Calling out a FLAKE

[Ender123]

Background:
Met this girl about a month ago, she was VERY interested then, she's been busy EVERY weekend since then (and it's legit too, I know this 100% for sure), we text back and forth, she always replies to texts and asks me questions about myself while I was playing it kinda cool (not acting too needy, not sending tons of texts, etc, so it seems like she has a relatively high interest in me). I set a date with her last thurs, which she agreed to and sound really exicted about, then the day before says she cant go at that time b/c now shes leaving a day early with her friends to go to the trip she had planned (all legit, i can see her facebook) and asked if we could go earlier or on sunday. We agree to sunday then on sunday she says she wont be back till sun night or monday morning and "she'll let me know when she's back." Well it's Tues now and no response.

This is frusrating to me. I just want to know if we are going to see each other again OR if she just has no interest in me so I can just forget about her. Either one is fine although I'd rather see her again obviously, I just want an answer lol.

So I was planning on talking her tmrw and either saying:

1- "hey, looks like this is one of those things that may not work out. I'm willing to give it a shot though. What do you think?"

OR

Just asking her to go out again on Thursday (like last week) and seeing what she says to that

btw - this weekend is easter sunday and shes going back home to see her family. So thats like 4 or 5 weekends in a row where she already had plans in advance of me meeting her (all legit too).

 

[Soyoushave]

you should text her as if it looks like she already texted you. what I mean is:

"yeah, you're right, we should go out on <...>"

 

[WhtRbt]

disappear until she calls you, no contact

 

[Ender123]

soyoushave- duno man, that seems kinda weird

whtrbt - what youre saying is probably a good move... but it's just that it's been 5 weeks without seeing her... I kinda want a yes or no answer from her so I can move on (I'm thinking about this girl wayyy too much and it sucks). The longer the wait, it just means I'll have more time that I'll be thinking about her. If she says yes/no I can quit that. Know what I mean?

 

[PokerStar]

move on. if she calls ignore it. next!

why?

5 weeks without seeing you? not even a quick coffee date?

I hate to say it but NEXT IT!

 

[Tazman]

It will do you no good to contact her, unless you want to look desperate. She knows you like her, there's no need to make her think you've been waiting around for her all this time.

If she wants anything to do with you she'll contact you, do not call her. If you don't hear anything, THAT's your answer. Pretending like you're returning a text from her that you never got is going to make you look like a loser and hurt your image even more.

Think about it like this. If she really wants to be with you, then you'd be on her mind and she'd be anxious to get a hold of you, that hasn't happened.

 

[Ender123]

poker= well i only asked her out last thurs (ive been very busy lately + out of town and shes been out of town every weekend too, all legit)

I'm thinking I didn't show that much interest in her, more of a casual vibe throughout our whole interaction (I didn't ask for her number, she gave it to me) and the "date" for thurs was a casual (i'm going to shop for my friend, come with) and no big deal type thing. I'm ready to just put all my cards on the table and be done with this **** rather than let it float in the wind.


taz-
ugh you and whtrbt are right in that if she's interested she could contact me... thing is she's going out of town again on thurs-sun (legit) and me having to wait to see if this **** is going to happen or not is ****ing frustrating.

I'm really leaning toward sending this tomorrow (wed)
"hey, looks like this is one of those things that may not work out. I'm willing to give it a shot though. What do you think?"

 

[PokerStar]

ok. then gve it one last shot if you think it will bring you closure. if a date pans out then great!! if not, im pretty sure you know where to put her and her phone number after.

It just sux how these women like to show high IL in the beggining and when you make the attempt to hook up they flake out. i guess women always need these confidence boosts.

 

[WhtRbt]

wow i didn't realize it was 5 weeks since you've seen her. Yeah man she's not interested. Why do you need a yes/no answer? Just forget her. Don't call her or text or anything.

5 weeks without seeing her, man she should be blowing up your phone going crazy trying to see you.

