Can't get in a relationship

[becker]

I know most of you will probably be looking at this and rolling your eyes, but perhaps there will be some of you who can relate. Basically, the problem is this. I feel like I can get into a lot of short-term, flingy relationships with women, many times more physical than anything, but I just can't get into anything stable and serious.

I don't want pity, I just want to know from you guys on here who are successfully in happy relationships how you did it. Nothing ever lasts long term for me, and it sort of gets tiring always going and meeting new people and telling the same stinkin' stories, etc.

 

[SpeedRunner]

for real dude... i cant seem to get into one either....

 

[diablo]

Originally posted by becker
I feel like I can get into a lot of short-term, flingy relationships with women, many times more physical than anything, but I just can't get into anything stable and serious.

Eventually you'll find that you 'click' with one of the girls you're in a "short term, flingy" relationship with. You can't go looking for it, because it's impossible to find - the only way it'll happen is when it happens... there's nothing you can do to speed things along, short of having as many of these little flings as possible. That's how every girl I've ever had a LTR with has started out as - a fling.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

maybe its not you, its the type of chicks you are after?
what causes the break up?

 

[00Kevin]

You just need to be more picky and filter out all the crap. There are a lot of useless women out there and most are no good for long term relationships. If you want a long term relationship you need to find a girl that believes in the same things that you do.

Do some thinking and come up to an understanding on what qualities you want in a girl for a long term relationship.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

I am exactly like you. I have been in several relationships and the longest one lasted a whopping 2 months.

 

[xiola]

its easy to hook with someone but its much, much harder to enter into a productive relationship.

if it was that easy, this website wouldnt be here. have patience

b

 

[becker]

Re: Re: Can't get in a relationship

Originally posted by diablo
Eventually you'll find that you 'click' with one of the girls you're in a "short term, flingy" relationship with. You can't go looking for it, because it's impossible to find - the only way it'll happen is when it happens... there's nothing you can do to speed things along, short of having as many of these little flings as possible. That's how every girl I've ever had a LTR with has started out as - a fling.

Definitely makes sense, I guess, a lot of short flingy relationships, huh? I'll keep going then, but it's just so work-intensive getting to know new girl after new girl, because after a while you're not sure who you've told what story to and stuff like that.

Last relationship was one month, and I think the breakup might be that it is such a physical thing initially that you have no idea what the girl is really like. However, I am not super picky personality-wise, so long as she's not a whacko. I'm actually more into the looks, as superficial as that seems, lol. Anyhow, last girl I was dating was awesome, but it didn't last because she supposedly isn't the relationship type, but if she isn't, I'll tell you all, there's just no such girl.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

well the question is WHAT CAUSES is there for you not to get into one? Is it them that break it off? Or you? perhaps the problem isn't that you can't but that you consciously or sub-consciously choose not to.

 

[Caldus]

I think it's true that it just happens when it happens and there isn't much you can except keep trying. Where do you meet these women anyway?

 

[duttylove]

well the question is WHAT CAUSES is there for you not to get into one? Is it them that break it off? Or you?

he has a point.

if they are breaking it off with you then maybe you need to change the way you act in a relationship. are your being to clingy not giving them space. Are you being to aloof so that she thinks your not actually after an LTR. Are you giving her the impression that you just want her for a f**k. could be a number of things.

Are you breaking it off with them? if thats the case then keep searching, but you cannot force an LTR and as every one says they will just happen with the rite person.

 

[PRMoon]

Long term relationships, take conciderable work and effort to manage. Even if it starts out simple you have to work and build on it to make it strong and have a chance at going the distance. How you go about that is up to you. First you need to find a girl worth the time and effort you'll have to put into such a realationship and when you're with her you should be more comfortable then you would be being just by yourself.

That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

 

[Avsguy01]

There is definately a fine line between doing the things you would normally do as a Don Juan, and showing that you are focused on entering a long-term relationship. Alot of it has to do with finding the right person, and also having both of you on the same level as to what you want out of a relationship. There is a good What's new tip on the home page of the website. It's called "The long term relationship". Basically things change slightly. Confidence and being a challenge get the women but when you finally want to settle down with one, and she feels the same then being confident can still be used, as that makes a male attractive. However, dont even think about being a challenge. Being in a long term relationship is showing by both sides that both of your challenges have been met. There should not be challenging back and forth at a long term point in a relationship. Women are really sensative when in a deep relationship. If they feel like you are not giving them enough attention, then doubts start to flutter their minds. You just need to show confidence that she has you and that you have her, yet at the same time show her that you do care about her and love her, if thats how you really feel. If things are meant to work out then the feelings will be mutual, and all games come to an end.
By the way, I am one year old in my LTR with my girlfriend.

 

[Move]

Same story here buddy.
The longest relationship i have EVER had was 8 months and i was all of 17 at the time.
I have been with so many girls since and i havent even made it to a year. Maybe we should be calling ourselves 'Fling Kings' because we have done it so many times. Its frustrating to say the least...

Most of the time, i am looking for a relationship with the girls i have a fling with. Its been a combination of me ejecting them, or vice versa. I think i have refined my skills to a fine art.
I can start and finish a relationship within 2 weeks now without even breaking a sweat.
I think because it has happened this way for so long, and of ALL the girls you have met you probably think 'is there REALLY someone out there?'. I wonder this anyway...
Maybe its because i have been and still am to a degree an AFC but there have been many girls i have been with that had all the 'ONE' attributes and it still crashed and burned.

Im not offering a solution, if anyone finds one - please let me know - just wanted to let you know your not alone.

 

[Oxide]

what up becker, long time.

I've made this realization a while back, when trying to figure out why i always ended up with sluts.
The reason being, i was looking for nothing more than sex.
I didnt care about how she feels and misses me. I could drop her any day. I wanted sex when i called, and didnt mind spending a little of time together with her, as long as i got some.

So are you really looking for an LTR, or are you just jumping in the sack with girls and then trying to work something from there?

Try not having sex with a girl you want to be with. Wait a month, date for a month then have sex and see if that helps.

 

[becker]

Wow, lots of good responses to this, thanks guys, and I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one here with this dilemma. I'll try to address the responses as much as I can.

First off, I remember that my first real serious relationship was in high school senior year. Before that, I almost didn't really have enough time for girls, because I played sports pretty seriously. Anyways, this girl was with me for a year, and there weren't too many complications, and I was the one who eventually broke it off because she just didn't do it for me. After that, I've had nothing but short-term relationships.

Recently, I've been more inclined to enjoy the stability that comes from a more steady relationship, but even then, I'm looking at maybe 1 month tops, even with girls who I feel are very compatible.

Interesting view on LTR, AVSguy01. I remember back in the day, before this board, the whole concept of being a challenge was not even an idea I remotely knew about. I wasn't really a challenge, it's just that I wasn't into girls enough for me to want to be around them all the time. I actually was more into sports than women, so I guess inadvertently I was a challenge in that sense.

Oxide, my last relationship I didn't even make a move on the girl until she was practically begging to kiss me. Then I kissed her, and she was all over me from that point. There was no way I was going to be able to hold out on the physical stuff because she initiated it most of the time. However, I think what happened is that that just opens Pandora's box and it's like a drug, and once you get some from her, you want to do it all the time. It's a vicious cycle. Anyways, I think that part of it is certainly the fact that I become some more sexually driven and it seems like all we'll do is make out and get physical with each other when we're together. However, we try to talk, but eventually it leads to the physical stuff. I have no idea what to do about it, but apparently if it doesn't stop, I'm going to be a bachelor for life who just goes around having flings. Like I said, it gets old after a while.