Can I Just Be Her Friend?

[CanuckinSK]

About twelve years ago, a friend introduced me to one of his wife's single friends. She was shy, very intelligent, great job (architect), and a very nice person. Only thing is, I had very little attraction to her, maybe 4-5 HB.

We went out on a few dates, and only shared a few innocent kisses, on the cheek. I knew she was REALLY attracted to me and wanted more than innocent kisses. I distanced myself and eventually just stopped going with her.

Fast-forward to last winter. I ran into her again and started going on a few dinner dates with her. I TRIED to develope an attraction to her, but it just wouldn't come. Again, more little kisses, but I wouldn't progress further.

After a couple of months, I stopped seeing her again. I'd like to remain friends with her, (I enjoy hanging around with her) but I don't want her to get the wrong idea. As she wanted me as more than a friend, is it possible to 'downgrade' her opinion of me to 'just a friend'?

Of course, it may be academic as she may not want to see me again after I appeared to flake on her twice now...

 

[joekerr31]

its very very hard to downgrade. if she wants you thats that. she might accept the friends thing, but she'll always be hoping for more.

when a woman 'wants' a man, she tends to either want him forever, or cuts loose of him and wants nothing to do with him. i've rarely seen a woman be able to go from wanting a man to being ok with just being 'friends'.

 

[STR8UP]

This is one of those sticky opposite sex friend issues you will come across from time to time.

There's one chick I know who REALLY likes me. I only found out the other day just HOW much she likes me, but now it makes sense.

I vented some of my problems to her in the past and I would have though it would have made her see me as weak and turned her off, but it seems that although she is engaged to someone else she STILL has attraction toward me.

You can call that as good or bad and I would have thought that it might have made her look at me in a different way, but no dice....she's still attracted to me. I want to keep this one around as a friend but I guess the only way to do so is to keep her attracted. And that's not hard to do if you AREN'T attracted to her!

I would agree with Joe.....women who are very attracted to you will either remain attracted to you or if you do manage to kill the attraction they will want nothing to do with you. Sad, but true.

 

[MR_PERFECT]

its very very hard to downgrade. if she wants you thats that. she might accept the friends thing, but she'll always be hoping for more.

when a woman 'wants' a man, she tends to either want him forever, or cuts loose of him and wants nothing to do with him. i've rarely seen a woman be able to go from wanting a man to being ok with just being 'friends'.

This is why I don't believe men and woman can be friends. A girl beneath you will always want you if you're just friends with her. A girl above you will never be a reliable friend and you will always want more, or at least sex. A girl at your level you will more than likely be dating.

 

[STR8UP]

This is why I don't believe men and woman can be friends. A girl beneath you will always want you if you're just friends with her. A girl above you will never be a reliable friend and you will always want more, or at least sex. A girl at your level you will more than likely be dating.

Great analogy.

That's why if you ARE going to be friends with a woman it is SUPER important not to get involved in a friendship with a girl "above" you. There either has to be less or equal sexual tension from you to her or it's a recipe for disaster.