 

[GuanYu]

Ender123,

Yeah it's time to move on. I just went through something similar to this. Went out on one date with a chick, everything went great and I thought I was well on the way to adding her to my team. Then the following weeks she began to disappear, going out of town, etc..

When I tried to make plans to hang out I'd get lame excuses only this time she wouldn't counter offer. Made one last attempt and even said we should hang out in her room (since she wasn't busy) and got a "my room is messy" excuse. So I dropped it all together.

Always keep in mind, if a chick is really interested she'll find a way to make time even if she's busy. She must be getting c0ck from somewhere, probably why she's always going out of town.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Did you meet her on a cold approach? Like 97% of cold approaches go this way, don't feel bad at all.

Read Anti-Dump's Machine and the Gunwitch Method in the DJ Bible.

 

[Ender123]

poke- yea man, having a really hot girl with a seemingly good personality appear to be really interested in you you then flakes out is the the worst. I'd rather just get shut down from the start so my hope doesnt get up. I'm with you, in that I'm going to give it one last shot... i mean I have absolutely nothing to lose so why not

wht - it's a bit more complicated than that but I'd have to type out even more to get you to see where the situation is. It's not that black and white

guan- sry to hear that, that's the absolute worst when you like a girl and you think it's going great then BAM. She vanishes

unbrid - yea - cold approach. I'll check those out, thx. I actually do feel bad b/c I'm insanely picky with girls so when I end up liking one and crap like this happens, it sucks more to me than it would another DJ/person. Sounds lame I know


just to let you guys know - i'm 90% sure I'm going to text her tmrw with what I said above. I know it will look desperate, but I honestly don't care about saving face or anything. I have nothing to lose here so why not

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Slow down with that nothing to lose attitude.

I'm really leaning toward sending this tomorrow (wed)
"hey, looks like this is one of those things that may not work out. I'm willing to give it a shot though. What do you think?"

I would definitely NOT say this if I were you. "Looks like this is one of those things that may not work out..." right there, we have a very serious problem. This sounds much more like a breakup line than whatever you're trying to make it into.
You're making this into too much of a big deal man, because you've invested about a month in trying to hang out with this girl.

As for the thread title, I don't really consider that "she still hasn't called and it's tuesday" thing flaking.

A good friend once told me that you can not call a girl out on something that she hasn't done.

On the other hand, this girl has been busy every single weekend in the past month. You can definitely call her out on this and I think you should if you want to keep persuing this girl.

It only has to be something simple, for example I would say:
"You know, you're never around on the weekends. What are you doing right now?"
She either says something along the lines of "nothing/chillin" or "I'm doing *random task.*"
Then I'd say: "Alright once you're done with *random task,* let's go to *that place.* I'll pick you up in a half hour, be ready."

If she gives you any hassle, it's really not worth it man. You gotta use your judgement though and determine what's important and what isn't.

 

[Ender123]

Slow down with that nothing to lose attitude.



I would definitely NOT say this if I were you. "Looks like this is one of those things that may not work out..." right there, we have a very serious problem. This sounds much more like a breakup line than whatever you're trying to make it into.
You're making this into too much of a big deal man, because you've invested about a month in trying to hang out with this girl.

As for the thread title, I don't really consider that "she still hasn't called and it's tuesday" thing flaking.

A good friend once told me that you can not call a girl out on something that she hasn't done.

On the other hand, this girl has been busy every single weekend in the past month. You can definitely call her out on this and I think you should if you want to keep persuing this girl.

It only has to be something simple, for example I would say:
"You know, you're never around on the weekends. What are you doing right now?"
She either says something along the lines of "nothing/chillin" or "I'm doing *random task.*"
Then I'd say: "Alright once you're done with *random task,* let's go to *that place.* I'll pick you up in a half hour, be ready."

If she gives you any hassle, it's really not worth it man. You gotta use your judgement though and determine what's important and what isn't.

good post, thanks for that. That makes a lot more sense than what I was going to do.

