Calling to confirm a date

[mahon83050]

I have a date tomorrow night which I made on Wednesday. My sister was in disbelief that I did not call to confirm. She said my actions were rude and not proper dating etiquette. What do you think? I thought it was taught on here that calling to confirm was AFC and a "nice guy" stunt.

 

[Mav]

Originally posted by mahon83050
I have a date tomorrow night which I made on Wednesday. My sister was in disbelief that I did not call to confirm. She said my actions were rude and not proper dating etiquette. What do you think? I thought it was taught on here that calling to confirm was AFC and a "nice guy" stunt.

Don't call, it's utterly AFC (the very fact your sister expects you to do it should point to the fact too many other guys do the same thing).

"Hello, this is NiceGuy, I just wanted to check you were still ok with me taking you out, you know incase you want to backout or something".

Urghh.

I wouldn't be surprised if a detailed statistical analysis of this subject showed that more girls who are "called to confirm" flake than those who aren't. I know that sometimes when I have a date lined up for the evening or next day I'm sometimes thinking "damn, I'm seeing X tonight and I'm not sure I can be bothered". Usually due to a tough day at work/friends are up to something fun/etc, and if the girl phoned and gave me an avenue out there's a chance I'd take it!

The only time I'd call to confirm would be if we'd made the date way in advance (5+ days), and then I'd frame it in a "what time did we say again?" rather than "are you still ok to meet up?" type of way.

Mav

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

NEVER call to confirm. This isn't about ettiquette, this is about logic. There is no logical reason to need to "confirm" a date. Why? Because it's already BEEN confirmed.

Watch:

YOU: I was thinking you and I should hit the comedy club Thursday night, then maybe grab a drink.

HER: Okay.

There! It's been confirmed. Her "okay" is the confirmation. No action needs to be taken except to cancel. Think about it. If your friend asks you if you want to go to a sports bar and watch the Eagles beat the everlasting piss out of the Packers, and you say "okay", would you get all pissed off if your friend didn't "call to confirm"? F*ck no. It's already been confirmed.

Calling to confirm serves one purpose: It serves as an escape hatch for girls who may be having second thoughts, but don't want to cancel on their own power.

 

[becker]

I have to disagree with this, but with exception. I think that there is no problem with confirming a date, and if the girl is looking for an "escape hatch", even better for you to confirm, because then you don't have to waste your time on a date with her since she's not interested.

I really have never heard of a girl or a human being for that matter who thinks "oh, as long as this guy doesn't call me before our date, I'll still go out with him, but if he calls me, I'm outta there." Come on now, that's absurd. If a girl is interested in you, you can confirm as many times as you want, and you may not even have to because it will be obvious that she won't cancel.

Can't you guys see that if she was just holding back and being nice to you by agreeing to go out with you, it's in your best interest to flush out the truth, and if she's not interested but was leading you on, then NEXT!

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

You misunderstand, becker. If the girl wants out, then yes, it's in your best interest for her to back out one way or the other.

But especially leading up to first dates, there's a lot of anxiety, and we often try to relieve anxiety by removing the cause of it (in this case, by cancelling the date). Most girls won't just call you up especially to cancel a date, but if you call her up to confirm, you're essentially saying, "Are you sure you want to go out with me?" And you might get a cancellation you wouldn't otherwise have gotten.

Once again, there is no reason to confirm something that's already been confirmed; it makes you look unsure of yourself. If someone asks you to do something, and you agree, and then they later ask, "Are you sure?", the first thing most people do is wonder if maybe there isn't a reason they SHOULDN'T cancel.

Look, you put yourself on the line and risked rejection when you asked for the date. She said yes. Why ask again? That's a bet you can't win.

Think of it this way... would you play against me in a game of poker where I tell you to put $100 down... and if you win the hand, I'll give you your money back, but if you lose, I get your money? That's basically what you're doing when you call to confirm.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Giovanni and becker make good points -- I would call an hour or so beforehand to tell her i'm picking her up and be ready -- i think this a happpy medium - plus men don't like wasting their time! Confirm in the positive - i'll be there in a hour!

Giovanni --- packers are going to embarass the eagles -- yeah you are from michigan -- i should have guess -- jealousy of your neighbors!

 

[Mav]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
But especially leading up to first dates, there's a lot of anxiety, and we often try to relieve anxiety by removing the cause of it (in this case, by cancelling the date). Most girls won't just call you up especially to cancel a date, but if you call her up to confirm, you're essentially saying, "Are you sure you want to go out with me?" And you might get a cancellation you wouldn't otherwise have gotten.

Exactly!

Mav