Can you overcome differences in beliefs?

[andreihaha]

This is my problem at the moment. I met a girl, I was honest with her from the start. I'm more of a conservative guy, I do believe in God, I like to read and discover as much as I can. And I want to educate my kids in the same way.
She does not believe in anything and didn't get to that point in life where you question your existence and purpose.
She was ok with the way that I am and even went to church with me almost every Sunday, trying to understand or feel something. She did not.
So now that she realised that and we're 6 months into our relationship. Everything else is going amazingly well, she's hot, good sex, we have a lot of fun and we both love eachother but now that I know she doesn't want to raise her kids as I do, it feels some something that can't be reconciled.

As a little more context, I will not change my beliefs. And I want a family and a life partner, casual dating is not fulfilling to me any more.

Do you see a way out of this situation? Outside the easy(not so easy as everything else is going great) way of breaking up and moving on?

 

[Georgepithyou]

Yes you can, I'm also conservative but Every woman i have ever dated has been liberal and some even feminists. Young conservative women are virtually non existant. As long as you both agree to disagree you can still have a very healthy relationship.

When it comes to children, it's important to find a middle ground you both can agree on. If she isn't the stubborn kind this can be very easy

 

[andreihaha]

she isn't the stubborn kind this can be very easy

That's hard to say, she has submitted to me in some ways, but she's no pushover either. So yeah, not as easy for me to predict, but talking about it with her might be the only way to fully understand.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

That's hard to say, she has submitted to me in some ways, but she's no pushover either. So yeah, not as easy for me to predict, but talking about it with her might be the only way to fully understand.

The problem with talking is, it doesnt matter what she says now. She can flip a switch at some point down the road and by then she has leverage against you. You know the drill "dont listen to what she says, watch what she does".

Did she talk about kids? Is marriage a topic between you? (Never do it!) How old is she?

With 28 you are young..... unless she is forcing the agenda, you should take a lot more time with her before you decide anything.

Do you live together? If not, move together live under one roof for one or two years, pull ****tests to probe her compliance over the time.
Try to get her more submissive, train her.

Make no mistake, if you hand over power to women (with kids, marriage) they will not refrain from using it.
If you get into this(having kids with her), you better play to win and not to "man up and do whats right".

You have to be in a position of power in the relationship. You have to be able to walk away at any point if she decided to go nuts. Your mindset, finances and infrastructure have to be set up to this upfront and she has to know you mean it.

Also, you have to be sure she adores you, sees you as her best option and not just a guy she has feelings for right at the moment.
This off course is easier when she is 2 levels of SMV lower then you.

Looking back, i would never get into having kids with a woman that is not submissive to a certain degree and that hasnt gone through a series of ****-tests over at least 1 year under the same roof. If you think about LTR with kids, hotness, fun and good sex is not the most important criteria anymore.

 

[andreihaha]

Sounds to me like your entire focus of life is turning to this chic.

It's not the case, just that the relationship with her was probably my best so far, and this is why it's such a hard decision for me. It's not my only focus, just important enough to feel the need for hopefully good advice.

 

[andreihaha]

The problem with talking is, it doesnt matter what she says now. She can flip a switch at some point down the road and by then she has leverage against you. You know the drill "dont listen to what she says, watch what she does".

Did she talk about kids? Is marriage a topic between you? (Never do it!) How old is she?

With 28 you are young..... unless she is forcing the agenda, you should take a lot more time with her before you decide anything.

Do you live together? If not, move together live under one roof for one or two years, pull ****tests to probe her compliance over the time.
Try to get her more submissive, train her.

Make no mistake, if you hand over power to women (with kids, marriage) they will not refrain from using it.
If you get into this(having kids with her), you better play to win and not to "man up and do whats right".

You have to be in a position of power in the relationship. You have to be able to walk away at any point if she decided to go nuts. Your mindset, finances and infrastructure have to be set up to this upfront and she has to know you mean it.

Also, you have to be sure she adores you, sees you as her best option and not just a guy she has feelings for right at the moment.
This off course is easier when she is 2 levels of SMV lower then you.

Looking back, i would never get into having kids with a woman that is not submissive to a certain degree and that hasnt gone through a series of ****-tests over at least 1 year under the same roof. If you think about LTR with kids, hotness, fun and good sex is not the most important criteria anymore.

To answer some questions, no, she's not pushing the agenda, these are truly things that I want to have in the near future, next few years.
We are living together but not for a long time.
Since kids and marriage are things she knows I want, it's not really giving her any power.
I am able to move on from a mindset point of view, while the finance and infrastructure and kind of in place, but would take a little more work.
I'd say we're pretty even in regards to SMV.
Really good last point about the criteria. I know from what's in my original post that it looks like I haven't considered the requirements for something more than dating, but I did. She has some good abilities for a future wife/mother, but not being able to educate my kids in the same manner I was raised is a big enough con to consider leaving her.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Since kids and marriage are things she knows I want, it's not really giving her any power.

Considering laws and judges, kids and marriage ALLWAYS give them power, the level depending on the country you live in.

They can at any point decide you are not worth the hassle, "cut their losses" take half of your ****, 1000$ monthly, your kids and monkeybranch. Staying with you has to be the better deal for them.

