Can anyone give me some advice for online dating?

[Rex Man]

If you're looking for a long-term, quality relationship via the internet, you can't be on the fence. Go ahead fork over a few bucks for the eharmony website. I have no idea if it works, but they make fantastic commercials.

 

[Zircon916]

I've been on eharmony for quite awhile, it doesn't work any better than others.

 

[sodbuster]

Met 2 online, the others disqualified themselves before it got that far. On match if you don't hide your profile before closing your account, it will stay up. So you will be trying out all the absent women. The Russians and Nigerians will scam you[or try]-some hb 10 wants to meet you, all you need to do is wire money to the travel agent[good luck seeing her or your money]

Women online seem to think they can get the man they deserve[they don't deserve as much as they think]. I had welfare mothers that weigh what I do thinking they could pull me etc.

I need to get one of those 3 free days again so I can hide my profile,but I'll never be back again.

 

[azanon]

Can anyone give me some advice for online dating?

Yeah sure, Zircon! Don't waste time doing it when you could interact in the real world instead? Hey, I don't know where you live but where I do, I can find real live chicks out in the city at most reasonable hours of the night, and certainly during the daytime!

 

[Zircon916]

I hate to say this but in real life I'm an AFC so the odds of me pulling women are worse than online.

 

[#41]

I hate to say this but in real life I'm an AFC so the odds of me pulling women are worse than online.

Then work on that. Because even if you succesfully get a date out of an online program, you'll still eventually have to meet up with this person and game her in order to keep her IL high.

On the whole, I wouldn't do online. I have a couple of friends that tried it - one through eHarmony the other through Match.com. Neither one got anything close to resembling good results. The majority of the women on there are either low quality or single parents looking for someone to help raise their kid. I have another friend who went on craigslist and got some "interesting" responses back to his ad.

I also know two women friends who went on eHarmony, and both are total wrecks.

Maybe there are a couple genuinely good women on the internet looking for guys, but it isn't worth sifting through the tons of coal to find the one or two diamonds, IMO.

 

[Zircon916]

Trust me man I've been trying to work on my game in RL, even have a friend personally helping me with it as a wingman. Horrible results so far.

 

[azanon]

I hate to say this but in real life I'm an AFC so the odds of me pulling women are worse than online.

What #41 said! I am so jealous of any younger guys who are fortunate enough to have found this site with the DJ bible and guidance. But I think its insane to have found it (this site), then to still go out and try to meet women the AFC way anyway!

The scamming approach is just plain sad. You're a scammer in my book if you try to use Online to hide whatever deficiencies you have to sucker a woman into meeting you. You're just going to end up pissing off a woman even more. In the reverse situation, women have no idea how low I think of them that, say, are fat and post 20 pictures of their head on myspace, intentionally covering up their fata$$ self. My though is, if they're so ashamed of themselves, then why the f*** do they think I want to have anything to do with them????

 

[Rounder]

Trust me man I've been trying to work on my game in RL, even have a friend personally helping me with it as a wingman. Horrible results so far.

Being a former AFC myself maybe I can help you out. Do you measure your worth by the woman you have next to you? Do you feel like you're incomplete or not quite worthwhile if you don't have a girlfriend?

You constantly want a girlfriend because you hate feeling alone? You feel like your friends look at you different or as weak because you don't have a girlfriend?

Do any of those apply? I use to feel that way and I've known other guys that would say yes to some of those questions as well.

Women do not define you. YOU define you. When you do that then you'll become more attractive to women. You sound a little desperate.

So get a plan together to be a better you. Improve yourself. When you start there eveything else starts to come together and people will begin to notice it. I will go in to a few things and maybe you do all this or know all this, but a lot of guys don't and it helps if you don't.

Finances - get a plan for the next 2 months, 6 months, year, 2 years and 5 years. Set goals - weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly. Plan ahead - if you do that now, you'll be better off when that time rolls around and IT will roll around eventually, you'll be glad you looked ahead and had a plan in place.

Health - start eating better, cut out all fast food and cut out all soda or coffee. Look into the South Beach Diet - maybe you don't need to lose weight, but the South Beach Diet is actually a way of eating, not necessarily a diet and it will improve your health and you will feel better. Great knowledge for the future. As you eat better and are conscience about what you're eating - lean meats, veggies and fresh fruits - people/women will take notice that you care about yourself and pay attention to what you put into your body. This will display confidence and intelligence. The benefits of this will be with you the rest of your life.

