

 

[sylvester the cat]

no matter how much DJ's go on about 'oneitis' and how not to get it, sooner or later you might be lucky to find a girl who actually sparks your interest, so much so that you can't stop thinking about her. nothing wrong with that. it's what makes us human. it's how we deal with it is what matters.

i had this problem. i never had a problem with women and most seemed to be a nuisance rather than anything meaningful until i met one that i couldnt get out of my head. we played mind games etc and it got as far as me getting engaged to another whilst she went one step further and married and had a child by another...thoughts that she would never be mine tormented me for years.

how did i get over it? i accepted that one day she would eventually be mine despite her being married, a mother and living on the other side of the world..she literally coudln't be any further.

as soon as i accepted that we would be together eventually, my mind relaxed and i met someone else. now i wonder why i spent so much energy on her...

of course i'm now involved in the same game with another but that's another story...

 

[Renegade357]

Haha, if you do everything right you won't get the ole 'oneitis'. That means protecting yourself and your heart and making sure she is also doing the right things. Holding her accountable when she doesn't. If you fall in love in another country with a girl you know you'll likely be separated from that's not protecting yourself and doing all the right things. That's being reckless/short sighted. Worst of all you are wasting your precious and limited time on this earth.

 

[powpow]

thanks for the input. but you know what? love is not a game to be played safely. Im not here to protect myself.

I can take all of the pain in the world if it gives me a greater and deeper love than what you would feel if you walked around protecting yourself all the time.

And I say oneitis because that seems to be the lingo here. But I feel oneitis is a misrepresentation. I am haunted by the lingering feeling in the depths of my soul that I am separated from a destiny that was layed out for me. An incongruency with the way my life should be and how it is now. Seeing a different me in the 10th dimension, and liking his life better.

I know to spin plates. I spin plates. I spin maaaaad plates bro. I have 3 or 4 different girls at beck and call at all times. But my soul is empty for them. They are the most passionless plates ever. And I know I hurt them when I lose interest and find a new plate. And I know I lose interest because they are lifeless in comparison with my ex girlfriend.

My soul hungers for one girl, that unless I can convince her to quit her awesome life in japan and come to here and learn english, then I can never be with her. 24 years of life, I have never been in love like I was with her.

 

[VladPatton]

She didn't speak English, therefore not perfect. How the hell are you going to communicate basic needs, let alone make a witty joke and make her chuckle? You'll get over it, man. The hard part is finding a mechanism to do so. She's nice and happy in her country while you are a wreck in yours. Change that. You gotta peel back the layers and expose the true rawness: she wasn't on the same page as you, attraction plummeted, she wanted out. Once again, not perfect.

 

[sylvester the cat]

thanks for the input. but you know what? love is not a game to be played safely.

hear, hear. nor is it something you can logically decide to protect yourself against.

in the battle of logic over emotions, emotions will win every time unless you really know what you're doing, and very few really do...

as a great writer once wrote:

'better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'.

it doesnt matter what happens with this girl, all that matters is that you felt something that made you feel alive. that's what love is all about.

 

[DonJuanabe]

"And I say oneitis because that seems to be the lingo here. But I feel oneitis is a misrepresentation. I am haunted by the lingering feeling in the depths of my soul that I am separated from a destiny that was layed out for me. An incongruency with the way my life should be and how it is now. Seeing a different me in the 10th dimension, and liking his life better."

Geez, you writing literature or poetry? She is 98% H2O with some carbon, nitrogen, calcium, magnesium, sodium, and various other elements thrown in. She is also one out of many. You'll get over her when you feel another chemical reaction.

 

[Renegade357]

thanks for the input. but you know what? love is not a game to be played safely. Im not here to protect myself.

Self-Control is a manly trait. You are talking more like a woman no offense. Still I hope you get over this sooner rather than later so you can move on. Eventually you'll see that it was all a waste of time.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Self-Control is a manly trait. You are talking more like a woman no offense. Still I hope you get over this sooner rather than later so you can move on. Eventually you'll see that it was all a waste of time.

rubbish. there are plenty of women who are perfectly capable of controlling their emotions as there are plenty of 'men' who cannot.

self-control is an intelligent trait. or rather an exercise in self-awareness that is not exclusive to either sex.

 

[Renegade357]

rubbish. there are plenty of women who are perfectly capable of controlling their emotions as there are plenty of 'men' who cannot.
.

Sorry, I didn't think you guys were here to be like every average frustrated chump out there who can't control himself.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Sorry, I didn't think you guys were here to be like every average frustrated chump out there who can't control himself.

every living person on the planet experiences emotion. only corpses don't.

like i said before. it's how we deal with them that separates us from others.

the point is not to protect yourself from emotions. there is nothing wrong with experiencing emotion. the point is to master emotions.

master your emotions and you master the self.

master the self, and most likely you'll be mastering the woman.

 

[youngmack]

every living person on the planet experiences emotion. only corpses don't.

like i said before. it's how we deal with them that separates us from others.

the point is not to protect yourself from emotions. there is nothing wrong with experiencing emotion. the point is to master emotions.

master your emotions and you master the self.

master the self, and most likely you'll be mastering the woman.

How do you master the emotions?

 

[perseverance]

If you're so experienced you would know not to get Oneitis to begin with.

Human emotions are illogical, so your point is invalid. It's perfectly acceptable to develop strong feelings for a girl and to want to be with that said girl. However when things end or if things don't go according to plan, you have to have the mental strength to walk away and start afresh, something the OP is having problems with. The good news is time is a great healer and in a few years from now, he'll have found someone else and will cease to have oneitis for this said girl.

 

[powpow]

hey guys I appreciate all of the input. and perseverance, you nailed it right on the head. Logically, I know what is going on and how to fix it... but my emotions, I can not control them. I have never been able to. I guess that is a human trait.

and guys who are criticizing things, even down to my writing style? please... get over it. it has nothing to do with what I am talking about. you should take the time to learn from other people's differences and relate to the main issue. youre here to be a douchebag? I'm here to help my brothers in arms and be helped myself when I need it. youre ****ing up the aura.

and finally. I speak japanese, so there is no problem communicating wants and needs and affections.
Actually I talk to her occasionally. She is going through the same thing. But she knows she wont be happy here in the states. how frustrating...

 

[sylvester the cat]

How do you master the emotions?

first you have to become aware of them.

understand that when 'you' are angry, in love, happy etc that 'you' are not your emotions.

your emotions are biological and chemical reactions occurring within that body you inhabit.

once you understand this you will be better equipped to deal with them.

most people assume they are their emotions and become what their body dictates. big mistake.