Can anyone explain this?

[DJHoolahoop]

Hey all,

ok I don't get it. Whenever I talk with people, they'll only respond to questions about them or if I ask them something. If I don't say anything then they don't say anything to me. Both men and women do this to me.

Anyone understand what's going on and why it seems that it doesn't matter what I say or talk abou. That the conversation dies when I stop saying stuff. Why don't they talk? I assume they don't wait for everyone to talk to them, i'm sure they're having chats with other people.

I just don't get it.

 

[Donald Kaufman]

I don't know why this is happening to you, but ...

If one pushes too hard, too early others will sense desperation.

Open ended questions are also a good idea.

Timing and place are very important.

Being comfortable in your own skin makes everything smoother.

Don't expect anything from any particular interaction. Throw something out and if nothing happens throw it out somewhere else.

Pick targets that look friendly.

If you are having problems in this area be as congruent as possible. Make sure your style, and poise, and the place you are and the way you speak all match. Once you are comfortable it's often better to mix them up but if you are running into problems this can make a difference.

 

[cave dweller]

questions.......

hey,

Don't talk about yourself or things you enjoy or what you are doing ask them questions about themselves. (people love to talk about their life and the things they are doing)

ie:

Don't state--'The band is really good.'

But ask,

'What do you think of the band.'

People will talk to you for hours about themselves.......Try it.

cave dweller

 

[Albion4]

When you first walk into a place spend a few minutes just looking around at the decore. I guarantee you'll find something to talk about, I always do.

-Al

 

[Dapper Swindler]

The reason is because they're shy AFCs and are not ambitious and motivated to meet new people like you. Sometimes people like that are really happy that you're talking to them, even though they don't show it. But if you're game gets better, you can get them top open up to you faster.

 

[stalluproar]

This used to happen to me years ago. If I talked to someone they would disengage shortly after. I realized I was not comfortable in my own skin, felt like talking to them was like throwing a hail mary, I basically handed my power over to the other person. My advise is to relax, don't care what they think, and don't force things.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Cave Dweller has it right on.

PEOPLE LOVE TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES.

I remember a story when I...
I remember when I...
When I was younger...

blah blah blah...

But, you need to be perceptive in the eyes of a woman. You need to make yourself stand out from the guys who are just staring at her breasts and not actually LISTENING to what she is saying.

When you LISTEN...then REMEMBER...she'll think higher of you guaranteed. You'll make her feel connected with you. If you have to write down her favorite color, where she went to college, or the fact she has a jack russel named daisy - write it down, then recall it in your next interaction with her.

On your second date a week later:

"I was walking down the street and this lady was walking a brown jack russel. What color is Daisy?"

"So I was talking to a buddy who dormed at NYU where you did your Biology degree...what hall did you stay at?"

She'll melt to the fact that you'd remember these things about her. Its all about connections...and for you to remember these details about her, she'll feel that you actually care about her rather than just want to get in her pants.

Some advice...ACTUALLY care!

 

[Life-Trainee]

I get that a lot. I get bored quickly talking to people that i don't know well. Especially when they're passive to me. I absolutely always HAVE to be the iterrogator. It's like squeezing a lemon, the harder I push the more sour taste i'm getting. Much of my female approaches are like that too. If I don't get any interesting responses I just get bored and move on.