You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Perhaps that particular prohibition is a wise precaution to protect the psychiatrists from those charming Cluster B's. :crackup:Lexington said:
If you're a psychiatrist and get duped into dating a "Cluster B", it doesn't say much for your professional aptitude, does it?jophil28 said:
True enough, but most psych's ( military) that I ever met were total AFCs and chumps extraordinairre.squirrels said:If you're a psychiatrist and get duped into dating a "Cluster B", it doesn't say much for your professional aptitude, does it?
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
For me it is:Big Nuts said:
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
The thing that people don't realize is that there are all kinds of Betas. Some of the most Beta people I know have "high status" positions. General Patraeus was the head of the CIA and he was undone by some piece of tail he was chasing.Scormus said:
-----------------------LucyK said:
LucyK said:I am currently seeing a brilliant psychiatrist in his residency year who will be moving to the West Coast for fellowship in ten weeks. I may be moving to the West Coast in 6 months.
So I get that some patients think their providers are interested in them when they are just giving expected care, but I am a woman in her late twenties and have dated famous men before, so it is reasonable for me to assume I am attractive with a decent personality. I don't believe what I feel is transference, because the first time I saw him (attractive), I knew I could fall for this guy. I've flirted with him, and in subtle ways he has flirted back. He has a lot to lose, so I don't know where this is going to go, if anywhere. He knows I'm interested, but because he is a psychiatrist, I think the rules go that no matter what, no relationship is allowed between patient and provider. I could "fire" him, but I don't know if that will still allow me to date him. I am at loss as to what to do, for there is no man that interests me but him.
I would love any advice that I could get here. Thanks so much.
I guess my question is, is it possible to date him without trouble. I read the rules are more lax if the physician is not a psychiatrist, and I've also read that it is okay to date your psychiatrist if you are no longer under his care and if it's been x years passed, etc. I've also read it's not okay at all. So I've read all sorts of things. Can you, as a healthcare provider, tell me if these things are valid?Colossus said:
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.