Can a ***** be in a long term relationship?

[rob38]

First of all I would like to say that I used the word ***** for attention purposes although she would definetly qualify as one I guess... HAHA

Please give me honest answers preferably if anyone has had similar experiences.

So I have been with this girl for a year.... She definetly loves me... and I love her... but here is my concern.

When we first met we had the typical great relationship... She was very happy and was always telling me how she felt safe with me and loved waking up in my arms etc. We had sex a decent amount 2 or 3 times a week and we talked and texted all the time etc.

a couple of months into the relationship things changed and although I really truly believe she still loves me I started to see that she may have life long conditioning that might make a long term relationship difficult for her.

basically from what I have gathered from her past is that she has never really had any truly long term loving relationships. She seemed to have basically pursued unavailable guys. She has been with over 20 guys and I would say only 5 or so she would explain as a real relationship, but even those when she described them to me they werent really interested in a long term relationship with her.

So now I am feeling pretty scorned I guess you could say because I love her completly.... she could care less about sex with me. I almost feel like I am begging for intamacy. but I say to myself " WTF she banged over 20 dudes trying to get attention and affection and now that she has it she doesnt care about it.
I know this sounds stupid but I feel like I am the one that deserves the sex, because I care about her. I just dont think she knows or values what she truly has.

what do you think?

 

[rob38]

I am starting to feel like it might not happen.... She is a good person but something is just wrong.... I dont feel like she wants to cheat or anything, I just think that she was seeking a real loving relationship and now that she has one.... it isnt enough. kinda like a drug, once you get that initial high you can never get it again. I just looked up HPD..... Holy Sh1t it really was pretty accurate....

 

[rob38]

No, absolutely not. Attention wh0res/HPDs cannot be monogamous. They need new sources of validation constantly.

Why new sources? wouldn't I be the answer the the problem? WTF, I know she loves me but I can see she is most likely confused.

It does seem like as soon as she knew she had me, her efforts to give in the relationship went on the back burner and at this point she is spoiled. She does give to me as far as support is concerned but trying to please me or make me happy is just not there. She says she wants "simple"

 

[Purefilth]

Because once she has you, she's 'bored now...NEXT!'

its like a kitten with a ball of string.

you tease(with your affection)
kitten plays and fights for the string
you give it up completely
kitten has the string now, its bored and doesnt want to play with it anymore.

^^^this is how it works over and over and over^^^
Guys do it to girls, girls do it to guys.

A lot of my relationships have ended because I get bored/ theres no play there/ they say they love me.

Welcome to my world. Hold on to your ball of string.

 

[Deep Dish]

The 40+ (for safe measure) unavailable uncaring non-chalant guys who humped and dumped her were alpha males. Alpha is exciting, beta is pedesterian. Because of hypergamy, women can never happily go backwards in lifestyle standards once in the standard is set. When women reach a certain stage of life, beginning in their late twenties, they switch their mating schedule from preferring alphas to beta providers. This presents a conflict with hypergamy because it means lowering the standard, so women try to convince themselves a boring nice guy is who they really wanted all along. She wants herself to love you, but the fun exciting alphas are polaroid pictures etched in her memory.

 

[sylvester the cat]

No, absolutely not. Attention wh0res/HPDs cannot be monogamous. They need new sources of validation constantly.

Doesn't this go for PUA's? I mean what's good for the goose ought to be good for the gander, no?

 

[rob38]

It makes sense in allot of ways.... it's confusing though! she texts me every morning when she wakes up and call me on her way to work. I have met all her family and go to events and such. It seems like she loves me for certain things but probably is out of her comfort zone and is scared to move forward.

the strangest thing is that she has cried twice now after we had sex... I ask what the hell and she just said I didnt want to have sex. by no means did I force myself on her. WTF

she says that she doenst care about sex. Then I say than why would you seek it out your whole life. she said to get a relationship...... I said you got one.
This sucks....its been a year and care about her!

