looking4advice
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- Feb 24, 2013
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Hey guys Im 26 years old and live in NYC, Ive had gf's before but the past two years have been emotionally a rough patch for me and I am getting back on my feet now.
I work long hours in a job that I absolutely love, so I have that handled. I've started exercising as well to keep myself fit and attractive as I've gained weight and dont feel good about how I look but thats what Im changing now.
Lastly is this issue of alpha male vs beta male that's been bothering me for quite some time. My personality that is.
Naturally I am a passive, insecure, timid and shy type of person who doesn't like being the center of attention or being dominant. I am not an alpha male by nature. Most people are not and you can tell they are acting or posing from their body language. I am also afraid of rejection which is why I dont like approaching women in bars and clubs too often and keep to my group of friends when I'm there.
Now I've scoured the internet and so many guru's in the PUA community point to becoming an alpha as the key to improving the success you have with women.
I am not going to argue with their analysis, I agree that women as a whole are programmed by nature to be attracted to alpha males because of the advantages a personality of this kind of man offers in survival, all of this being subconscious of course.
This naturally puts me at a disadvantage since I am a beta male especially in places like clubs or bars where the interaction is very superficial and the alpha male has home court advantage.
I realized all of this at the age of 18 or 19 and embarked on a journey to becoming the alpha male, but over the years now I've only felt the timidity, insecurity, shyness and passivity and it has not been replaced with aggressive, dominant, secure, confident emotions.
Even though at times I ACTED like I was an alpha male, I was a good actor, but never were my action congruent with how I felt inside of me.
My first note is that advice on being an alpha male doesnt help a beta male since he tries to emulate alpha males and doesnt really change his underlying emotions. Changing underlying emotions is not a straight forward process.
Also over the years I'm growing tired of bringing myself to turn on a switch whenever I'm in the presence of women to act more like more of an alpha male than I normally feel inside. Im getting tired of being an actor so much so that I avoid women all together.
I've been avoiding women for the past year or so because interacting with them feels like so much work, trying to be this great alpha male, putting on a show for women to see me in.
Instead I said to myself perhaps if I can recognize that I have certain traits, that I am a shy quiet person who tends to be on the insecure side. Perhaps what I can do is not put myself at a disadvantage in clubs or bars.
Sure I'd love to have sex with hot women, who doesn't but it wont kill me if I don't have tons of sexual partners with super hot women. I won't feel too bad if I never have that skill.
I'll be happy with finding a woman where she makes me happy and vice versa.
So I said to myself that I am naturally a shy quiet timid kind of guy, what I need to do is find women where conversation is more organic and less forced like a bar.
A group or class makes for organic natural interaction, while pickup forces unordinary situations upon strangers and yourself. I really hate talking to women at bars because it doesnt feel natural like talking to a girl who is in your class for example.
On top of that I want to stop acting and perhaps I'll say or do whatever I am feeling like rather than monitoring my behavior.
If I'm talking to with a woman and I am feeling insecure and shy, I might just tell her "hey you know you make me kind of nervous in a good way" or if I am feeling funny I might just say "Hey you look like you just rolled out of bed today, rough night?"
What I dont want to be doing anymore is having a giant checklist running through my head that is constantly monitoring what I am doing and then telling me:
"Okay be more ****y funny now, be more dominant now, grab here here do this and do that"
I've lost my patience for trying to be something that I dont feel inside, so instead I think I am going to just be who I am on the inside and not pretend to be something I am not.
I work long hours in a job that I absolutely love, so I have that handled. I've started exercising as well to keep myself fit and attractive as I've gained weight and dont feel good about how I look but thats what Im changing now.
Lastly is this issue of alpha male vs beta male that's been bothering me for quite some time. My personality that is.
Naturally I am a passive, insecure, timid and shy type of person who doesn't like being the center of attention or being dominant. I am not an alpha male by nature. Most people are not and you can tell they are acting or posing from their body language. I am also afraid of rejection which is why I dont like approaching women in bars and clubs too often and keep to my group of friends when I'm there.
Now I've scoured the internet and so many guru's in the PUA community point to becoming an alpha as the key to improving the success you have with women.
I am not going to argue with their analysis, I agree that women as a whole are programmed by nature to be attracted to alpha males because of the advantages a personality of this kind of man offers in survival, all of this being subconscious of course.
This naturally puts me at a disadvantage since I am a beta male especially in places like clubs or bars where the interaction is very superficial and the alpha male has home court advantage.
I realized all of this at the age of 18 or 19 and embarked on a journey to becoming the alpha male, but over the years now I've only felt the timidity, insecurity, shyness and passivity and it has not been replaced with aggressive, dominant, secure, confident emotions.
Even though at times I ACTED like I was an alpha male, I was a good actor, but never were my action congruent with how I felt inside of me.
My first note is that advice on being an alpha male doesnt help a beta male since he tries to emulate alpha males and doesnt really change his underlying emotions. Changing underlying emotions is not a straight forward process.
Also over the years I'm growing tired of bringing myself to turn on a switch whenever I'm in the presence of women to act more like more of an alpha male than I normally feel inside. Im getting tired of being an actor so much so that I avoid women all together.
I've been avoiding women for the past year or so because interacting with them feels like so much work, trying to be this great alpha male, putting on a show for women to see me in.
Instead I said to myself perhaps if I can recognize that I have certain traits, that I am a shy quiet person who tends to be on the insecure side. Perhaps what I can do is not put myself at a disadvantage in clubs or bars.
Sure I'd love to have sex with hot women, who doesn't but it wont kill me if I don't have tons of sexual partners with super hot women. I won't feel too bad if I never have that skill.
I'll be happy with finding a woman where she makes me happy and vice versa.
So I said to myself that I am naturally a shy quiet timid kind of guy, what I need to do is find women where conversation is more organic and less forced like a bar.
A group or class makes for organic natural interaction, while pickup forces unordinary situations upon strangers and yourself. I really hate talking to women at bars because it doesnt feel natural like talking to a girl who is in your class for example.
On top of that I want to stop acting and perhaps I'll say or do whatever I am feeling like rather than monitoring my behavior.
If I'm talking to with a woman and I am feeling insecure and shy, I might just tell her "hey you know you make me kind of nervous in a good way" or if I am feeling funny I might just say "Hey you look like you just rolled out of bed today, rough night?"
What I dont want to be doing anymore is having a giant checklist running through my head that is constantly monitoring what I am doing and then telling me:
"Okay be more ****y funny now, be more dominant now, grab here here do this and do that"
I've lost my patience for trying to be something that I dont feel inside, so instead I think I am going to just be who I am on the inside and not pretend to be something I am not.