Exercise - at least 20 to 30 minutes everyday - you've got to be active. Give yourself 2 honest months of daily vigorous exercise. Weight lifting 4 days a week (30 to 45 minute sessions) with 3 or 4 cardio sessions (30 minutes) a week will do wonders for your body and mental state. A set of dumbells at home is all that is needed, you don't have to go to a gym.

Hobbies - what are yours? Do you have any? Find something new - start learning a new language, learn about wine, start reading popular books, learning about body language is fun, incredibly useful and it can be a great conversation piece with women. Whatever....just take some time to challenge yourself.

Consider taking some time off from trying to pick up or hit on women. Don't make it a priority. Talk to women when you get the chance, but don't put any effort in to it. Just let it happen. If you're in a social situation, don't focus on the women, be cool, don't laugh at every joke a girl makes just because you want her to think you think she's funny, don't agree with everything she says. Have your own opinions. Don't be afraid of "making a girl mad" by disagreeing with her. She's just one girl.

Give yourself 2 or 3 months to do these things, if you are honest with yourself and challenge yourself and put real effort in to these things, your confidence will grow and before you realize it talking to women and keeping/getting their will be much easier.

 

[Zircon916]

Hey Espi, do you mind emailing me at [email protected]?

 

[Zircon916]

Being a former AFC myself maybe I can help you out. Do you measure your worth by the woman you have next to you? Do you feel like you're incomplete or not quite worthwhile if you don't have a girlfriend?

You constantly want a girlfriend because you hate feeling alone? You feel like your friends look at you different or as weak because you don't have a girlfriend?

Do any of those apply? I use to feel that way and I've known other guys that would say yes to some of those questions as well.

Women do not define you. YOU define you. When you do that then you'll become more attractive to women. You sound a little desperate.

So get a plan together to be a better you. Improve yourself. When you start there eveything else starts to come together and people will begin to notice it. I will go in to a few things and maybe you do all this or know all this, but a lot of guys don't and it helps if you don't.

Not at all. In don't need a girlfriend to validate myself and I have been single for over a year and still have great accomplishments. I measure my self-worth by my success in life, not just by having a girl. With that being said, I still want a girlfriend and I don't necessarily think I'm "weak" or some kind of chump just because I want one.

I'm simply an AFC because I don't have self-confidence and I don't have communication skills when it comes to picking up women. I'm fine with casual conversation but I become awkward/scared when actually trying to show interest.

Finances - get a plan for the next 2 months, 6 months, year, 2 years and 5 years. Set goals - weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly. Plan ahead - if you do that now, you'll be better off when that time rolls around and IT will roll around eventually, you'll be glad you looked ahead and had a plan in place.

I'm have a 100k/year job (serious, not BS as I don't have any reason to lie to strangers), live in a very nice apartment and own 2 homes (investment properties). Trust me finances are the LEAST of my problems.

Health - start eating better, cut out all fast food and cut out all soda or coffee. Look into the South Beach Diet - maybe you don't need to lose weight, but the South Beach Diet is actually a way of eating, not necessarily a diet and it will improve your health and you will feel better. Great knowledge for the future. As you eat better and are conscience about what you're eating - lean meats, veggies and fresh fruits - people/women will take notice that you care about yourself and pay attention to what you put into your body. This will display confidence and intelligence. The benefits of this will be with you the rest of your life.

Exercise - at least 20 to 30 minutes everyday - you've got to be active. Give yourself 2 honest months of daily vigorous exercise. Weight lifting 4 days a week (30 to 45 minute sessions) with 3 or 4 cardio sessions (30 minutes) a week will do wonders for your body and mental state. A set of dumbells at home is all that is needed, you don't have to go to a gym.

I don't know if you seen my other thread but I don't really need to start eating better. I'm already a pretty healthy eater and pretty fit at 5'7 145lb. I'm not ripped with huge muscles but I'm fairly fit. I can rep more than I weigh and max about 190 at my high point. I don't really lift as heavily as I once did so I'm probably weaker now.

Hobbies - what are yours? Do you have any? Find something new - start learning a new language, learn about wine, start reading popular books, learning about body language is fun, incredibly useful and it can be a great conversation piece with women. Whatever....just take some time to challenge yourself.

I'm sure most guys have this problem but most of my hobbies are guy hobbies. I'm not going to start doing random things I'm not even interested in just to pick up chicks
.

