cant enjoy myself in bars and clubs

[mr.uk]

i dont really know whats wrong i guess thats why i am asking you guys.
when i go out with friends (the few that i have right now) i am very unrelaxed and tensed up. i mostly find that i have to fake my smiles.
i always find myself standing in the room with nothing to say to anyone (especially girls) because Friday nights are my only time that i see anyone socially so what really is there to say? Standing there just wishing i could go home (which ive just done).

How can i improve so that i am able to relax in settings like these and so that i give out a positive vibe instead of a negative one?
I'm going to Uni in September so im gonna need to be a fun guy in clubs since thats where many students meet and pull each other!

 

[ChrizZ]

i dont really know whats wrong i guess thats why i am asking you guys.
when i go out with friends (the few that i have right now) i am very unrelaxed and tensed up. i mostly find that i have to fake my smiles.
i always find myself standing in the room with nothing to say to anyone (especially girls) because Friday nights are my only time that i see anyone socially so what really is there to say? Standing there just wishing i could go home (which ive just done).

How can i improve so that i am able to relax in settings like these and so that i give out a positive vibe instead of a negative one?
I'm going to Uni in September so im gonna need to be a fun guy in clubs since thats where many students meet and pull each other!

The point of going out is to expand your social circle and to pick up hot chicks.

Get to know everyone in there. You have to get into a talkative mood.

Sticking around with your buddies all night is the worst thing you can do.

 

[Mad Manic]

The point of going out is to expand your social circle and to pick up hot chicks.

Get to know everyone in there. You have to get into a talkative mood.

Sticking around with your buddies all night is the worst thing you can do.

Yes agreed, either go out and be sociable or don't go out at all. Nothing worse than going out and be stood in a corner, quiet and drinking.

MM

 

[Answers]

Do you not feel good enough to be there? Are you intimidated? Whats the problem? You need to find out why you're feeling that way before you can fix the problem.

 

[DismantleRepair]

Get crunk!

Well, maybe not crunk. But have a few, it'll loosen you up. If it works, then you know you have it in you. From there you can gradually reduce the amount of alcohol taken to replicate the same effect.

 

[Galloway]

I don't enjoy bars either. Too noisy and not the kind of women I like. I tried to figure out the why but didn't come very far. At first I thought it might be anxiety but that should be over by now. I am 26 and I am going to bars regulary since I am 15 (I am Austrian and in our country you can drink at that age), once a week in my younger years and still do not feel comfortable or anything,

I am at the point where I think have to accept my social discomfort. Any suggestions are welcome. The girls I had are mostly from arround campus, school, work, parties ...

edit: different stages of being drunk didn't help...

 

[Warrior74]

don't get drunk. keep a set limit to loosen up and stop there. speak to people. when you see em again speak. the more people you speak to the more comfortable you'll feel. then when you come back speak to em again. you just build up a social circle by being social. You gotta make an effort, its not gonna magically happen overnight (nothing ever does). If you want to fix this you will have to put in the work and push past you comfort (or in this case uncomfort) zone and tough it out until its natural.

 

[true romance]

Bars/ club are there to chill out with buddies and have a good time catch up with friends..
very difficult environment to pick up since all the girls get hits on by tons of guy and they like to have attention. Loud music, lots of distractions..etc. since you have a good time with your friend likely your energy level are up and chick can be drawn in....
There are exception if you are good looking, have game tight.

Try Lounge/bar less loud music, chill out..try boutique hotel where they have nice cool bar (W hotel, most south beach hotel..etc)

Best places to meet are your hobbies, day time situation ( bus, coffee, metro, supermarket..) where their defense are down. You need to have confident to approach.

 

[KingBeef]

You're uncomfortable because YOU DON'T KNOW ANYBODY OUT OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORK... It's ok, everyone has been there. The easiest way to fix this is JUST TALK TO PEOPLE....they're like you and me....nothing mythical or special about them. Once you start talking to more and more people not only will you realize how easy it is but that it was all just a MENTAL BLOCK to begin with.


- Kingbeef

 

[Galloway]

Hmm the thing with building social circle sounds good. I tend to dance in places that offer the opportunity because I am good at that and I like to sing so that makes social events more enjoyable for me. Well there might be some student parties coming up in september where I try that.

I think you guys are right. Thanks.

 

[Desert Rose]

Try walking in and thinking to yourself it is my life and I dont care what anyone else thinks I wanna have a good time all the time! After you get that out of the way anything else becomes a walk in the park.

 

[slaog]

I bet it's mainly because of how you see yourself in that enviornment. Ideally it should not really matter because you want to get to a stage where your state isn't influenced by the enviornment only yourself.

I recommend some of the advice given to pick up women.

-Look for the positive in it instead of the negative i.e noise was mentioned and women being approached by lots of men. Instead of seeing it that way say to yourself there are lots of women here and it's better then being alone in your room.
-Assume attraction or assume everybody likes you. Assume you're the star attraction there.
-Used open body language (to subconsciously show people you're comfortable and they'll feel more comfortable chatting to you).
-Don't think about what others are thinking about you (people think too much! lol).
-Don't agree what everybody is saying either.. disagree politely and have a laugh doing it. Thats one way of making people respect you more if you're the quiet sort.