She has some good abilities for a future wife/mother, but not being able to educate my kids in the same manner I was raised is a big enough con to consider leaving her.

She might have good abilities from what you have seen now..... lets see what happens when **** hits the fan. When she is at home all day for 2 years with two toddlers that get sick every other week and keep her engaged day and night while she doesnt get out of the house anymore except to the groceries and to the kids doctor. Lets see what happens when her hormones get all messed up by pregnancy and her body is ravaged from birth. Women have become abstinent harpies over birth before and will continue to do so.

Hot, fun and good sex have gone out of the window with countless pregnancies and you might end up with a woman that doesnt share your values in life.

Off course this is all worst case and i dont know her or what connection you two have. Just be aware that things will get a lot harder down the road and think of whats left between you and her once hot, fun and good sex might have gone.

But then.... as i said, you are young, as long as you "love" her, enjoy the ride and check her out for a year or two.

 

[RangerMIke]

Never settle for less than what you want. Never assume you can change a chick. Sure it's possible she might have an 'epiphany' and find faith, but if that happens it will be something she finds having nothing to do with you. If she tries to change and stay with you, well..... what ALWAYS happens is she will resent you.

These kinds of relationships can work, but it works because it works, not because someone changes.

 

[andreihaha]

Hot, fun and good sex have gone out of the window with countless pregnancies and you might end up with a woman that doesnt share your values in life.

That's quite an important point you make about values in life. Thank you!

 

[Fruitbat]

Depends on the values.

If it’s things like religion, TV, interests, comedy etc then yes - you can absolutely make this work. What’s more, personally I actually seek this out in people.

things you can’t get past: children (one wants the other doesn’t), extreme politics or religion, life goals (ie making money or enjoying life), drugs and drink (one loves the other hates - this will always showdown), extreme sex interests, open relationship v monogamy.

what you think about things is less important than where you want to go or how you want to live.

An example:my wife and I are different nationality, I had someone enquire as to the validity of this - I quote “how can you ever appreciate the same comedy and life experience etc”
This person was married to someone with whom they enjoyed all the same things, yet she wanted kids and her husband didn’t and she was, and always has been, deeply unhappy. She’s a nice girl, wants kids but her man doesn’t and she spends a lot of the time posting about their holidays but I feel she is trying to make up for it as it’s a bit obvious

 

[PRW63]

This is my problem at the moment. I met a girl, I was honest with her from the start. I'm more of a conservative guy, I do believe in God, I like to read and discover as much as I can. And I want to educate my kids in the same way.
She does not believe in anything and didn't get to that point in life where you question your existence and purpose.
She was ok with the way that I am and even went to church with me almost every Sunday, trying to understand or feel something. She did not.
So now that she realised that and we're 6 months into our relationship. Everything else is going amazingly well, she's hot, good sex, we have a lot of fun and we both love eachother but now that I know she doesn't want to raise her kids as I do, it feels some something that can't be reconciled.

As a little more context, I will not change my beliefs. And I want a family and a life partner, casual dating is not fulfilling to me any more.

Do you see a way out of this situation? Outside the easy(not so easy as everything else is going great) way of breaking up and moving on?

It is doomed to failure.

You might make it work if it was two different flavors of Christian,...but when it is atheist -vs- Christian it isn't going to work. There is the spiritual side as well. The side of spirituality driving you is at war with the spiritual side driving her,...it isn't just humans & "the physical".

If there were no children the two might tolerate each other but when kids are involved, the woman will always consider the kids to be more hers than they are yours (she carried them in her body for 9 months),...and she is going to want them raised "her way" and she will sabotage "your way" if she needs to.

 

[Black Widow Void]

To her credit, she made an effort to understand where you’re coming from (she attended your church).

She also seems to accept the fact that you two share a different belief system.

If you already have children and have no future plans to have children with her, can you explain your reservations?

The fact that she’s open minded enough to try to understand your couplehood differences and able to accept these differences is a rare female quality.

 

[andreihaha]

If you are really serious about your beliefs you must develop a different approach to "dating". You have a very specific category that you will be compatible with, with regards to raising a family. These must be brought up quite early as opposed to the "pua/red pill" dating advice.

I do bring it up early as I don't enjoy wasting my time. And I do believe that honesty is the only way to approach dating anyway.

Would you be happy with a liberal educating your kids that it's ok to be gay for example when the bible clearly states that homosexuality is an obomination. A detestable sin. How could you tell your kids "Jesus first" when your wife is not on board with that view point. They would be confused.

If it's God's will you shall be married and have a family.

Well, that's why it seems like I have no other choice.
And indeed I'm not trying to force anything, if it has to happen, it will. I just do what's in my own hands and pray for the best.

To her credit, she made an effort to understand where you’re coming from (she attended your church).

She also seems to accept the fact that you two share a different belief system.

If you already have children and have no future plans to have children with her, can you explain your reservations?

The fact that she’s open minded enough to try to understand your couplehood differences and able to accept these differences is a rare female quality.

It is rare indeed, she's quite a quality girl. Which is why I'm even trying to find a solution to this in the first place, instead of taking the easy route and moving on.

In case I didn't make it clear enough, I don't have kids at the moment and I'd like to have some in the future.