Can being arrogant hurt your chances just as much as being an AFC?

[drift king]

I was trying to meet up with this HB via a mutual friend from Facebook but made a joke about how I wanted to see her under date terms (even though we've never met before) and she took it seriously and says to me ''sorry im not ready for dating. have a good week'' I responded with something about how I was joking and that since we've never met yet she was getting too far ahead of herself.

She then countered with that ''to be honest-you are too forward. i'm tied up this week at work, let's leave it for a while''

My first reaction was like.. WTF?? We haven't even met so it makes no sense to leave it a while as what difference would that make?

I could understand if I met her once and came on too strong then leaving it a while would be cool.

I responded with something along the lines of what I said above plus that i might not even like her if we met so she was getting ahead of herself and that she'd be missing out on a great opportunity meeting a stud like me. (I decided for the over ****y arrogant approach since I usually end up sending something AFC back) Is this going to hurt my chances anymore then sending something AFC?

She probably thinks I'm conceited and arrogant now.. (better than her thinking i'm an AFC tho..)

 

[Mr. Me]

The short answer is yes.

The longer answer is: gotta be careful with emails and IMs and texts because the ****y/funny inflection doesn't transmit well and people pick it up as arrogant and get turned off. As you've just experienced.

 

[Gubby]

I'm a big proponent of positive arrogance.

If you've GOT IT... fu'ck 'em all!

 

[MotownMack]

What Mr. Me said is accurate, but-

There is a difference between being too ****y and too forward. In my opinion, that was your mistake here, not being to ****y.

This has been my experience as SS's Online Dating Guru:

You can usually get away with being a little ****y and confident online, just don't over do it.

But being forward is nothing new online, since it doesn't take any balls to do this, for DJ's or AFCs. Forward messages range from "call me" and leaving a phone number on the very first message, to "you're hot, wanna fawk", to "lets go out sometime".

At some level, being AFC could be defined by doing "what everyone else does" and is what DJs DO NOT do. So, stated differently, being too forward and aggressive when it comes to hooking up online is the equivalent of AFC behavior, since it's rampant.

And the other possibility (all rolled into one here for the purposes of simplicty)- she's just a b1tch with no sense of humor, no personality, or is not interested and feels comfortable being a b1tch because of this fact. Although I think it's a really b1tchy tactic, it's not uncommon for some girls who aren't interested to try to project the reason for their disinterest on something you did, as excuse to next you. When the reality is, you just may not have been hot enough or something else.

I rarely run into this, since my openers are usually innocent enough-at worst, I will usually just get no response at all. But, just to site and example, the about two weeks ago, I made a comment to a girl about her screen name-

Her name was obviously Danielle Marie, but for some reason she went with the screen named DanielleMarrieD. I made some playful comment about how her name indicated she was married, and she shouldn't be on here looking for action.


It was maybe a little silly (I didn't put much work into it, I admit, I just didn't care), but it was no way offensive, nor could it be miscontrued as anything bad.

She wrote me back saying something like: "I don't appreciate you saying I am married."

Because she obviously had an attitude (I was clearly kidding and used emoticons, etc), I was tempted to unload on this HB6.5-7 for her little retort. I didn't, but I admit to being a little annoyed because it was an obvious over reaction that she felt ok with because she wasn't interested. Or just had no sense of humor/personality.

Anyway, you will run into people like that online and real life. If you're not too forward and are just trying to make a flirty comment and you get this response-just ignore it and move on.

 

[CryingFreeman]

I was trying to meet up with this HB via a mutual friend from Facebook but made a joke about how I wanted to see her under date terms (even though we've never met before) and she took it seriously and says to me ''sorry im not ready for dating. have a good week'' I responded with something about how I was joking and that since we've never met yet she was getting too far ahead of herself.

She then countered with that ''to be honest-you are too forward. i'm tied up this week at work, let's leave it for a while''

My first reaction was like.. WTF?? We haven't even met so it makes no sense to leave it a while as what difference would that make?

I could understand if I met her once and came on too strong then leaving it a while would be cool.

I responded with something along the lines of what I said above plus that i might not even like her if we met so she was getting ahead of herself and that she'd be missing out on a great opportunity meeting a stud like me. (I decided for the over ****y arrogant approach since I usually end up sending something AFC back) Is this going to hurt my chances anymore then sending something AFC?

She probably thinks I'm conceited and arrogant now.. (better than her thinking i'm an AFC tho..)

dude ur a douche, i will slit ur throat

 

[ketostix]

I was trying to meet up with this HB via a mutual friend from Facebook but made a joke about how I wanted to see her under date terms (even though we've never met before) and she took it seriously and says to me ''sorry im not ready for dating. have a good week'' I responded with something about how I was joking and that since we've never met yet she was getting too far ahead of herself.

She then countered with that ''to be honest-you are too forward. i'm tied up this week at work, let's leave it for a while''

My first reaction was like.. WTF?? We haven't even met so it makes no sense to leave it a while as what difference would that make?

I could understand if I met her once and came on too strong then leaving it a while would be cool.

I responded with something along the lines of what I said above plus that i might not even like her if we met so she was getting ahead of herself and that she'd be missing out on a great opportunity meeting a stud like me. (I decided for the over ****y arrogant approach since I usually end up sending something AFC back) Is this going to hurt my chances anymore then sending something AFC?

She probably thinks I'm conceited and arrogant now.. (better than her thinking i'm an AFC tho..)

Well I wouldn't conclude that you being arrogant is the problem here. She probably wasn't that interested in you initially for other reasons. And when you said "you wanted to see her on dating terms", the problem with that is you showed her a lot of interest and validation more than arrogance. So I think the issue here is she wasn't that interested for whatever reasons, and you were challenging and mysterious enough moreso than it was arrogance.

