Have a great life overall, but I think I've got some kind of issues. Big time overthinker/overanalyzer, whenever I get bored (which is often) I get depressed, and I'm a pretty high-strung and hyper-vigilant (maybe even paranoid sometimes) person overall. I also feel like I'm completely unable to enjoy the "now" and am almost always thinking about future stuff that may or may not even happen.
Example..
I've been seeing someone (3rd time seeing each other was Wednesday night), and while I thoroughly enjoy being with her, I keep wondering when she's going to start losing interest, flaking, and/or ghosting me. I want to be wrong, but in my mind there's no doubt that at some point it's going to happen--she's going to "**** me over". Whenever I set up a date/hangout with her I think, "I wonder if this is when she's going to flake and it all crumbles" rather than "I can't wait to see her". We have a 4th hangout setup for Sunday, but it's the same deal--"I wonder if she's going to flake". This isn't me not trusting her specifically, though. On the contrary, she's been great (so far at least). Whenever I would set up a date/hangout with anyone I'd expect them to flake. I don't hate women, but I feel like the only woman I've ever been able to truly trust (and love, to be honest) and ever will is my mother. I've certainly made mistakes in my life in dating and done a lot of stupid ****, but I also feel like every serious romantic interest of mine up to this point has ended in me being screwed over.
When I'm not getting laid I'll think to myself "if I get laid more I'll be happier". But then I'll eventually meet a girl/girls, start getting laid, and I'm still not happy (I'm happy during the hangouts, but the next day when I'm alone and bored I just feel like sh!t again). I can't tell if I have trust issues, some kind of serious insecurity(ies), all of the above, or what, but it takes a toll on my mental state. I'm to the point where I feel like I "deserve" feeling like this, and I wasn't "made" to be happy.
Any thoughts/advice welcome.
Example..
I've been seeing someone (3rd time seeing each other was Wednesday night), and while I thoroughly enjoy being with her, I keep wondering when she's going to start losing interest, flaking, and/or ghosting me. I want to be wrong, but in my mind there's no doubt that at some point it's going to happen--she's going to "**** me over". Whenever I set up a date/hangout with her I think, "I wonder if this is when she's going to flake and it all crumbles" rather than "I can't wait to see her". We have a 4th hangout setup for Sunday, but it's the same deal--"I wonder if she's going to flake". This isn't me not trusting her specifically, though. On the contrary, she's been great (so far at least). Whenever I would set up a date/hangout with anyone I'd expect them to flake. I don't hate women, but I feel like the only woman I've ever been able to truly trust (and love, to be honest) and ever will is my mother. I've certainly made mistakes in my life in dating and done a lot of stupid ****, but I also feel like every serious romantic interest of mine up to this point has ended in me being screwed over.
When I'm not getting laid I'll think to myself "if I get laid more I'll be happier". But then I'll eventually meet a girl/girls, start getting laid, and I'm still not happy (I'm happy during the hangouts, but the next day when I'm alone and bored I just feel like sh!t again). I can't tell if I have trust issues, some kind of serious insecurity(ies), all of the above, or what, but it takes a toll on my mental state. I'm to the point where I feel like I "deserve" feeling like this, and I wasn't "made" to be happy.
Any thoughts/advice welcome.