Can someone give me some advice here

[captain55]

So Im in a committed relationship at the moment, haven't strayed from her yet. We've been dating 5-6 weeks or so, and this weekend was the first night I was out at a club and bars with her. Two nights in a row, She got VERY drunk to the point where she fell down and I had to carry her.

She's going out of town to stay with her cousins for about two weeks. She told me today that her cousin invited her to a party and asked me if I would be ok with it. Now she has given me **** about going out with my buddies before. So I didn't act jealous i simply said
" Would you feel comfortable with me going to a party? honestly?"

she told me "no". so I said ok then.

And then tried to pull the guilt trip on me. "oh so you don't trust me?" etc. I understand the fact that you just turned 21 and u wanna have fun... but its not like we've been dating 6 months...weve been dating less than 6 weeks. And going to a bar without your man there is simply disrespect IMO.

Am I really being unreasonable here? The girl basically proved to me she can't drink responsibly.

 

[captain55]

Guys part of me is paranoid because I know a lot of guys who are very secure and try to compensate by being alpha ...and let their woman go out clubbing with their girlfriends and **** because they are so afraid of looking jealous and insecure...and guess what, , these naive mother****ers still get cheated on.

Tm not jealous or insecure, Im just a guy who's banged a lot of chicks with boyfriends and married women. Do you think she's going to remember that amazing orgasm you gave her a week ago cuddling in bed with you when she's hammered? No...some women don't remember their married until the next day and they realize they made a mistake.

fact is intoxication= poor judgement. .My argument is it's disrespectful to your significant other to even put yourself in that position at all but yeah I don't wanna lose her. Did the single/player thing for years so Im not good with this relationship stuff quite yet.

 

[sylvester the cat]

5-6 weeks and this is a committed relationship? You must be joking.

 

[captain55]

5-6 weeks and this is a committed relationship? You must be joking.

this girl.
http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=217573

It was a unique situation..what are your feelings on her though? she told me she loved me a couple days after she slept with me which might of been a red flag. Im just really stumped with this one, I have lots of mixed feelings at the moment.

 

[sylvester the cat]

I'd have to ask why at 21 you want to be in a committed relationship with the first person you met from the internet? Is it her you love or the being in a committed relationship you love?

 

[pyros]

this girl.
http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=217573

It was a unique situation..what are your feelings on her though? she told me she loved me a couple days after she slept with me which might of been a red flag. Im just really stumped with this one, I have lots of mixed feelings at the moment.

yes, that is a huge red flag dude.

So she gets really drunk when she parties huh? well, what can you do about it? if she is that irresponsible, it is just how she is.
You either accept it and therefore you accept the consequences, or you just downgrade her to FWB and you do not give a fu-ck.

What option you wanna choose?

P.S.
you should not have to 'control' her, because YOU SHOULD choose a girl that is normal, responsible, trustworthy etc. The problem comes when you choose a shi-tty girl with flaws, baggage etc.

 

[Igetit!]

:crackup:.....Dude...I almost crackup up laughing when I saw this. You weren't kidding,your feelings really are mixed and confused.

First you say...

Guys part of me is paranoid because I know a lot of guys who are very secure and try to compensate by being alpha ...and let their woman go out clubbing with their girlfriends and **** because they are so afraid of looking jealous and insecure...and guess what, , these naive mother****ers still get cheated on.

You said part of you is paranoid,then RIGHT AFTER THAT you say....

Tm not jealous or insecure,

So you're paranoid cause you've seen other guys let their girls go out and they got cheated on,but yet you're not insecure. Heh. Gotta admit....this is a first. I've never seen someone paranoid and yet be confident and secure at the same time......

But if you say so.

Im just a guy who's banged a lot of chicks with boyfriends and married women.

Oh,I see now. You're afraid that what YOU'VE DONE with other girls who were in relationships might finally happen back to you.......you fearing the "karma" thing might come back on ya.

Yeah,guess it's a legitimate fear. And you said,"I'm just a guy who's banged A LOT OF CHICKS with boyfriends and husbands (married women). So you've done MANY TIMES to others what you've trying to prevent here from happening to you.


Well dude I'm sorry,but what's done is done. You reap what you sow,it's a universal law. And NO AMOUNT of you being scared,worried,"paranoid",NO AMOUNT of restrictions,conditions,limitations,rules,threats,or ultimatums you try to place on this girl.....NOTHING YOU DO is gonna undo and make that law not apply to you. Hell,the fact that you even chose a girl like this to get involved with relationshipwise is proof of that......YOU CHOSE someone where cheating HAS A HIGH PROBABILITY to occur,do to her DESIRE to go out to bars and get wasted.


Even if THIS GIRL doesn't cheat on you,that LAW is still out there,is still in effect,and WILL STILL be carried out.