 

[DonGorgon]

Even good things, in excess, can turn bad..

 

[MotownMack]

She probably wasn't that interested in you initially for other reasons. And when you said "you wanted to see her on dating terms", the problem with that is you showed her a lot of interest and validation more than arrogance. So I think the issue here is she wasn't that interested for whatever reasons

This is pretty much what I said in my previous post, and I agree with it. Though what I said about being too forward absolutely still stands, I don't see what you said as being tremendously forward (assuming it wasn't your first message), but more common and AFC (remember, IMO, forward behavior online can come of as a little AFC).

(better than her thinking i'm an AFC tho..)

Well, you did do one another thing was AFC in my opinion, not to be too critical. When a girl sends you the message that you've gone a little too far and you think you may have turned her off a little (hey, it happens to all of us), I rarely apologize for the behavior or comment, especially online. Even though you didn't apologize per se, you said you were "just kidding" which has the same effect. In essence, what you did is make an aggressive move, then try to back track, which makes does not project confidence, congruence, and is a DLV. Your supplicating her based on her negative reaction, and you definitely don't want to do this early on.

When I am in your situation and am not quite ready to give up, I will diffuse the situation with a subject change. If I acknowledge her comment at all (usually I don't), it's brief and light, almost making a joke about the situation.

In other words, make the lost ground up elsewhere, not by trying to retract your behavior.

 

[cloneofstenyhoyer]

sometimes there can be a combination of both in one's personality. just take what I pulled last weekend - I acted both afc and arrogant while drunk.

 

[Latinoman]

If she finds you attractive...then being a little cucky/funny is going to work with her as she will probably find it cute.

However, do not confuse ARROGANCE with ****iness. Arrogance is a character flaw and a serious one. An arrogant person is one that look down on others and feels is better than others.

There is a very thin line between being confident and being arrogant. And that thin line is called cucky and is VERY thin.

 

[BustedKnucks]

Women love confidence, but arrogance can be offensive. You need to practice to make sure your game is right, and less secure women are less turned on by unreasonably high self-esteem.

The key is lightheartedness. Let it be known you're being humorous, and don't take her ego checks too seriously. If you can laugh off minor insults and keep her amused as she tests your ****iness, you're in.

 

[BustedKnucks]

Here's some good advice. A confident guy can make fun of himself.

An arrogant guy makes fun of others.

 

[The Deacon]

CNF CAN AND WILL GET YOU FRIENDZONED if you don't show any interest! it has happened to me countless times.

This is true... but:

The longer answer is: gotta be careful with emails and IMs and texts because the ****y/funny inflection doesn't transmit well and people pick it up as arrogant and get turned off. As you've just experienced.

This nails the problem on the head. CnF is supposed to be used in very strong moderation. Too ****y, and it screams insecurity. Remember to give some genuine compliments once in a while. And when you smart-mouth someone, make sure it's not on something they're sensitive about: like a girl's weight or her crooked nose. You'll get blown out for that.

If you're only ****y sporadically, you'll be seen as a complete fake. You need to time your CnF so it comes across as congruent.

Arrogance also comes in all shapes and forms. Donald Trump is one arrogant fvck, but he has no problems with the ladies (power's an aphrodisiac). If you got an arrogant homeless person on the street, no lady's gonna want to jump your bones. It's a dynamic thing. CnF in itself doesn't spark the attraction, it's more like the vantage point you're shooting the CnF from.

 

[ready123]

****y arrogant?

it's supposed to be ****y funny. and you left out the funny

 

[ketostix]

This is pretty much what I said in my previous post, and I agree with it. Though what I said about being too forward absolutely still stands, I don't see what you said as being tremendously forward (assuming it wasn't your first message), but more common and AFC (remember, IMO, forward behavior online can come of as a little AFC).

I actually didn't see or read your post until after I posted. We are saying the same thing basically that he came acrossed as too interested/forward moreso than arrogant toward a girl who had very little interest in him to begin with. Had he really came across as arrogant to her, most likely she would have address it and called him arrogant. Wome love doing that.

 

[Kaim Argonar]

Surely at times under certain circumstances, ****yness is hubris and can be a fatal flaw. I can't believe that all girls subconciously wish for the right ****y guy to court them above all else, and that he'd just have to be ****y in the right way without overdoing it. A good chunk of girls must prefer an unassuming lad as long as he is moderately confident and joyous himself.

 

[ready123]

****iness doesn't do sht for you unless it's funny. without the funny, you just come across delusional or like you're overcompensating for insecurities

people discover ****y funny and they don't bother to understand why it works. so all they remember is the ****y part

then they wonder why they get blown out

 

[Crazy Asian]

YES!!! YES!!!! YES!!!!!

being too ****y is a HUGE TURN OFF for most women... also if you fail to show any interest you WILL land in the friend zone. CNF CAN AND WILL GET YOU FRIENDZONED if you don't show any interest! it has happened to me countless times.

ha, u just explained this to me yesterday

and yes i've noticed that girls are really turned off by arrogance, maybe even more so by being overly nice.

U wanna be nice to her, so interest/sexuality, and RARELY drop in something to tease her.

 

[CryingFreeman]

ha, u just explained this to me yesterday

and yes i've noticed that girls are really turned off by arrogance, maybe even more so by being overly nice.

U wanna be nice to her, so interest/sexuality, and RARELY drop in something to tease her.

ur 16...

 

[Crazy Asian]

ur 16...

i don't know how old you are, but you don't have to listen to me.