came back from date. did i do good?

[Tails]

just got back from a date with a girl i've known online for a while. we finally met. she called at 8:30pm, asked if i was ready. blah blah... picked her up... she was talkative, open. we talked on the way to the cinema. overall, we got along fine. we talked alot and she laughed at my jokes.

now here's the things that happened during the movie. (maybe we shouldn't of seen a movie first date. but we got to know each other online a bit.)

during the movie, i asked her to touch my hand to show her how cold it was. she did... few moments later i asked if her hand was warm and she let me touch... i grabbed her hand and said: "ooo, can i borrow it?" so we held hands for a few moments... i said: "this ain't working out, maybe i should try this."

i put my arm around her shoulder but she didn't seem to react to it well. she smiled and laughed. but she wasn't getting herself comfortable and made no effort to help me out. she even asked me why didn't i just use my jacket instead but i was being AFC and said nah i dont want my jacket, and i removed my hand and let her be. my third move was after the movie walking towards the bus station (this was 11:30pm or something mind you) it was pretty cold... she said she was cold so i put my arm around her and rubbed her back to help her warm up. again, she didn't respond too well and said: "haha, that won't help." blah blah, so i took my arm away. it didn't scare her, she just didn't want me to touch her that way i guess. although there is this one thing that bothers me.

i think she's using me to get over her last relationship with a guy she apparently hates now, he was with her and they had sex, but he had a girlfriend at the same time. the girl that was with me found out and got really pissed off and probably jealous cause she showed sent the picture of his girlfriend and said: "this is what he ditched me for."

yeah, she's jealous alright, cause all girls hate when guys go for other girls rather than themselves. anyway, she talked about him about three or four times the whole night. in the car on the way to the cinema (my friend was driving us there and dropped us off)
maybe once in the cinema before the movie started, and after on the way to the bus station... she was saying that he was such a kunt and a fukhead (she was pissed) and she also said: "he thinks he's so cool and hot. he's a try hard. he said he wanted to be with me before he met his gf. he's a fukhead." etc etc. she whined about it to me? so i said, again. "yeah well it was a mistake, let's forget about that now eh?"

not so long ago i had a bit of an arguement online about that, cause she wouldn't stop talking to me about him so i said: "listen, i'm not one of your girlfriends okay, i don't care about this guy. so if you wanna talk about him, find someone else to talk to."
that shut her up. was about a month ago.

finally when her bus came, i said:

me: you gonna be okay?
her: yeah... i had a good time, thanks for taking me out.
me: yeah sure, we should do it again sometime. i might call you later this week.

*she smiled*

her: yeah okay
me: see ya!
her: bye!

she hops on bus and that was it. oh and i just checked, she's online mIRC right now, so i logged on my real nick and usually she joins the room im in and msg's me straight away. she didn't. i stayed on for about 3 minutes and quit. should i message her or just leave her alone and let her call me if she's interested?

do you guys think i'm being used here? i think she's with me to get over this guy. i don't like that. am i wasting my time?

i got my good friend (a girl) to go in the room and ask where i was to see what she'd say about me and this happened:

my friend: has anyone seen Tails?!
her: Tails?
her: hahahah
her: yeh i have
my friend: oh yeh
my friend: where is he?
her: i dunno if hes online
her: i went to see a movie earlier tho
my friend: with tails?
her: yes
my friend: oh yeh. and how'd it go?
her: we saw a movie haha
her: it was ok. lol.
her: like ppl do
my friend: oh yeh
her: haha yes
her: do u think sumthing funny is going on? :/
my friend: he's such a qt huh?
her: hahaha i dunno
my friend: haha, well i think he is!
her: haha ok. ur welcome to him

i'd really appreciate for some opinions, thanks guys.

 

[dig it]

Tails, think about this. If she is not up for the kino too well, then she is not interested in being intimate with you. think about that as you read.

thats my first red flag straight up. it may not be the end of the world if you like this girl. in fact, dont say you like her, say you would not mind going out with her.

if she is talking about ex's, then mate, from experience, she is still having lots of thoughts running around in her mind about her ex's....thoughts about actions that probably have scarred her emotionlly.

an example of mine, i took a girl out who was like this, except this girl was 10 times worse...she brought up every scar that a girl has recently done to her (about 5), and whats worse, while we were out we saw one of them...and she wanted to look where he was going too (looked like he was heading into a club)...and she goes to my objections "no no no please, i really need this...i gotta have this"

now, i wasnt being used, because i took her home later on and had sex with her (after i bought her a few drinks, which i made her wait for...when she asked i said i am not ready for another one, in about 5 if thats ok with you alright)....so yeh....look at that man.

