Cant believe she said this to my face...

[Nameless]

Hey guys, its been a while since my last post. In general, things are going well. There is this one situation though on which opinions and feedback will be apreciated.

-----------------------------------

Known this HB8.5 for a while - I use to work with her. To keep things short, a couple of weeks ago I asked for her number - said I'll call her sometime but I'll be busy for the next 2 weeks because its course assessment time.

Today I unintentionally bumped into her again at her work while I was in there to pick something up.

Thought - why not?, I'll organise something now in person, save the phone call.

Asked her if she wanted to come into the city next week (Wed or Thur) as I'll be there shopping for clothes, suggested that I might be grabbing something to eat and drink while Im there afterwards, and if she wanted to join me (we both live close to the city).

She asked me if this was a 'date'.

I just smiled and said "no, not really, I was planning to go anyway - but if you wish to think of it as when then I cant stop you *laughed*".

HB8.5: "Yeah o.k...... but only if youre paying for everything right?"

I cant believe she said this to my face!

I just laughed and said no, Im not going to pay for you - the offer is still there under my conditions.

Some customers came along and interrupted the convo.

Some other things where said by her along the lines of:

"Guys always buy me things when they want to go out with me. A guy would have to buy me a car to go out with me" (she was deliberately exaggerating the last bit - I know that for a fact....but still.....wtf?

I just said - hey, I'm in demand and if you wont take this opportunity I know plenty of other women who will jump at it"

Both her and a co-worker friend (she's friendly to me) opened their mouths in a 'OMG - I cant believe you said that' kinda way.

Anyway, in the end more customers came, I just said that "I have things to do and must be off. The offer is still there for next week, as I have offered it, I'll call you sometime closer to the date and we'll take it from there."

both her and co-worker friend said goodbye in a very warm way.
-------------

So, any comments, suggestions or feedback on how I went, what I said and ways to improve what I'll do next would be great.

Normally I would just brush a HB off for comments like that, plenty more of them to worry about 1 *****y one. The thing is that I think it was more of a clear test by her than a genuine comment. She has also shown strong signs of interest in the past.

What do fellow DJ's think?

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

I think u did the right thing. I hate people like that. People who expect you too pay for them. People who think "hey my crap don't stink..." and so on.

Good for you. Tell her like it is. and Don't be surprised by what she said. Too many females, even in 2004, get away with too many things. I mean even not great looking girls get stupid guys to pay for everything.

It comes down to men. Look at this site. Many members are so desperate to get laid that half of them will do anything just to get another piece of azz. It's sad but it's the way it is.

ANd the worse part is, most of the time, these guys get an empty wallet and not a passionate night.

I remember one time at a bar i was at, some chic smiled at me and asked me, "when i was going to buy her a drink."

I laughed and told her, I"as soon as you buy me a drink."

the conversation ended and I went about my night as did she.

But as the bar was closing, the chic found me, laughed, and showed me her drink. She was obviously drunk. But it was obvious guys were buying her drinks all night.


I'd say, be proud of yourself. Too many guys fall into the trap of, "i'll only buy her this and then that and then that "and suddenly, without getting anything in return, they spent half their paycheck on some chic they aint even hooking up with.

Some people call me an a-hole, but i'm not gonna do something for somebody unless i get something in return. There are too many leeches and users in this world.

 

[Hollowpoint]

Damn spoiled b1tches!
Good work.....




Is talking about "buying a woman (buying things for a woman so she will sleep with him)" similar to treating her like a ***** a good idea?

 

[Life-Trainee]

Could you have said something like "Well, i'll buy you something, but you have to earn it" in a joking way? I haven't met girls like this yet, but you can never be too ready.

 

[waldo]

Yeah probably the right thing to do. Only thing that comes to mind is that some girls don't have all that much money (younger ones that is), and as your 'controlling' the date, she's risking you going places she can't afford.

That's the only thing I can think of. I know I had that situation with a girl when going to the cinema once, she didn't have any spare cash at the time, and asking me to pay for everything was just a way of hiding that.

Best way round it is probably to make it clear what your gonna do and say 'look its not gonna cost you more than $10 or whatever'. Then its clear what there letting themselves in for.

In prinicple though your dead right, I'm sure her IL in you will have risen!. 90% of AFC's would have said 'yes of course' at that point, and at the same time slipped towards the dreaded friends zone.

 

[Nameless]

Yeah, thanks for the feedback guys.

I knew it was the right thing to do. Even if it wasnt considered 'DJ' for me to do such a thing, I would still do it.

Money isnt that important to me - so in no way am I being a tight a.ss. It is the principle of the whole thing. If she was short on cash (lol - I dont think so - she probably has more than me at the moment), I would have bought her stuff, heck - I probably shouted her a thing or two on the day (not everything), but I asked her to come shoping to the city with me, not to some expensive restraunt!

So, what would be good now would be opinions on how I should handle the phone call - with maybe some possible e.g. scenarios.

Peace.

 

[maranathaman]

It IS customary....

It's customary if you ask a lady out, for it to be your treat.
So I would have no problem paying for the date.
Those who would tell me that paying for a date is somehow AFC or wimpy, etc.
Well, they can kiss my hairy-azz for all I care.
However, her saying that was pretty tacky, and shows that
she's nothing more than a HO, and should be treated accordingly.
Now that she has shown her true-colors, that she thinks she's
all-that, that she somehow deserves to be treated like a princess
if it were me, I wouldn't even waste my time calling-her.
Unless I thought I could use her for sex, then kick her to the curb!
Any woman who acts like she deserves money, gifts, etc.
is nothing more than a worthless HO....
Why would you still wanna call her, now that you know what
a worthless be-atch she truely is?