 

[DPistol]

You might want to start spinning plates and looking out for other options. ASAP. This looks like its getting closer to the end of the road. My last girl did the exact same thing as yours. Called me every morning, called me whenever she goes home from drinking, saying I love constantly, always texting, etc etc. Slowly little subtle red flags started to become more apparent. It really hit me when I finally realize she had BPD. After we broke up, she already jumped on another **** in less than a 3 weeks.

There's nothing you can really do at this point. Shes already bored and probably found another guy that will provide that new "high" until she goes on to the next one.

Don't ever forget. You can't turn a hoe into a housewife.

 

[backseatjuan]

We had sex a decent amount 2 or 3 times a week and we talked and texted all the time etc.

That's not even half decent. Decent is when you have sex every day. Better is when you have sex evening and morning. Great if you have sex in the afternoon too.

I'm not getting enough sex

Dude, she's not giving you enough sex. Tell her that upfront, say you're not getting enough sex, if she wants to stay with you want sex evening, morning, and afternoon, all kinds of sex, vaginal, anal, blow jobs, sex in public, etc.

If you want LTR then you two should move in together. I moved in with my LTR the very first night I met her, been since for close to a year this December 22.

 

[rob38]

So I guess the question now is, how to deal with a girl with HPD? I might as well make the best of it!

 

[Greasy Pig]

She really just isn't interested in sex....with you.
Sure, she likes you, maybe even loves you, but you don't make her wet anymore. The end is nigh, my friend.
Sure sex often drops off as a relationship ages, but her telling you she's not interested in sex is pretty fvcked up.
I'd seriously start planning an exit strategy.
No sex = no relationship.
And forget demanding more sex. Sure, talk about it but I hate the thought of negotiating intimacy. If she's only going to fvck out of obligation, then I want no part of it.

 

[DonGorgon]

yeah and they will lie and cheat like most humans do...

 

[rob38]

She really just isn't interested in sex....with you.
Sure, she likes you, maybe even loves you, but you don't make her wet anymore. The end is nigh, my friend.
Sure sex often drops off as a relationship ages, but her telling you she's not interested in sex is pretty fvcked up.
I'd seriously start planning an exit strategy.
No sex = no relationship.
And forget demanding more sex. Sure, talk about it but I hate the thought of negotiating intimacy. If she's only going to fvck out of obligation, then I want no part of it.

I aggree.... I felt pretty scorned for awhile because she would tell me how she doesnt care about sex.... Then why have you banged 20 dudes if you didnt care! My guess is that sex has simply been a tool for her. I felt like if anyone deserved sex from her it should be the dude who cares about her but the sad fact is once she knew she had me the sex stopped! I even went as far as telling her I understand that many woman have low sex drives and I would be willing to work with her..... but begging for sex is F#$%^% humiliating!

 

[sylvester the cat]

let us see this from the other side of the fence so to speak.

i was in a long term relationship with a woman who towards the end repulsed me with her needy and insecure behaviour. i loved her, but not in a sexual way anymore. i pitied her more than anything.

i had tried to leave her only for her to run continuous guilt trips and even suicide threats.

we stopped having sex because she did not make me wet. i just did not fancy her any more. full stop. i used the same excuse about not caring about sex although i was banging it out over pichunter or redtube every other day when she wasn't around. it was all i could say short of saying 'you just don't turn me on' which i thought would be too much for someone who'd already threatened to slit their wrists.

of course now i wouldn't think twice about leaving someone if it wasnt going well but you learn from your mistakes i guess.

 

[rob38]

let us see this from the other side of the fence so to speak.

i was in a long term relationship with a woman who towards the end repulsed me with her needy and insecure behaviour. i loved her, but not in a sexual way anymore. i pitied her more than anything.

i had tried to leave her only for her to run continuous guilt trips and even suicide threats.

we stopped having sex because she did not make me wet. i just did not fancy her any more. full stop. i used the same excuse about not caring about sex although i was banging it out over pichunter or redtube every other day when she wasn't around. it was all i could say short of saying 'you just don't turn me on' which i thought would be too much for someone who'd already threatened to slit their wrists.

of course now i wouldn't think twice about leaving someone if it wasnt going well but you learn from your mistakes i guess.

sad but true!

 

[rob38]

yes, I pretty much have a full blown relationship but with sex twice a month.