Can you be too ****y?

[hansol]

Hey guys,

So I've had a nagging feeling the last little while. Maybe it's compounded by the fact that one of my plates blew up recently and I'm second-guessing myself. But a recurring theme in my "game" seems to be that I frequently have been hit with "You're too ****y. It's annoying/unnattractive/unwarranted/whatever."

Now I've always disregarded it in the past, due to the fact that I'm banging these girls at the same time they are complaining to me, but last night a girl whom I've only been out with once hit me with the following dialogue: "I don't see what you have to be so ****y about... ...You talk to me like I must be dying to be with you. It's not intriguing, it's insulting to me... It's not the sarcasm, it's the unwarranted swag." etc. Like I said, normally I would just brush this off, but a while back another plate told me "You're too ****y. It's not confidence, it's being ****y, and you have no real reason to be."

So this of course got me thinking. Ironically, professionally I've never had an issue. I have a reason to be confident at work and at my firm, and it shows. But it shows itself in quiet reserved-ness. I don't need to boast or vocalize, I just do what I do, and be humble when the praise/$$$ comes in. It's a lesson The Godfather movie taught me at a young age, and I've internalized the hell out of the lessons from that movie. When it comes to women however, I've always made a point to be overly ****y/funny and a ballbuster. It's not my natural personality, as I am typically a reserved guy, but learned that women are not always attracted to the quiet, confident, reserved guy in the corner sipping an Old Fashioned. And generally exuding that "****iness" has worked quite fine for me, at least when it comes to short-term game, as I've never had an issue bringing chicks home with that persona. Bust balls, make her laugh, bang, leave, etc. But for long-term stuff, I think maybe I've hit upon a sticking-point that needs correcting, as I'm thinking that while being a ****y ******* helps to build attraction, it might kill it long-term?

(And if this is the case, then I'm gonna be super bummed. I just walked away from something where I just assumed the chick was being a nutter who couldn't be pleased, when maybe it was my own issue (busting balls/being ****y) that was the problem, and one that could have been easily corrected at that...)

Anyway, anyone have any thoughts? Can you really be too ****y? Or is it one of those things where it's more of an art, and you need to pick the right time and place? Like I said, normally I wouldn't be phased, but to meet a chick and have her hit you with that as her first impression of you, I couldn't just walk away from it without hearing from the experts. Cheers -Hansol

 

[The Duke]

I don't know if you are too ****y or not, and quite truthfully no one here does either unless they observed you in action.

I've been called out for being too ****y by almost every girl I've been with. The first few times I was accused of it, it caused me to stop and think just like you have. Eventually, I learned to back off with some of the ****y and replaced it with a little more funny. I tried to do a better job of reading facial expressions so I could learn when my ****iness was too much.

Just because they are calling you out for it doesn't mean its a bad thing. If you are being ****y and they keep responding to it in a positive manner then don't take it as a bad thing when they call you out on it.

I imagine their are plenty of guys that have read some PUA book that says to be ****y and you will get girls so they go out and apply too much ****y and end up rubbing girls the wrong way.

If you aren't ****y by nature, then I would be cautious using it because most likely you will apply too much and come across as an arrogant a$$.
The main thing to remember is everything has a time/place/amount.......Its all about proper calibration.

 

[georgetheman]

Good quality girls who have some brains will be turned off by being too ****y and they should be. Good quality girls dont like men that are 100% alpha thats where this site f***s everything up. Women that marry men like that get sick of them and eventually divorce them. Women have needs too you know

From the sounds of alot of stuff I read on here, alot of the guys on this site are too ****y. Its good to have confidence and not be treated badly, but dont overdo it.

 

[Burroughs]

Good quality girls who have some brains will be turned off by being too ****y and they should be. Good quality girls dont like men that are 100% alpha thats where this site f***s everything up. Women that marry men like that get sick of them and eventually divorce them. Women have needs too you know

From the sounds of alot of stuff I read on here, alot of the guys on this site are too ****y. Its good to have confidence and not be treated badly, but dont overdo it.

lots of shaming language here....don't overdo it :crackup:

 

[Boilermaker]

Can you be too ****y?

Yes, you can. You see it everywhere with stupid PUA buffs who think being ****y-funny is same as being an antagonistic asshøle.

 

[zekko]

Whenever I see guys who are ****y all the time, I always think they've read too much PUA material. You might try dialing it back a little and seeing how that affects your results. That's how you find calibration. And remember it's ****y/funny, not just ****y. You have to have a balance.

Also, I think you're right about needing a different approach for the long term. If you want to be long term with someone, it's going to get old fast if you have to keep putting up a fake personality all the time.

 

[HoneyHitter]

Buyer's Remorse

Hey guys,

"You're too ****y. It's annoying/unnattractive/unwarranted/whatever."

"You're too ****y. It's not confidence, it's being ****y, and you have no real reason to be."

And generally exuding that "****iness" has worked quite fine for me, at least when it comes to short-term game, as I've never had an issue bringing chicks home with that persona. Bust balls, make her laugh, bang, leave, etc. But for long-term stuff, I think maybe I've hit upon a sticking-point that needs correcting, as I'm thinking that while being a ****y ******* helps to build attraction, it might kill it long-term?

Buyer's remorse
I don't think "being too ****y" can be determined in absolute terms. You can be as ****y as your social standing permits you to be. However, you're probably overselling yourself to these chicks and creating/projecting expectations you can't live up to. I don't have the impression you're the kind of guy that goes overboard with the ****iness, like some of the previous poster are suggesting. If it was THAT outrageous, these chicks would've rejected it right off the bat.

Undersell, overdeliver
These women are losing respect for you. They either think you are not as desirable as you claim to be. Or they're comparing you to one of THEIR other options.

This is what happens when she's missing social proof or demonstrations of high value. You may be a goodlooking guy or have whatever other quality attribute, if SHE never sees you getting attention from other women, she'll start to wonder.

No cure
Perhaps you're maintaining a cloud of mystique a little too long. In my experience the relationship is already over when they start complaining about you being "too ****y". At this point, trying to demonstrate high value or social proof works counterproductive. In fact, suddenly responding with less "****y" behaviour also puts the nail in the coffin. At this point, you just can't win them back.

The only thing that works is going no contact. Drop it like it's hot, and move on asap. Never ever tolerate disrepect.

 

[zekko]

In my experience the relationship is already over when they start complaining about you being "too ****y".

Good point. Being overly ****y might work well short term to create some animal attraction. But keep acting like your sh!t don't stink, and over time they will start to resent you for it.

 

[jammer]

Of course you can be too ****y. It's like charm, sometimes when you overdo it, it actually has the reverse effect and causes girls to roll their eyes or become agitated. It's like they feel you're being sarcastic or something.

So don't overdo it, it's defintley possible to be too ****y