Consider taking some time off from trying to pick up or hit on women. Don't make it a priority. Talk to women when you get the chance, but don't put any effort in to it. Just let it happen. If you're in a social situation, don't focus on the women, be cool, don't laugh at every joke a girl makes just because you want her to think you think she's funny, don't agree with everything she says. Have your own opinions. Don't be afraid of "making a girl mad" by disagreeing with her. She's just one girl.

Give yourself 2 or 3 months to do these things, if you are honest with yourself and challenge yourself and put real effort in to these things, your confidence will grow and before you realize it talking to women and keeping/getting their will be much easier.

Like I said ive been single for over a year and honestly I tried this that. Awhile ago for about 2 months I stopped actively trying to pick up women completely. I stopped going to bars on the hunt, canceled all my accounts on dating sites, did nothing but work on my hobbies/work out (where I reached my high point in lifting)/hung out with close friends. It was honestly the loneliness period in my life and I will never do that again. I don't know why people say things like "you will find a gf when you're not looking for it" because that is the biggest BS ever. When you aren't looking for a gf you sure as hell won't find one.

 

[Rounder]

If you're doing that well for yourself you need to take life by the balls and just get after it. You sound like you have a lot of great things going for you, realize how much better off you are than most people and get some confidence.

Your posts sound like you doubt yourself and aren't sure of who you are.

And I really understand about having "guy hobbies" - I love fishing, camping, kayaking, etc and not all women will even tolerate those things.

Good luck to you - you just need to put yourself out there and not worry about the outcomes. Who cares if one girl isn't interested, another will come along who is.

 

[Rounder]

I'm not going to start doing random things I'm not even interested in just to pick up chicks

Btw - I completely agree with this - you have to be true to yourself and not someone you aren't. If you go out of the way to be interested in things YOU aren't really interested in, it will show through eventually. However, learning about some subjects that you have SOME interest in is still worthwhile.

I mentioned body language - I loved learning about body language, so much of our communication is non-verbal and it's fun to people watch with that knowledge in hand. You can see what is going on without hearing the conversation.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Further constructive criticism of online dating...

The problem with match.com is that you have to pay some subscription fee to find out if it works or not. I paid $ 5.00 per month on a special deal (with it extended for a year) and still had no luck on it and even with Epsi's advice would find it very hard to part with any money on that site.

When you meet people face to face, you know they are likely local. If you connect with someone online, then they can be across the city or across town. You'll be desperate enough to travel the distance if you don't have the balls to approach and connect with local girls - because that's what happens to me. People travel sometimes hours to meet a girl they connected with online -- but these same people cant approach a girl in a mall five minutes away who may also be available.

Another thing Epsi says is selecting 50 attractive women from online. That sounds like playing a numbers game if you have to go after so many. Suppose you live in a small town, or even in a big city, chances are some of those girls are going to be living FAR away. You see, no matter what simple message you write, chances are someone will respond back, as long as you don't deviate from a 'normal cool guy' in correspondence, someone will respond back porportional to the photo shot.

But I would think that being successful would not be defined as just getting a response or getting dates with some girls out of 50 -- but it would be picking up anyone you really want to see and persuading her to respond back to you with an above 70% success rate. I would like to see someone on here, including Epsi, that can say they can pick up, 3 times out of 4, a girl online they are really interested in and show how they do it. 50 women on a favorite's list doesn't sound like he's being very selective of who he wants to meet and is just putting down a big fishing net.

I've tried out the online dating thing extensively -- I've got professional photo re-touch ups with 'lookbetteronline.com' and ended up asking for a refund because I was pissed off with the results online. I also took 'net2bed-net2wed-' online course which also didn't work for me at all and asked for a 100% money back guarantee. I have yet to see any system or program that will really work to get results in this area, and even if it did, would it be worth it? At the end of the day you are just looking for the right girl - there are many wrong ones out there that are low quality and not worth your time.

 

[Zircon916]

Anybody else care to offer me some help?

 

[Zappati]

Espi....dude, you seem like a guy who has their s**t together ( not sayin no 1 else here does..no disrespect) but, I relate more to what you say, then the other posters here.

Id like to ask you this.....If you, yourself, didnt partake in "chasing" i.e, you making all the first moves etc, how well do you think you would do in the "women dept", if you just sat back & waited for them to come 2 you?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Anybody else care to offer me some help?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=137023

The search function is your friend. There is more than enough threads out there pertaining to successful online sarging.