You talk about how this girl has poor judgement. Ya think? You said she JUST turned 21. That's immaturity and poor judgement all by itself.....WITHOUT alcohol. Now she's 21 and getting fall down/pass out drunk.


Good luck dude. Cause you've gonna have a full time job on your hands following this girl around trying to keep her faithful. I'd hate to be in a relationship with someone where the only time I could trust them being faithful is when they're in eyeshot.

 

[GS750]

5-6 weeks and this is a committed relationship? You must be joking.

That's what I was thinking. If she's a big partier/drinker you have a cause for concern. Too early for full commitment dude. You havent seen her at her worst.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm going to throw aside the fact that a 6 week relationship is absurd, and just comment on the main issue...

" Would you feel comfortable with me going to a party? honestly?"

she told me "no". so I said ok then.

And then tried to pull the guilt trip on me. "oh so you don't trust me?"

So let's look at this situation.

You are not allowed to attend a party, but she should have the entitlement of going to parties because you're supposed to trust her. What kind of bull5hit is that?

You're getting 5hit like this in what's supposed to be a committed LTR, and it's happening early. This woman is NOT LTR material. This is the reason why you do NOT commit to a woman within the first 2-3 months. Before committing, you need time to allow the bad 5hit like this float to the surface. Once it does, you know that you should keep looking while fvcking her and avoid committing.

She's not worth your trust and respect.

 

[captain55]

I'd have to ask why at 21 you want to be in a committed relationship with the first person you met from the internet? Is it her you love or the being in a committed relationship you love?

I had been on POF off and on for over a year but my heart was never really into online date. Falling in love has always been an impossible task for me but I definitely like her more than any girl in a long time...and up until now I really couldn't complain.

 

[captain55]

yes, that is a huge red flag dude.

So she gets really drunk when she parties huh? well, what can you do about it? if she is that irresponsible, it is just how she is.
You either accept it and therefore you accept the consequences, or you just downgrade her to FWB and you do not give a fu-ck.

What option you wanna choose?

P.S.
you should not have to 'control' her, because YOU SHOULD choose a girl that is normal, responsible, trustworthy etc. The problem comes when you choose a shi-tty girl with flaws, baggage etc.

I know one of her good friends, who she practically tells everything to about guys including me. . I talked with him in detail about her, her past...asked him to keep it real with me. Am I falling for a slut? told me she wasn't....while it wasn't the perfect flower virgin past we would all love to hear it was bearable.

Her friends are older than her mostly so she rarely goes out because she can't being underage. I just happen to get into a relationship with the chick when she's turning 21 lol .

 

[captain55]

I'm going to throw aside the fact that a 6 week relationship is absurd, and just comment on the main issue...



So let's look at this situation.

You are not allowed to attend a party, but she should have the entitlement of going to parties because you're supposed to trust her. What kind of bull5hit is that?

You're getting 5hit like this in what's supposed to be a committed LTR, and it's happening early. This woman is NOT LTR material. This is the reason why you do NOT commit to a woman within the first 2-3 months. Before committing, you need time to allow the bad 5hit like this float to the surface. Once it does, you know that you should keep looking while fvcking her and avoid committing.

She's not worth your trust and respect.

shouldn't I give her props for asking my permission in the first place though? I mean she's going to be in a different city. She could easily have never told me about the party and gone anyways. why would she ask me something when she knew the answer she was going to get though? I can't help but feel like she's going to go anyways though.

Im contemplating with the idea of taking a trip down there with my boys as she DID invite me. but just so happening to take the trip on the night of the party and her giving me the address of the party and showing up there early and dragging her back to my hotel room with me. or maybe her giving me the address, telling me Im on my way and not even showing up.

 

[captain55]

:crackup:.....Dude...I almost crackup up laughing when I saw this. You weren't kidding,your feelings really are mixed and confused.

First you say...




You said part of you is paranoid,then RIGHT AFTER THAT you say....



So you're paranoid cause you've seen other guys let their girls go out and they got cheated on,but yet you're not insecure. Heh. Gotta admit....this is a first. I've never seen someone paranoid and yet be confident and secure at the same time......

But if you say so.




Oh,I see now. You're afraid that what YOU'VE DONE with other girls who were in relationships might finally happen back to you.......you fearing the "karma" thing might come back on ya.

Yeah,guess it's a legitimate fear. And you said,"I'm just a guy who's banged A LOT OF CHICKS with boyfriends and husbands (married women). So you've done MANY TIMES to others what you've trying to prevent here from happening to you.


Well dude I'm sorry,but what's done is done. You reap what you sow,it's a universal law. And NO AMOUNT of you being scared,worried,"paranoid",NO AMOUNT of restrictions,conditions,limitations,rules,threats,or ultimatums you try to place on this girl.....NOTHING YOU DO is gonna undo and make that law not apply to you. Hell,the fact that you even chose a girl like this to get involved with relationshipwise is proof of that......YOU CHOSE someone where cheating HAS A HIGH PROBABILITY to occur,do to her DESIRE to go out to bars and get wasted.


