Can you help?

[randomer123]

I have signed up to this site as I have heard good things and that you guys know what you are doing.

I was wondering if you could help me?

I am 19, I work full time from 9 - 5. Weekends are free. In my spare time I never go out and watch anime or play video games.

I have been on a 17 month kissless dry spell. It's starting to get at me now.

Recently me and a friend went to a metal club, we tried hitting on 2 girls. We both got blueballed. A gunshot to the confidence.

I never go out, only to work, I have no female friends at all and only 3 irl friends and the rest are over the internet. They are all male.

Because of this no contact and big dry spell I think I am losing my sex drive.

I do have confidence and can talk, I just screw up and dont know what to say and I cannot impress at all.

I'm about 5 foot 7 and a bit chubby, not fat as in it is extremely noticable, but I admit I have a bit of extra meat. But I have seen guys exactly like me with stunning girls.

What can I do? What am I doing wrong?

 

[old_skoolr]

I'm guessing your a still a virgin too??

I love videogames and anime dude, but start going out more!! Hit up more metal clubs, start trying to chat up more girls. Sure your gna get rejected, but at least you'll learn and grow from it.

 

[randomer123]

I'm guessing your a still a virgin too??

I love videogames and anime dude, but start going out more!! Hit up more metal clubs, start trying to chat up more girls. Sure your gna get rejected, but at least you'll learn and grow from it.

There is only 1 metal club near me. I have a motorbike but I only use it for work.

I am not a virgin either. Had 3 gfs, done it with 2 of em.

I cant chat up girls because I dont know what to say and I cant flirt for ****.

I mean I looked at one of pooks guides and managed to get talking to a hot 23 year old at the party, but she was taken, buit still its something.

 

[Gunner26]

First off start getting out of the house more, how do you expect to improve if you just sit in the house all day on your free time, get out that door and do stuff, anything, any hobbies you felt like taking up recently?

17 month dry spell isn't really that long, some people on this board have gone years. Or have never kissed a girl, especially some of the guys that are of similar age to you and I.

Second, it's a good thing that you got rejected, I mean obviously a yes would have been better, but at least you've proven to yourself that you can get out there and attempt to talk to girls. That's the lesson to learn. Ignore that she rejected you, she just wasn't feeling it, her loss, she missed out on meeting a new cool guy. You've also had the sex so it can't be that bad really.

So 3 real friends total. It could be worse, you could have none. Are they the same as you, chilling in their homes all the time? Maybe try and get together with them, hit the pub on a Saturday night, go out and watch a film. Even if you don't make more friends, just get out of the house with them and start talking to people, eventually you'll start to make friends with people you meet out, especially if you become a regular.

Don't worry about what to talk about, just be yourself and stop trying to impress the girl. If you are trying to impress her she will know, just relax and have some fun. She should be trying to impress you anyway, it's your time she is being rewarded with for being a cool person.

In regards to your weight, if it bothers you then get to the gym. If not it doesn't matter, don't change just for the women, loose the weight because you want to loose it, not to impress a chick.

Hope this helps

Gunner

 

[randomer123]

Hello Gunner.

Thank you for your input.

I do most of the things you say, me and my friends see movies and drink etc (mainly at each others house, its better and cheaper than a pub). However it was my 1st time going to a night club in 3 years.

My irl friends feel like they are dragging me down as they are worse than me, they live off of dole money and have no internet and all they do is stay inside and play video games.

For my young age I am quite successful.

As for my weight I could not care less, I have tried in the past and could not motivate myself enough, now I am content with my weight and I dont mind.

All I really want is some new friends, a bit of relief and maybe even a partner?

But I do not know how to go about this, I mainly want a partner as I feel I need to start looking for one.

Also nice to see a fellow Brit.

 

[Purefilth]

Hello Gunner.

Thank you for your input.

I do most of the things you say, me and my friends see movies and drink etc (mainly at each others house, its better and cheaper than a pub). how do you expect to meet girls when you dont go where they are?However it was my 1st time going to a night club in 3 years.

My irl friends feel like they are dragging me down as they are worse than me, they live off of dole money and have no internet and all they do is stay inside and play video games.

For my young age I am quite successful.

As for my weight I could not care less, I have tried in the past and could not motivate myself enough, now I am content with my weight and I dont mind.

All I really want is some new friends, a bit of relief and maybe even a partner?

But I do not know how to go about this, I mainly want a partner as I feel I need to start looking for one.this is the wrong mindset. Will only lead to desperation which will get you nowhere.

Also nice to see a fellow Brit.

Another Brit here buddy.

First off, Id reccomend getting to the gym. I mean what's worse those extra 20LB or a couple of 30 minute workouts a week?

Purely because I reccomend to everyone that they should try to look the best they physically can - and why wouldnt you want to look your best?

Second reason for the gym - lots of people there. Youll meet some inspirational people - the type that DONT just sit around, they get up and DO.

Third reason - have you ever seen a girs azz while she's squatting? (dont stare though).

ok, I get it you dont wanna gym. So, What DO you want to do? Go Do THAT.

You have to find something that satisfies you, and makes you happy and focus on that. Because if you start to rely on someone else for happiness the you will have lost control of your own life.

Plus if you find a hobby to focus on - the chances of finding someone with a common interest goes right up!


Got plenty more thoughts, but im in a rush ill come back later.

 

[randomer123]

Thank you. I await your further input.