Shes going to be busy thurs-sun and I cant do anything today so what about texting her tonight:
"You know, you're never around on the weekends. I have some free time tmrw, let's grab some food. Whats a good time for you?"

 

[I'm in the Mood]

good post, thanks for that. That makes a lot more sense than what I was going to do.

Shes going to be busy thurs-sun and I cant do anything today so what about texting her tonight:
"You know, you're never around on the weekends. I have some free time tmrw, let's grab some food. Whats a good time for you?"

Close, but not quite. I suggest you call her out in question-form.

First I want to tell you that saying "What's a good time for you?" hands her the scheduling task of setting up a date. You don't ask this until you've built up enough of a relationship with her to feel confident of her response.

A much better way would be to say: "I have some free time tomorrow. Do you want to have lunch/coffee/snack with me?"

I hope you understand that this is an invitation for her to spend some time with you. If she pulls the "I'm busy" routine on you, you can A. Maneuver around it (politely) or B. End your offer and walk away (also politely).

Now, more about calling her out on the weekend busyness thing.

You know, you're never around on the weekends.

I look back at my example and it was pretty bad. You don't want to be like "You know..." because you both already know!

Calling her out in question-form is focused on questioning her rationality, her actions, her attitude, her knowledge, etc.
Make her think about whether she wants to hang out with you or not.

"Why are you always busy on the weekends?"
Or one that I just thought of "We never get to hang out. Let's set a fixed date for us to spend some time together."

All you have to do it get her to commit. If she tries to cancel, tell her that you don't appreciate her putting other plans before the two of you.
That's all man, good luck with what you choose to do.

 

[Jitterbug]

thats like 4 or 5 weekends in a row where she already had plans in advance of me meeting her (all legit too).

Weekends are prime dating time. If a girl doesn't make herself available to you on weekends (legit excuses or not), she doesn't want to date you. Low Interest Level. Next. Don't bother calling her out.

 

[WC2]

One of the virtues of dealing with women is knowing when to take a hint.

If a woman flakes on you, then you take a hint.

Once someone flakes on you he/she doesn't deserve your time until they've earned it.

'Calling out a flake' is a waste of time and usually counter-productive. More over, it just shoes your neediness.

So what, a woman flaked on you. Is that your only option? Men who pull women don't rely on just 1 option or obsess over one woman.

It's time to stop pouting and move on. If she comes around, she comes around. If not, asta la vista.

 

[Tazman]

Contacing her PERIOD is going to send the wrong message, it's been way too long. Again, you don't want to give her the impression that you've been "waiting" on her at all. Don't try to force a rejection from her, you won't gain anything from it except a blow to your ego.

At least now you know you aren't a priority to her so you can treat her in kind. Everytime a loss of communication has happened between me and a chick it meant it's time to move on. Most of them don't like saying it to your face, they simply stop calling and expect you to get the hint.

Also, your mindset in all this needs a lot of work. The pedestalizing your doing is going to hurt you big time if you don't get it under control. I'm pretty sure you've heard of "Oneitis". It is strong within you.

 

[Ender123]

I want to thank everyone for their responces. I read and considered all of them. I realize the standard DJ response would be to wait for her to contact me back; however, I'd rather contact her again and get it over with and risk losing her sooner rather than later... sooooo I contacted her tonight and here's the update.

It's on for now. She seemed really excited to hear from me and agreed to go out with me tmrw night. She kinda gave herself an excuse to skip out if she wanted ("im busy with work but I should be done by then") so I'm not 100% sure this will all work out. If she does flake, it's over. Never going to talk to her again.

I honestly can't tell if I'm more relieved or happy about this entire situation lol. We'll see what happens tmrw night.

Thanks again everyone!

 

[JimMac]

grats bro, whatever the feeling, it must be good. I'm in a very very similar situation and am going to contact the girl tomorrow, I hope mine goes as well!