Can you trust a woman that you know has cheated before?

[Ackles]

My case would be a woman whom I slept with while she was still married. The story I got was that she was unhappy and wanted out but he wanted to stay together and make it work. We slept together a couple of times and I believe she slept with another guy as well before divorcing the husband. After she divorced him she comes to me wanting to date. This is a girl I really like but I honestly don't think I can do it knowing that she was willing to cheat. It would be in the back of my mind the entire time.

Just curious what your all's opinions, experiences, or advice would be for situations like this. Once a cheater always a cheater?

 

[GeoMan]

Been in same situation. Got cheated on same way down the line.

 

[parkthebus]

Everyone has the propensity to cheat. She is just more comfortable with it than others might be. The likelihood this female will cheat on you is certainly higher than most other women.

 

[GS750]

I think the saying goes something like "the best predictor or future behavior is past behavior".

 

[Lozboss]

Once a cheater- always a cheater.

If you know they are low quality WHY would you KNOWINGLY GF them? Stupid Stupid Stupid. Simple.

 

[Fitters]

It's like cocaine. She is more willing to do it again later. On the flip side , some people are strong enough to quit.
Find out more , was she caught ? BIG NO NO
Did she confess ? THIN LINE TO WALK
Her man/ ex has no idea ? PACK UP YOUR BAGS AND MOVE AWAY FROM THIS GIRL ASAP!

 

[AttackFormation]

I would think a cheater does it either out of impulsiveness and short-sightedness, because she likes the sensation of doing something forbidden and cheating is at the top of that, or because she is manipulative and dishonest and never planned to be faithful in the first place. These can take different expressions. For example the 3rd reason could be either the girl settles down with some off-putting beta who she is not aroused by but convinces him and herself that she really likes him, or she from the start settles down with him to exploit him - but both are examples of dishonesty.

Pick which character flaws you think she in particular would most likely have and ask yourself if it's a good risk for you. Does this mean a cheater is doomed to forever have those flaws? maybe not, but I would not make a confident bet the other way either. And with the rate of cheating in general, maybe it just can't work to make such hard judgements and you need to be more lenient. It's up to you.

Fitters brought up something good when he brought up drugs. Look at the behaviour of recovering addicts. Can they get clean? yeah they definitely can. Are there those of them with a tendency to relapse? you bet.

 

[gravityeyelids]

I could care less if a girl has slept with like 30 dudes before I date her, but I honestly can't say I'd get into a LTR with a girl who has cheated.

However. Then the question in my mind that has to be asked is...how would you know whether a girl has cheated or not? Just because a girl says she hasn't or there's no evidence to support the fact that she did might suggest that she's just very good at lying and getting away with it (assuming you're not in her social circle and its not common knowledge). In which case, which is worse? The girl who cheated in the past and fessed up to it, or the girl who says she never cheated but is lying about it?

 

[gravityeyelids]

Doesn't make a difference, I've dated both types.(admitted they had cheated, admitted but justified/rationalized it, and denied doing it but later I found out or they admitted it). Same result at the end.

So are you saying to hold out for a girl who hasn't cheated? Because I could be waiting a looong time haha

 

[gravityeyelids]

Probably true haha. My GF says she cheated on her ex because he was cheating on her repeatedly. I more or less believe her and I looked the other way, I myself have cheated in that situation. Take everything in context. Its all about risk management.

In my opinion dealing with the possibility of a girl you're dating cheating on you is a lot to do with faith, similar to religion. After a certain point you just have to make yourself trust her and accept the belief that she won't because the alternative is worrying about it which will just make you unattractive and needy in her eyes and the lack of space could very well prompt her to cheat. I'm a big fan of giving a woman as much space and freedoms as she needs.

 

[YawataNoKami]

If a woman has cheated once on an individual, they WILL cheat again... at some point, even if it is a different person. It speaks milestones about their character. Or lack thereof.

While it's a nice thought, people don't ever really, truly change their ways.

Pump and dumb my friend............

 

[AlmostFamous]

I have not much to add, except my experiences with this subject.

I once met a girl who was in a pretty abusive relationship. After a while our talks got more intense and she tried to cheat with me, and I said no. We're about four years further right now and that girl keeps showing the same pattern:
She finds a boyfriend, and after a while she cheats on him (on holidays for example), and when she's done with it she "suddenly meets" a new guy. When the new guy is fully drawn in she breaks up with the old one and goes for the new one.
This has happened to I thin about four to five guys since the time I've known her.

My conclusion would be to be careful with this girl, or just have fun with it, but nothing serious I guess.

 

[GeoMan]

I have not much to add, except my experiences with this subject.

I once met a girl who was in a pretty abusive relationship. After a while our talks got more intense and she tried to cheat with me, and I said no. We're about four years further right now and that girl keeps showing the same pattern:
She finds a boyfriend, and after a while she cheats on him (on holidays for example), and when she's done with it she "suddenly meets" a new guy. When the new guy is fully drawn in she breaks up with the old one and goes for the new one.
This has happened to I thin about four to five guys since the time I've known her.

My conclusion would be to be careful with this girl, or just have fun with it, but nothing serious I guess.

I had plenty of these...

 

[RangerMIke]

Just don't get into exclusive relationships and you don't have to worry about this.

Look.... all women have the capacity to cheat on you. They are genetically programmed to ALWAYS be looking for their next best option. Under the right set of circumstances EVERY woman is capable of cheating on you. Just accept this and never put yourself in a frame of mind where you care if she is faithful.