 

[xblitz44x]

I think you did fine but I also think that you're taking things a little bit too serious. I don't think she actually meant for you to buy her crap. I think she was more teasing you (going ****y/funny if you will), and showing off in front of her friend. You played along and it went well. It's flirting and joking around. No need to get all pissy about it. I don't think she was being bytchy or spoiled at all, just maybe a little immature if anything.

Don't take it personally, or let your ego get involved. Just tease back and let what's going to happen, happen.

 

[Nameless]

Hollowpoint Damn spoiled b1tches!
Good work.....

Is talking about "buying a woman (buying things for a woman so she will sleep with him)" similar to treating her like a ***** a good idea?

What do you mean by this man, Ill be happy to reply if you make it more clear.

maranathaman
Why would you still wanna call her, now that you know what
a worthless be-atch she truely is?

Because Im not sure if she was really being serious or not. Im not willing to blow this opportunity (I do have quite a few others mind you) on something that may not be true.

xblitz44x

Im not getting too pissy about it, even if it my post may seem this way to you, Im just really surprised that she said that to my face in such a direct manner. If she said in in a joking or sarcastic way, I would know - it sounded quite serious to me.
Havent experienced it like that before.

Don't take it personally, or let your ego get involved. Just tease back and let what's going to happen, happen.

Thats what I plan to do, good advice.

--------

Im thinking of just calling, saying hello and asking if she's still willing to come along and leave it at that.

Plain and simple the best way.

Does anyone think I should add, ask or say anything else to this?

I dont really think so myself, but other Dj opinions would be welcome for a different perspective.

 

[Dirtheart]

Are you sure she wasn't joking or being ****y + funny with you? If she was serious, you definitely did the right thing. Until a few nights ago I would never have considered telling a girl "no", but I did and as you can see in this thread, I gained respect for it:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?threadid=54385

I am inclined to agree with Maranatha man to a degree though. If I ask someone out, I'm happy to pay for drinks, a meal, entry to the cinema and alike. But usually girls never ask me to and if they do, then it's very dubious.

 

[Nameless]

Yo Dirtheart, didnt see your post by the time I finished mine. - I think my post answers your questions.

Reading your post, good stuff man - you kept your balls and were rewarded for it.

(See my previous post).^

 

[Dirtheart]

Yeah, I think we must have posted around the same time. But I think the best approach with this girl is to be cool and relaxed, have fun, but just be alert for signs that she's playing you or using you.

But I think you have the right attitude. It's much better to say no to a girl and lose her than to give her everything she wants and then lose her anyway (it's happened to me too many times).

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by elvis aint dead yet


Some people call me an a-hole, but i'm not gonna do something for somebody unless i get something in return. There are too many leeches and users in this world.

Yes this is true, too much leeches and users in the world.
Neither would i do anything for anyone unless i got something in return. i've encountered too much of these ppl in the past

doing something when u get nothing in return = ass kisser

Also you did the right thing with that chick on the pedestal.
maybe you shoulda said "call me if you feel like coming."
most likely she wouldnt have called but who cares.
after you get back im sure she would've asked you "did you go?"
you just say "yea" and she'll be surprised

 

[Nameless]

It's as simple as that. If you forwardly ask her to meet you, you are inviting her. Now, if you say that you are in the city, and she asks where you will be, and then you say ***, then it is not an invitation, but a tag-along, in which case you would not be on the hook for anything.

I've never understood a date with a woman to go shopping. Yes, with a steady girl, it's OK, but not a first date.

And I totally agree with you, but you are missing the point bro.

I did not imply a date. I said I would be doing such and such (which I will be doing regardless of her taging along or not) and offered her to come along.

You should know that on the majority of situations, a first get-together should not be a formal date - especially if the girl is good looking. It creates a formal 'date' atmosphere where rules and expectations are set.

A fun or action get-together is much better as it is less formal, usually more fun and it places the girl in a different mind-set.

But ofcourse you guys should know that.....having read the bible and all...

 

[ScrewIt]

i think the problem was she was so high on the pedestal that she felt you "were" asking her on a date, or thought that was your intention all along.

she's probably got an ego as big as a blimp

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

swampwiz ,

I don't agree with what you say at all.


Just because you ask somebody to hang out with you, does not mean you have to buy them stuff or pay for them.

From what this guy wrote, he never implied that it was a date , never asked for a date. He just wanted to see if she'd hang out with him in the city.

But i dont' agree with the whole, "If you ask me, then u gotta pay" theory either.

While it's true that sometimes you're going to pay for dinner or whatever for both u and your date, I most likely won't be going on a second date with a girl that doesn't even offer to pay her half, even if i have no plans on taking her money.


This isn't 1950.

There are many women in the world who make more money then men these days.

Besides all that, great she's a hot women, so what. Are you that desperate to get laid?

My opinion is, I know what i'm bringing to the table, what the hell is she bringing?

ANd don't believe it was just all in fun. Look at this site. Most of the c&F are used for a point. And many girls don't just say things to be funny. Yeah it could be funny, but theres meaning behind what she says.

A girl that says "guys always buy me stuff" isn't looking to get a funny reaction. Most girls like that are looking to find suckers to buy her things.

Just look at her and her friends reaction by what the guy said.

She was expecting him to bow down and kiss her feet.

Good for him that he didnt.

Honestly, if she hangs with u and u wind up banging her, cool.

But i wouldnt put too much effor into her.

As i said before, you know what your bringing to the table, what the hell is she bringing?

 

[Nameless]

nicely put elvis.

It seems that the topic has moved on to a general principles and expectations debate, which is quite interesting actually.

I'll update you all on my situation once Ive made the call - it has become more a curiosity/test for me now more than anything...

Until then...please continue with this.

For those who believe that a guy should pay when he makes the first 'proposition', please explain your reasons why.

Any other similar experiences?