SamTheHobit
Master Don Juan
Have some standards god Damnit!sageproduct said:
Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single
She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.
You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.
The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.
cant be bothered anymore
- Thread starter djgirl
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
You say you want a LTR, well what do you bring to the table?
You study and work, that's nice you got your future together but that doesn't mean much in terms of relationship material. Sorry.
You go the gym and that's great you are working on your body. That makes you sexually attractive for sure, but once again nothing for your relationship material. Sorry.
You say you have good morals. What does that even mean? How can you declare yourself righteous or a good person lol.. And even if you were, people would have to find this out in the long term, so they won't find this out until they are in a LTR with you. Once again... doesn't help you...
Nothing I've read in this thread says you are ready or have the qualities most men would consider to be good in a LTR.
Which is probably why you can't find a man to commit into a LTR.
As I tell the guys on this forum and I will tell you, a girl: if you are having constant troubles in your dating life, maybe it's not the women or men that's the problem.
It's probably in your mirror.
You study and work, that's nice you got your future together but that doesn't mean much in terms of relationship material. Sorry.
You go the gym and that's great you are working on your body. That makes you sexually attractive for sure, but once again nothing for your relationship material. Sorry.
You say you have good morals. What does that even mean? How can you declare yourself righteous or a good person lol.. And even if you were, people would have to find this out in the long term, so they won't find this out until they are in a LTR with you. Once again... doesn't help you...
Nothing I've read in this thread says you are ready or have the qualities most men would consider to be good in a LTR.
Which is probably why you can't find a man to commit into a LTR.
As I tell the guys on this forum and I will tell you, a girl: if you are having constant troubles in your dating life, maybe it's not the women or men that's the problem.
It's probably in your mirror.
TillTheEndOfTime
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2004
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From personal experience, no attractive girl who is LTR material is single for more than a few months.
So what qualities am I missing then? I know if I was in a LTR I'd be loyal and committed and would do what ever it takes to make the relationship work. I want to.settle down.and get married and have kids eventually. I have.goals and ambitions. I don't see what else I'm lacking
TillTheEndOfTime
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2004
- Messages
- 1,930
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djgirl said:
I don't think that anyone on this forum could give you a meaningful answer without knowing you. Do you have any reasonably close friends you can talk to about it? Although, I understand it may be difficult to get an objective answer from a friend who does not want to hurt your feelings.
There are just too many intangibles when it comes to whether one person considers another LTR material. However, here is my list if it helps you girly girl:
1) Does she come from a good family (no significant criminal records)
2) Is her family well-educated?
3) Is she close with her family?
4) Does she make a decent amount of money?
5) Is she sexually compatible (this one is intangible, just a gut feeling)
6) Has she had many partners? (being "bi" is a huge red flag, many tend to have uncountable number of partner)
7) Is she reasonably intelligent?
8) Do we share some key interests?
9) Does she have narcissistic tendencies?
The list goes on, but they get less important. You get the idea. That's just me. Other people have their own lists.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
sageproduct
Banned
This is a huge misconception our society has on men in general, and it's one of the most damaging for some partiesdjgirl said:
The vast majority of guys these days are hopeless romantics, not horndogs looking for pump-and-dumps. Not scientific, but I read somewhere ~90% of guys of dating age are "hopeless romantics" who are looking to fall in love, and I would not disagree with that
Actually I would put the estimate closer to 80%...just thinking of all the males I know, as "cool" as hooking up and getting laid is pretty much everyone would rather "get a girlfriend"
OP if you're finding the vast majority of guys are just looking to bang, then maybe you're searching the wrong demograhics
^ or she's making too many assumptions about what guys want.
Dj - if you want a family one day, stop trying to bang chicks and never, ever tell a guy you want some snatch up in your grill. You are at a good age to meet guys looking to start a family looking for girls just past the party stage but not yet into the 30's. But they don't want some bi chick to be the mother of their kids they want a fem girl that adores them. If ypu keep f*cking around at your age your pickings get slimmer and slimmer
Dj - if you want a family one day, stop trying to bang chicks and never, ever tell a guy you want some snatch up in your grill. You are at a good age to meet guys looking to start a family looking for girls just past the party stage but not yet into the 30's. But they don't want some bi chick to be the mother of their kids they want a fem girl that adores them. If ypu keep f*cking around at your age your pickings get slimmer and slimmer
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
:wave: Oooo Oooo Me! Pick Me!!!!goundra said:
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
OP, I have yet to see what you bring to the table in terms of desireability. You say you're attractive? So what? That's very common.
What is in your character that would make you a good catch?
On another note, you are double-minded and therefore people probably sense it. You want a girl. You want a guy. You're probably broadcasting major incongruence.
What is in your character that would make you a good catch?