As for happiness, there are no clubs/hobbies around me that interest me or make me happy, everything around where I live is sports related. Thats not my scene.

I like making things and building pcs etc, I didnt study ICT for 5 years for nothing you know.

The only thing that really makes me happy is riding my motorbike, video games, alcohol and music.

Like here I am now listening to touhou and moping.

 

[Gunner26]

Ok well if you like building things then get out there and join a community project dedicated to building things. If there's nothing about look into starting one. Also there's computer hardware stores everywhere these days, you could probably find a group of people quite easily by advertising yourself as interested in building pc's at a local store.

If you like live music then get yourself to a few gigs, learn the places that play frequently and chat to everybody there. Do you play an instrument? Look for a group to play with/ get lessons etc.

Alcohol in my opinion is best consumed with lots of people around as opposed to just sitting around drinking with friends. I get a lot of energy from a few drinks so my preference is to go out clubbing, I know this may not be the case for you, but you know give it a try, it is a good way of getting out there and meeting people.

Do you have a car? Or how's your public transport? If everything around you is sports related look a little further afield for something that piques your interest.

Try anything that comes up basically.

And cut out the damn moping, feeling sorry for yourself is the wrong thing to do. If you aren't happy with where you are get out there and change it. Don't blame the fact that there's nothing out there for you to do, if there isn't anything then MAKE something.

Gunner

 

[randomer123]

Ok well if you like building things then get out there and join a community project dedicated to building things. If there's nothing about look into starting one. Also there's computer hardware stores everywhere these days, you could probably find a group of people quite easily by advertising yourself as interested in building pc's at a local store.

If you like live music then get yourself to a few gigs, learn the places that play frequently and chat to everybody there. Do you play an instrument? Look for a group to play with/ get lessons etc.

Alcohol in my opinion is best consumed with lots of people around as opposed to just sitting around drinking with friends. I get a lot of energy from a few drinks so my preference is to go out clubbing, I know this may not be the case for you, but you know give it a try, it is a good way of getting out there and meeting people.

Do you have a car? Or how's your public transport? If everything around you is sports related look a little further afield for something that piques your interest.

Try anything that comes up basically.

And cut out the damn moping, feeling sorry for yourself is the wrong thing to do. If you aren't happy with where you are get out there and change it. Don't blame the fact that there's nothing out there for you to do, if there isn't anything then MAKE something.

Gunner

I visit pc stores often. I have spent lots of money on pc related things.

Never been to any gigs at all, nobody will go with me as I have a very different taste in music to other people. Plus most artists I listen to only play like 3 times a year in places so far away I cant reach.

I have a motorbike, but nobody to go out with. That is changing shortly though.

I know this may sound vain, but hobby wise, I am very fussy and have to really enjoy it to stick at it. I have taken up many hobbies and lost interest in around 2 months.

It's too much money to make something over here in Britain.

 

[Mr Wright]

Ok, first thing, I want to say well done for taking the first step because for some it can be the hardest. However, the guys on here can give you ideas which work for them but at the end of the day you are an individual. From my experience with guys who have little to no background with girls, they struggle at the first stage, which is getting out of your comfort zone. The lure of just going home and playing Xbox is just too easy and comforting.

You can start off really simply by just leaving your house everyday for whatever reason. It gets you up at a decent time, it gives you a purpose and it leads to step two.

Step 2 is to just become a more sociable person, you dont make friends sitting in your house touching yourself, simple as that. Get outside and say hi to people whether they are old, young, gay, straight or whatever. If you're in a shop, instead of just handing over the goods, ask how their day is going and smile!

Step 3 is pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. When you want to grow as a person, you need reference points. Thats a time to look back on where you can say "I can do XXX because I did YYY which is similar to XXX" then you go and do it. However, it's about getting started and that just takes balls. I've done somethings which I dont need to do anymore but they serve as great reference points for when the confidence is a little low. Start to do things by yourself because it helps you in this way. One you realise that people dont actually care that you're by yourself if you're a fun person to be around. Two you realise that the only limits are the ones you impose on yourself. Go to a nightclub by yourself and you feel very uncomfortable at first, you become very aware of yourself, I've done it, got that out of the way and now if I really wanted to do it I could. What you want from this is completely down to you, I want to be able to do what I want when I want, so if I see a nice looking girl I can just go and talk to her and have a great interaction and see her again. You might just want a girlfriend who's into your scene and that's okay too.

Step 4, realising that there is no failure just feedback. Most guys who get good at this could tell you some real horror stories about how they could have been embarrassed but if you ask them if it was worth it, they would take those experiences 1000 times over to get the skill that they have today. This is scary, you will want to give up, you will think "fvck it" but thats just your body trying to protect you from something that isnt really there. If you want to make friends, go and talk to someone, have a great chat, tell them you enjoyed it, get their contact details and ask them to hang out sometime, it is that simple but no one does it. This takes time but it's worth it, I feel better within myself than the start of this month and I've been doing this for years, it does work out for you if you put the effort in.

But my number one piece of advise for you is to realise that you are a negative person, who by nature automatically goes to the worst possible outcome, claims all is hopeless and does nothing. If you want pity, you wont find it here on this site, go sign up to Cosmo and tell all the girls about how they all suck because they dont talk to you. B1tching and whining gets you no where, if you enjoy being no where by all means continue, if you want to make something of yourself. Stop. Excuses for things are there to mask our fears and give us reason not to do something.