Can someone explain the push-pull method to me?

[Oatmeal31]

Is the the method defined as pushing for her as in expressing attraction, touching, compliments, etc. and then pulling back as in withdrawing, not paying as much attention, less touch, etc.?

If the push-pull method is defined this way, then generally, when is the right time to push and when is the right time to pull? I would think pulling when she shows interest can backfire. And certainly, pushing when she shows any sort of disinterest can backfire. And if she's not meeting you in the middle in some ways, clearly enjoys your affection but doesn't give as much in return, then it's time to pull and let her push, right? Is the whole point of this, that it doesn't become one-sided?

I find that when I'm physically escalating, the girl I'm with enjoys it but does not reciprocate nearly as much until I pull back. In fact, now that I think about it, most girls don't show that level of affection in return unless I pull back and they miss having it. (Unless they're drunk, in which in some cases they meet me in the middle right away)

What I typically do is show attraction and push when she gives me "green lights" and I pull when I think I may be giving too much and/or when I get "yellow/red lights." Similar to mirroring.


Or is this really just mirroring with extra steps?

An example. At work, I'd greet people every time I came in. Good morning, how ya doing, hey what's up, etc. but I found that most of the time I had to initiate. I decided to pull back from those that wouldn't initiate a simple greeting and return that courtesy after doing it myself numerous times. Recently, some of them have started to initiate. I still have to initiate conversation beyond that, but it's progress.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

There is a great deal of material about push/pull in seduction, there are threads about it here.

A number of thoughts fill my mind & I will share without real regard for continuity....but I will say this. I am a master of creating attraction, including the use of so-called push/pull. It is completely internalized and a natural expression of my interactions. Unsurprisingly I am a magnetic person. The more I am around a man the more he wants to be around me....but I am fleeting and mysterious, never spoiling the plot line & letting a drama unfold organically (except it is organic in a tactical way - almost a maniulation).

OMG! Manipulation! Not in a bad sense. It is a skill set of reading an interaction and using that information to your advantage. This is ALWAYS occurring early on in the seductive process....and for happily partnered couples it must continue in parallel with the growing familiarity and attachment in order to maintain erotic energy.

Think of it this way, as a string between two people. Attraction happens when the string is taunt and not flaccid. So if each person is holding one end of the string and it pulls too tight? Tension is lost, it breaks like a fishing line & one party breaks the connection & exits the interaction. Alternatively if the string is taunt and one person suddenly leans in too much? The tension is lost (and with it the erotic energy, aka sexual tension).

So how does one keep the tension? By learning to effectively read people's behavior, tone and body language. Become a keen observer of other people. Actively listen when a woman is chatting to you, be open to her feelings, what excites her, what she is afraid of, learn to ask questions to discover how she ticks, take a genuine interest in the woman before you.

Quit worrying about sex. Learn to seduce and the sex will be a natural by product, a predictable outcome.

Once you have a woman who you are interested in who reciprocates your interest then the seductive process may begin.

Required thing 1: Woman showing interest in you.

Once you have that then you begin the dance. You ask her out. She says yes.

If she keeps saying yes she is interested irrespective of anything else.

Brand your brain with the above sentence.

If she says No? Not interested, or not available. You can take a moment to determine which, but then you must take your leave.

People fall in love with what they invest in; but people also fall in love in your absence. At first those 2 things seem at odds. They are not. You see we all create a construct in our mind when we meet someone new. We invest mental energy and imagine things about the object of our desire. We fill the void with fantasy. If you are too busy pursuing too much (suffocating the interaction and removing all space for her to imagine you and wonder where you are/what you are doing/who you are with?) No more intrigue or mystery. No more sexual tension, reduction in erotic energy.

So you want to be available or expressing interest....but not TOO much interest.....not TOO much contact, but enough. Some details but not TOO many details. Keep the tension in the line.

Each interaction between 2 individuals is different, and each man will need to field test for himself the nuance of how he is most effective and what works well for him.

But essentially it is nuanced, push/pull, when done well. It should create a magnetic attraction when done naturally and effortlessly, and that is a by product of your genuine interest in and curiosity about the woman in question combined with your patience and trust in the seductive process.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Before a man can have any great success with women he must understand and control his lust for female beauty and sexuality

In many senses women have by far the upper hand when it comes to the first stages of an interaction because they usually aren't as highly sexually charged as men so women can remain composed with a lot more ease

As a man its very very easy to lose your composure with a woman you find attractive and women who have experience with men know exactly how to test this

The amount of times in the past I've got my foot in the door with an absolute baddie and then fvcked it up because I've gotten too excited or eager

I have vast experience with women and I can assure you this is the key to building attraction

You do the approach and you remain cool you can signal a subtle romantic interest in her but thats it, then you let her size you up and start thinking about you ideally you want her to be talking to her girlfriends about you that's when your through the door and can start thinking about having sex

But men want to get sexual too quickly and most women ( aside from Wh0Res) fvcking hate this

 

[BaronOfHair]

I find that when I'm physically escalating, the girl I'm with enjoys it but does not reciprocate nearly as much until I pull back

You pulled prime sirloin out of a lioness's jaw, after spending 15 minutes waving it in front of her face... Still surprised she pursued that which she hungered for?

 

[BadBoy89]

You do the approach and you remain cool you can signal a subtle romantic interest in her but thats it, then you let her size you up and start thinking about you ideally you want her to be talking to her girlfriends about you that's when your through the door and can start thinking about having sex

Agree if the man is young.

But if the man is older and attracted to the woman, he's got no time to have her "thinking about having sex". It's got to be 1st date or latest 2nd date, otherwise he has to move on.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Push/pull" is terrible terminology because it's vague, ambiguous, and can refer to entirely different dynamics. Some major ones are:

1. Coquette – someone who pushes by showing warmth, charm, and interest to spark desire, then pulls by becoming distant, cold, or unavailable once you’re emotionally hooked. This dynamic creates tension and feeds on vanity, when someone seems to want you and then suddenly doesn’t, it makes you question your own desirability, which keeps you chasing.

Example: When I was younger and didn't know what I was doing, I had a 3-hour phone conversation with a girl. The next day, I called her expecting the same experience. She was super dry. I felt awful, because I had few options and tied my worth to attention.

2. Send mixed signals process— Spark fascination by showing one quality while subtly hinting at its opposite, confidence with vulnerability, sweetness with danger, intellect with sadness. https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/to-attract-women-be-fun-or-be-serious.282930/post-3132209

3. The Neg — Instead of insults, you subtly highlight what your target lacks, their insecurities, boredom, or lost ideals. This awakens self-doubt and anxiety, making them feel incomplete and more likely to seek fulfillment through you. Your Friends & Neighbors — Rich Guy | Apple TV+ | 1% of the wealth, 0% of a clue. Your Friends & Neighbors — Now Streaming #YourFriendsAndNeighbors #YFAN #JonHamm #AppleTV #AppleTVPlus | By Apple TV | Facebook

There’s more, and even though it might seem like playing games, this dynamic happens naturally when you're busy or have options. For example, if you're seeing multiple girls and you're spending time with one, you'll naturally take longer to respond to others. Or if you're in a bad mood, you may come off more blunt or distant. You need to be confident, self-sufficient, non-needy, and unafraid to lose anyone. One tactic I sometimes use when I am bored is that I initiate texts for three days straight then I go silent or more reserved on the fourth. It keeps things unpredictable.

 

[Glassguy]

Create good anxiety with a woman. That's basically it.