Can't enjoy the moment

[.Paradox.]

Have a great life overall, but I think I've got some kind of issues. Big time overthinker/overanalyzer, whenever I get bored (which is often) I get depressed, and I'm a pretty high-strung and hyper-vigilant (maybe even paranoid sometimes) person overall. I also feel like I'm completely unable to enjoy the "now" and am almost always thinking about future stuff that may or may not even happen.

Example..

I've been seeing someone (3rd time seeing each other was Wednesday night), and while I thoroughly enjoy being with her, I keep wondering when she's going to start losing interest, flaking, and/or ghosting me. I want to be wrong, but in my mind there's no doubt that at some point it's going to happen--she's going to "**** me over". Whenever I set up a date/hangout with her I think, "I wonder if this is when she's going to flake and it all crumbles" rather than "I can't wait to see her". We have a 4th hangout setup for Sunday, but it's the same deal--"I wonder if she's going to flake". This isn't me not trusting her specifically, though. On the contrary, she's been great (so far at least). Whenever I would set up a date/hangout with anyone I'd expect them to flake. I don't hate women, but I feel like the only woman I've ever been able to truly trust (and love, to be honest) and ever will is my mother. I've certainly made mistakes in my life in dating and done a lot of stupid ****, but I also feel like every serious romantic interest of mine up to this point has ended in me being screwed over.

When I'm not getting laid I'll think to myself "if I get laid more I'll be happier". But then I'll eventually meet a girl/girls, start getting laid, and I'm still not happy (I'm happy during the hangouts, but the next day when I'm alone and bored I just feel like sh!t again). I can't tell if I have trust issues, some kind of serious insecurity(ies), all of the above, or what, but it takes a toll on my mental state. I'm to the point where I feel like I "deserve" feeling like this, and I wasn't "made" to be happy.

Any thoughts/advice welcome.

 

[zekko]

I don't know your age, but when I was young I was unhappy a lot of the time also. Being happy is a lot like everything else, it takes practice. You need to train your mind to weed out negative thoughts. You're aware of the problem, so you have a step up. A big issue is it sounds like you think you need these girls in your life to be happy. So you fear losing them, which is a very bad attitude to have, not conducive to being happy. You should just be looking to enjoy your time with them, and if they flake out or mess up they've proven unworthy. It also helps if you are on a steady self improvement plan.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Have a great life overall, but I think I've got some kind of issues. Big time overthinker/overanalyzer, whenever I get bored (which is often) I get depressed, and I'm a pretty high-strung and hyper-vigilant (maybe even paranoid sometimes) person overall. I also feel like I'm completely unable to enjoy the "now" and am almost always thinking about future stuff that may or may not even happen.

Example..

I've been seeing someone (3rd time seeing each other was Wednesday night), and while I thoroughly enjoy being with her, I keep wondering when she's going to start losing interest, flaking, and/or ghosting me. I want to be wrong, but in my mind there's no doubt that at some point it's going to happen--she's going to "**** me over". Whenever I set up a date/hangout with her I think, "I wonder if this is when she's going to flake and it all crumbles" rather than "I can't wait to see her". We have a 4th hangout setup for Sunday, but it's the same deal--"I wonder if she's going to flake". This isn't me not trusting her specifically, though. On the contrary, she's been great (so far at least). Whenever I would set up a date/hangout with anyone I'd expect them to flake. I don't hate women, but I feel like the only woman I've ever been able to truly trust (and love, to be honest) and ever will is my mother. I've certainly made mistakes in my life in dating and done a lot of stupid ****, but I also feel like every serious romantic interest of mine up to this point has ended in me being screwed over.

When I'm not getting laid I'll think to myself "if I get laid more I'll be happier". But then I'll eventually meet a girl/girls, start getting laid, and I'm still not happy (I'm happy during the hangouts, but the next day when I'm alone and bored I just feel like sh!t again). I can't tell if I have trust issues, some kind of serious insecurity(ies), all of the above, or what, but it takes a toll on my mental state. I'm to the point where I feel like I "deserve" feeling like this, and I wasn't "made" to be happy.