On another note, you are double-minded and therefore people probably sense it. You want a girl. You want a guy. You're probably broadcasting major incongruence.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
I'm mature and know where I am.going in life. I come from a good family and am intelligent. Unlike most young women. It's funny because I don't tell girls I like.guys and.vise versa so I know it's got nothing to do with confusing them or them thinking I'm not stable
Yes ma'am... You're associating with the wrong crowds, and seeking after the wrong types. But like they say, you can't help what you're attracted to. I used to tell people I was looking for "short, hot, and nice", and they all laughed. Yea... Never found it. All the "hot" girls were into the same **** you listed (and were *****s), and the entire group I associated with was the same way. But they're cool, social, out-going, aggressive, interesting, humorous, lively, and fun... Too bad they're also fake, shallow, unintelligent, selfish, loud, rude, overly-opinionated, disrespectful, overly-competitive in EVERYTHING, etc.djgirl said:
I think you gotta just realize that you aren't compatible with these people. Yea, you have good times, maybe can relate to them in certain ways, have an out-going personality, like to do things together, but in the end, you don't share the same views or lifestyles, aren't looking for the same things, don't have the same personalities or attitudes towards others, etc. This is all important. You might not actually "fit in" as well as you think. Especially when you aren't satisfied with the results, and keep ending up disappointed and heart-broken.
I think a lot of people are looking for someone perfect - when it doesn't exist. You (not necessarily you, in particular) want someone who's fun, masculine, good looking, out-going, sexual, assertive, etc, but then you just end up with a bunch of party boy players who just want sex, and only care about status. It comes with the territory, and why they are this way.
Just like the hot, fake, out-going, skanky girls are usually players, sluts, high class *****es, status-obsessed AW's, etc. Yea, they're attractive, fun, sexy, turn us on, but they're no good to be with - as they're also stuck up, shallow, annoying, STUPID, unfaithful, gossipy, two-faced, demanding, entitled, immature, etc. Again, comes with the territory.
Actual decent people tend to be a lot different than these types, but they also don't stand out, turn us on, excite us, aren't loud or flashy, and tend to be ordinary and "boring", and so, don't enter our radar. You're probably avoiding all the decent types - even though they're EVERYWHERE, and far outweigh the "bad" ones.
But I used to do the same thing. Decent, "attractive" girls were showing interest left and right, but I avoided them ALL in favor of the ones listed above, and got caught way up in the fake, shallow, "getting laid and drunk", status-obsessed crowd. Even as all I was doing was *****ing about the crazy-hot unavailable fake girls, and the decent girls (whom I was *****ing TO) were showing interest - I still avoided them.
Looking back now, I had nothing in common with any of those people, was always miserable and stressed out, didn't enjoy myself very much, etc. Yea, we shared similar humor-based sarcastic personalities, had difficult pasts, did a lot of fun things together, played sports and video games together, but that's as far as it went. I wasn't into getting laid and drunk, going to bars and parties, causing drama and problems, being loud and obnoxious, having no intelligence or depth, being a player, only caring about myself, picking on others, judging others by looks and status, etc.
I didn't really fit in or connect with them beyond a superficial level, and you probably don't, either. And its hard to branch away from whatever crowd you associate with, and always find yourself running into the same types within them. But you might be seeking their approval, and wanting to be accepted. I know I did - especially when they viewed me as not good enough, picked on me in certain (superficial) ways. You want to prove that you are good enough to hang with the big boys, bang the hotties, etc, and they keep pushing you in that direction - as it fits their beliefs and ideals (ie, being worthless and retarded). All they care about is getting laid, and push that onto you in EVERYTHING - because its how they are.
But they ain't ****, and not worth proving yourself to, or changing yourself for, so **** 'em.
5string
Master Don Juan
djgirl
Let me ask questions as I'm curious. I don't mean to derail your thread.
You say you like women more than men. Why is that? What do women give you more than men, and yes, I'm talking physically and emotionally.
You say you are attracted to masculine men and femme women. Why is that? Sounds like a conflict of the mind and body.
Please explain.
Lastly, with all respect, you sound confused. If you agree, why?
Let me ask questions as I'm curious. I don't mean to derail your thread.
You say you like women more than men. Why is that? What do women give you more than men, and yes, I'm talking physically and emotionally.
You say you are attracted to masculine men and femme women. Why is that? Sounds like a conflict of the mind and body.
Please explain.
Lastly, with all respect, you sound confused. If you agree, why?
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
Aren't you expressing confusion here? If you're confused, people will pick up on it. I don't see stability here; I see confusion.djgirl said:
You say you know where you're going in life. It sounds to me like you have no idea where you're going in life, at least going by what you present here.
Nobody was talking about you verbalizing being into both girls an men. It is what is going on inside you, and therefore it is what you are non-verbally projecting. It's what we call incongruence.