Can hot and cold be a roadblock? Example enclosed

[Scought]

Hello all,

I went out on the 2nd date with this girl I went out with last week.

At first, she told me that she didn't think she would ever hear from me again.

I had ignored her text she sent after our first date telling me she had fun, etc.

So, we went out to grab a bite to eat and went to a Karaoke bar to grab some drinks and make fun of bad singers.

I am giving her sheiit and teasing her a bit. I am also dropping some subtle compliments--and giving some touches and than not touching for a while.

Anyway, there was a weird dynamic. I could feel tension even though we both were having a good time.

She tells me she isn't sure what is going on. She is like, "I don't know if you are having fun."
To which I reply: What part of me smiling and laughing shows i am not having fun.

She says: You show interest and then you don't so I don't really know the situation.

She is "uncomfortable." Is that the point of hot and cold? Too make her uncomfortable and uneasy because she doesn't have control or some guy drooling over her?

I almost caved in. But, I didn't. I started kissing her and looking into her eyes and left it at that.

However, I think this girl has low self-esteem. She is older than by aout 3-4 years. She talks about how she doesn't want to appear 'stupid.'
I also believe that had I not used hot and cold and just done my thing their would have been less 'friction' between us.

My question is this: Is natural for hot and cold to make someone uncomfortable so that they are questioning their value to you? Is it supposed to throw a girl off like that (as a way to increase value)? Or was I simply over-doing it?

I do know that I use CF too much and I don't know when to stop or shut up with it.

But, I did remember the judge her "actions" and not her "words." So despite her telling me all this, she is making out with me, and buying me drinks at this place we were at. So, her actions show one thing, or words say another.

Anyway, with a woman that has potential self-esteem issues (or is surprised I am not all over her and dettached) is it better to use less hot and cold and more "buttering" them up so to speak.

I am doing a bad job of putting my thoughts to this post.


My thing is that I don't OVERLY-flirt with Women. Nor am I all over them the first few times we hang out. Not to say that I am not 'sexual' or making interests know--more that I don't jump all over girls like some poor saps are you get too into a girl too early. She has to earn my affection, etc.

Later, she told: I think you are a attractive and I like kissing you, I just don't know why I am doing it. I don't know where we are.

My answer: We are down town.

This just frustrates her more and seems to create more roadblocks.

Anyway, she has a bit too much to drink and things get weird. I drive her home and she heads into her bathroom, where I get up and leave. I wake up this morning and there are 3 missed calls from her last night. I am not willing to deal with a girl that is a bit drunk.

So, now that I have been a bit 'cold' turn it up a little bit for the next few days, then get cold again.

I understand most of the things on here and use them quite well. I laugh, smile, keep eye contact, am confident. It was weird just hearing a girl verbalize that I was "acting interested and then not interested." Usually they don't say anything.

Thoughts are greatly appreciated.

 

[dynamicallyidle]

I personally think ignoring a girl should only be done as punishment. If you want to be cold, be disinterested, but still polite.

I don't blame her for being insecure if you straight up ignored her text after the first date.

 

[vorbis]

It depends what you want out of this girl. She's buying you drinks and making out with you? That suggests to me a high interest level. You're overthinking the hot and cold stuff. If she's really into you then escalate like a mother****er

I really believe guys should only play games if the girl is not showing them that much interest. If she's got high interest keeping to "call her once a week, act uninterested, don't compliment her" is counterproductive. You shouldn't turn all wimpy but reciporating her interest will get you laid!

 

[Thomas94305]

You're saying "advance, no don't, yes do, no don't.." We're not drama queens, that's up to the girls. If you want this, drop the hot and cold. Continue to joke. But, when she texts you, go ahead and text her back, she's showing interest, so reward that.

The C&F stuff is to be fun, and to let her know you aren't a pushover. But, if it's going in a direction you want, why fight that? Reward it. If she gives you crap, that's the place to bust on her, or act aloof; that's not happening. Go have fun, enjoy each others attention, tease some, but cut back on giving her crap unless she first does it.

 

[Scought]

Noted.

Thanks for your input.

I just need to tighten up that part and things will be great.

My greatest challenge isn't getting the number, or the first date and second date, it's creating continuity and extending things.