Any thoughts/advice welcome.

Any thoughts are welcome? from anyone? thanks.

I want to tell you these are some of the characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics and those free meetings are where exceptionally goodlooking and usually successful people talk about this, but I find its even harder for the male gender to admit this was in the family than the female gender.

Sometimes its hidden(the affected is the GRAND or great-grandchild of alcoholic(s).)


Fully expecting you to balk and protest right now.


(and why am I expecting this? because I am an Adult Child of Alcoholics-happy hippies not abusives) and the cycle of misinterpreted and misguided projected anticipated communication continues...........lol !! ( if I didn't laugh at myself, I'd cry. )

Dude, it is an amazing feeling to discover this info about yourself. There's a recipe for living at those meetings. There's admirable people there one can identify with. There's leadership roles to practice in and the ability to get paid travel(there's extra money saved collectively from seventh tradition-explained in the 12 traditions) to conferences around the world in these volunteer leadership roles(I'm still considering doing this aspect of it-only in fifth year)

 

[metalwater]

if you did not already do it. setup some very short term goals.

1. physical, lifting. if your not lifting the goal is to start. if you are already set a goal appropriate for your skill.
2. money, increase. if you're not earning and saving, start. if you are then set a short term goal appropriate for your numbers.
3. education, increase. if you are done with school pick a skill you would like to learn and learn it. if you are not done you already have goals for this one.
4. help someone else in a category that you are good at, for free, just to prove you can help them improve.

do this for a month or two and re-evaluate.

 

[samspade]

Search on YouTube for Mindfulness Meditation, and give it a try. Works best with headphones.

 

[Spaz]

Have a great life overall, but I think I've got some kind of issues. Big time overthinker/overanalyzer, whenever I get bored (which is often) I get depressed, and I'm a pretty high-strung and hyper-vigilant (maybe even paranoid sometimes) person overall. I also feel like I'm completely unable to enjoy the "now" and am almost always thinking about future stuff that may or may not even happen.

Example..

I've been seeing someone (3rd time seeing each other was Wednesday night), and while I thoroughly enjoy being with her, I keep wondering when she's going to start losing interest, flaking, and/or ghosting me. I want to be wrong, but in my mind there's no doubt that at some point it's going to happen--she's going to "**** me over". Whenever I set up a date/hangout with her I think, "I wonder if this is when she's going to flake and it all crumbles" rather than "I can't wait to see her". We have a 4th hangout setup for Sunday, but it's the same deal--"I wonder if she's going to flake". This isn't me not trusting her specifically, though. On the contrary, she's been great (so far at least). Whenever I would set up a date/hangout with anyone I'd expect them to flake. I don't hate women, but I feel like the only woman I've ever been able to truly trust (and love, to be honest) and ever will is my mother. I've certainly made mistakes in my life in dating and done a lot of stupid ****, but I also feel like every serious romantic interest of mine up to this point has ended in me being screwed over.

When I'm not getting laid I'll think to myself "if I get laid more I'll be happier". But then I'll eventually meet a girl/girls, start getting laid, and I'm still not happy (I'm happy during the hangouts, but the next day when I'm alone and bored I just feel like sh!t again). I can't tell if I have trust issues, some kind of serious insecurity(ies), all of the above, or what, but it takes a toll on my mental state. I'm to the point where I feel like I "deserve" feeling like this, and I wasn't "made" to be happy.

Any thoughts/advice welcome.

The problem is ur focus.

U r focusing too much on women or sex.

The focus should be turned inward towards you and you start off by doing small simple things to get the ball rolling.

The road to being a man is long and tortuous for a modern metrosexual man BUT in the past, this is something every boy has to go through and they relished the thought of when it will come.