the girl only brought up this topic with you because of a couple of things 1. she really needs to talk about it = she is cut up majorly and needs to get help
2. she had previously spoken to you about it before and thought she could just speak about it to you again.

now, man, both situations are wrong for you.

i think i told you along with some other once about this situation when you posted before. i think it was me who told you 'i am not a girlfriend, etc etc"

that went down well with my experience too, and it works, it makes her see whats what.

but did you slide and talk to her about it after that? maybe she thought it would be ok. especially if you let her again.

what you said suggests that you didnt go over it too much. thats good.

u want to know if she is interested in you?

the kino thing man, you touched her 3 times and didnt get too much favourable reaction.

ok. probably one of two things 1. u did it wrong/were not confident or comfortable enough or 2. she was not interested in you like that first up/on the night/if ever.

i say number two like that because, how can she be fully interested in you, if her mind is off and wondering about some stupid (to us guys) thing that happened a while back....the reason...its still on her mind, still cutting deep, and she is getting NO EMOTIONAL CLOSURE about it.

which means....ha ha 1 of 2 things....1. she has stupid idiot friends who dont know how to support a mate properly or 2. she gets her kicks by feeling bad and laying ALL her problems on you and other guys.

so how to solve it.

well either you or someone else has got to give her closure on these things....about me, man i tried to give this girl i was seeing once closure about these things....in the end i tried too much, so i ditched her, and she was really happy with it, forget the incredible sex, forget the 30 bucks+ in drinks, forget all the rest in time together....she couldn't really care....because she was not mine..

except the dif with me is i knew she wasn't mine and couldnt be until she got over the past. and i didn't want to work with half a girl.

neither do you. it wont work.

and she needs to see this.

how to put it to her, and should you even put it to her.

she has to get closure somehow. i dont know the exact situation....

but guess what, its gunna have to come from you or her friends. if you know her friends tell them what will happen with you and all the future guys she sees. that she will end up with no one being like she is

if you have to tell her, do it, politely, but see, you dont want to have to tell her.

if you REALLY like her (she must be an empty case almost) but she was laughing and smiling right, thats good. she seems to want to try.

next time she brings it up, stay true to your reality and self...say'are you still thinking about what that loser did to you?' or 'whats the idiot done now, i thought that was all over and done with...you dont need loser jerks like him/they are not worth knowing about.

then easily change the subject when you can....seems you'll have to hold her hand AND put up with her until she can get the picture - dont talk to you about it if you want to have some fun.

thing is, she may not want to have some fun with you. it could be in the present or forever. you could be being used.

if you get close enough to her personally, you can always show her a good time, then leave her alone if she continues like she is and when she asks next what have you been doing all this time ( a couple of weeks) tell her basically that you mean no offence, but all your talk about ex's was getting you down, and you were waiting for her to be more happier about things'

something like that, you know it better than me.

but yeh, if you must sort it out, sort it out, but dont get tangled.....because you dont want you to be involved with all those negative feelings...unless AND ONLY UNLESS it can make you look like a better person...because usually it will mke you look like a WORSE person for doing so if you dont say things write....

others might have a better insight than me, but from my experience thats the jist.

dont let it phase you or anything...dont become frustrated as she is probably hurt. you gotta be strong, indifferent, then show her a good time.

thats is if she is not using you, but at the moment doesnt seem like she could tell if she is or isnt, just that she;s got some issues and if you like her stick around and wait and see while doing what i siad.

sometimes its ok to go a little deeper into it, act as if you are interested, like saying "well so what is it about such and such a thing that made you feel/what is it that made him do that, sounds like a moron to me." stuff like that.

 

[dig it]

once i give it a second think

i dont think she cares. if she can say you're welcome to him and leave it at that, even with her tongue sticking out, then thats not a good sign.

man, dont chase her.

 

[dig it]

third thoughts, as i am going over some behaviors of these types of girls in my head

mate, she is a tramp. she is probably using you because she has no feelings for you.

it doesnt really matter i suppose why. but she has no feelings for you. either she cant or she is just out for a kick to her ego.

thats what this is man. and she is online.

never talk to this girl online again. only on the phone or in person.

start there.

second thing...try and steer clear for a while, dont crowd her.

third thing is say you dont want to talk about bad things, as negative things are a waste of your time if she bring up the ex's. she'd better want to have some fun, cos life is fun.

but then again, i wouldnt be talking to her at all if i could help it, or starting any convo's with her.

stuff her. u dont need that cr@p.

i know it looks like i am trying to help you out then say its not worth it....thats true, and really its your decision....if you follow one path, you will get something totally different to what you would if you followed the other.

but me, i would be looking for a new girl. I dont waste my time

 