Even if THIS GIRL doesn't cheat on you,that LAW is still out there,is still in effect,and WILL STILL be carried out.


You talk about how this girl has poor judgement. Ya think? You said she JUST turned 21. That's immaturity and poor judgement all by itself.....WITHOUT alcohol. Now she's 21 and getting fall down/pass out drunk.


Good luck dude. Cause you've gonna have a full time job on your hands following this girl around trying to keep her faithful. I'd hate to be in a relationship with someone where the only time I could trust them being faithful is when they're in eyeshot.

pretty much bro. But to be fair...I did not know most of these women had boyfriends at the time until later on.

 

[Desdinova]

shouldn't I give her props for asking my permission in the first place though?

I had a woman who wanted props for asking my permission to attend a fetish party with a single male friend.

Do you think she deserved it?

 

[captain55]

I had a woman who wanted props for asking my permission to attend a fetish party with a single male friend.

Do you think she deserved it?

lol

 

[SeymourCake]

I think a better question would be why are you committed to a female when it's only been 5-6 weeks.

It hardly has been a month and she has you by the balls.

 

[The_411]

You're 21 so why be committed? The years from 16-30 are golden especially the 18-25 range. There are so many 18-21 year olds you can get with who are at their peak. For women once they get 25 it starts going down hill fast.

Now for your particular situation. Think about the fact this woman is getting so drunk she can't stand. What does that tell you? It should tell you that she's not likely one who is ready for anything committed because she doesn't care about her image and she's still having the time of her life living it up. Not to mention that she doesn't have much self-restraint.

A woman who demonstrates with little or no self-restraint isn't likely to remain faithful because she'll probably get hammered at her cousins and if there are guys there she'll probably hook up.

 

[captain55]

You're 21 so why be committed? The years from 16-30 are golden especially the 18-25 range. There are so many 18-21 year olds you can get with who are at their peak. For women once they get 25 it starts going down hill fast.

Now for your particular situation. Think about the fact this woman is getting so drunk she can't stand. What does that tell you? It should tell you that she's not likely one who is ready for anything committed because she doesn't care about her image and she's still having the time of her life living it up. Not to mention that she doesn't have much self-restraint.

A woman who demonstrates with little or no self-restraint isn't likely to remain faithful because she'll probably get hammered at her cousins and if there are guys there she'll probably hook up.

Would a woman cheat on a guy who she is attached to sexually though? I gave her her first orgasm the other day, she's been hitting me up all day asking me to come over etc. I didn't believe her until now just seeing the way she's acting. VERY attached. lots of lovey do very text messages when I ignore her.

will all of this matter if she's drunk enough? I ask because most of the women I banged who had boyfriends didn't seem all to happily sexually. I just think its a huge slap in the face for a chick to get drunk around a bunch of horny men even if she has no intents on cheating, I mean why put yourself in that position? gonna have to have a little chat with her.

to answer your question Im committed to her because I highly doubt she would agree to be **** buddies or friends with benefits. she's very jealous...and Id be lying if I said the sex wasn't good. She's the tightest Ive ever had, tighter than most 18 year olds. so what do I do ya know?

 

[henry555]

5-6 weeks or months is not a huge time period. i have seen people they cheat after 25 years also. who has made his mind to cheat will always cheat you no matter how much time period you stay together


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[The_411]

Would a woman cheat on a guy who she is attached to sexually though? I gave her her first orgasm the other day, she's been hitting me up all day asking me to come over etc. I didn't believe her until now just seeing the way she's acting. VERY attached. lots of lovey do very text messages when I ignore her.

will all of this matter if she's drunk enough? I ask because most of the women I banged who had boyfriends didn't seem all to happily sexually. I just think its a huge slap in the face for a chick to get drunk around a bunch of horny men even if she has no intents on cheating, I mean why put yourself in that position? gonna have to have a little chat with her.

to answer your question Im committed to her because I highly doubt she would agree to be **** buddies or friends with benefits. she's very jealous...and Id be lying if I said the sex wasn't good. She's the tightest Ive ever had, tighter than most 18 year olds. so what do I do ya know?

To answer your question ... Yes. She's 20, and she doesn't have enough self-control with alcohol and there are plenty of guys who will take advantage and don't care that she might be in a relationship.

If they hit key attraction switches and she's too hammered to resist it won't matter how much she's into you.

The key to a woman not cheating is the fear she will lose you. However, this isn't ironclad by any means. Once you think she's cheat proof is when she will go and cheat.

It's no reason to live in a state of paranoia. You should always accept that a woman could cheat on at any time no how matter how well you've locked it down how much she appears to be attached.


Out of sight = out of mind for women.

So even if she doesn't cheat you must always be prepared that she will.