[dig it]

And final thought.

is basically how the hell can you tell?

never talk online again, as you probably only have this problem because you read what she said online.

sounds a bit slapstick to me, maybe she suspected something, or maybe she was just mucking around.

she may be joking that she is sure of herself getting you( thus placing her as the protagonist which takes the shine off it anyway, cos thats bad thinking for her to have).

its all going down man, like the titanic. so it could mean anything. what will decide it is how you act.

your choice. 4 posts, it better be a good one

good luck

 

[Tails]

dig it,

i thank you very much for all your posts there. it made me think alot. i'm like yourself, i don't like to waste so much time on one girl. i can find others. others who are willing to put in the effort to get with me. in the past i've had plenty girls who would even do all the work. i'd rather be with a girl like that than a girl like this. i have some more news to tell you... do you have msn bro?

add me: [email protected]

yes, that's right, beckinsale. cause she's so damn fine!

 

[Dirtheart]

"listen, i'm not one of your girlfriends okay, i don't care about this guy. so if you wanna talk about him, find someone else to talk to."

I think this was the best thing you did all night. You stood up for yourself instead of trying to be the sympathetic friend.

But she's probably on the rebound and it was bad timing. Don't take it personally, but don't waste any more time on her and don't call her. If she is interested, she'll think it over and get back to you. If not, you've still got your dignity and a million opportunities ahead of you.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

move on bro
next time you meet another chick who wants to talk about her ex's, you put her on one bus and you get on the next one

 

[Tails]

good idea. i'm going to leave her alone. don't need this sh!t

but i'm afraid that if she calls me again and asks if i wanna go out again, i'll probably say yes. then again, if she wants to use me to get over this guy, i'll really hate the feeling of that. thinking of telling her straight out that it's not going to work out.

infact. i hope she doesn't call me.

thanks alot guys, i'm off to masturbate now!

 

[Dirtheart]

If she calls you there's no reason to put her off. It might be that she needed time to evaluate things. But if she suggests going out on Friday, tell her you have plans, but you can meet on Monday. If she's interested in seeing you, she'll do so on your terms.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

you taking her picture with ya?

 

[Austin Allegro]

Rejection of kino is a very bad sign in my experience. I've had kino with girls who have STILL gone on to blow me out, so if she doesn't like it in the first place, it's not good.

 

[cactus3178]

"her: haha ok. ur welcome to him "

'Nuff said right there. Next.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I don't neccesarily think she's not interested. But you definitely tried to put too many moves on her for a first get together. You shouldn't feel pressure to make a move, it should be natural and feel right. I usually NEVER ever make a move on the 1st date, unless she's just being that obivious. Even if I know I can, it throws the girl off and keeps their interest high.

The fact that she's making you her emotional tampon is NOT GOOD though. And c'mon bro, how obivious is it that you had your chick friend go online to talk to her. That's weak!!! Try to go out again. If she's not warming up to you at all, then NEXT!!!



PIMP

 

[cactus3178]

^

That's good advice. Lately, I've not been putting up with female bvll****.....personally though, if she said that to my friend about me, I'd be moving on.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

For all the obvious reasons listed above do not call her!

Don't chat to women online who talk to you about their ex b'f! Only chat with them to introduce yourself and give them just enough info about you to gat them interested to meeting you in person.

Avoid chatting with women as their 'friends' do - only pursue them romantically.!

 

[backbreaker]

STOP!!!!! BEFORE YOU MAKE A HUGE MISTAKE!!!


I tell people time and time again to not next a girl so quickly, when half the time it's something that WE didn't do right that can be easily corrected. This is a textbook example.

You actually handled yourself pretty well in the date, but the real and really only true mistake you made, was taking her to the movies on a first date.

That is a true no no. First, this is her first time seeing you.

Woman are different from men. Women are natrually afraid of men, and they have a right to be, with all of the rape and killings going on today. The first thing you have to do is show her that you are not a threat. You don't do this by taking her to a movie and trying to end it with a makeout session. You do it by taking her somewhere relaxing in an enviroment that she or both of you enjoy. My favorate is the bookstore, because if she is late or doesn't show up, I can get some work done

While you are on that all important first date, you have to warm her to thinking about you in a sexual manner, it just doesn't "happen". You have to get her thinking of you in a sexual manner. It's really not that hard, but it's imposssible if you are in a movie.

Dont' next this girl for something you did.

Just start from scratch. Tell her that you enjoyed yourself and you would like to meet her at a coffeshop or an ice cream parlor. Keep it under 1 hour, you dont' want to stand around all day. After that date, depending on her reactions, THEN you can decide if she is worth it or not.