Called her chubby

[-DJNoob-]

Hi fellow Dj's ,

I have a question on this "situation" i have......

I recently playfully called this one girl chubby..... we was playfully teasing each other and stuff and i didn't think it would be a big deal at all.

But her mood immediatly changed and said "Dont ever call me fat. EVER AGAIN". And she stopped texting for that day........ didn't text her the day after and came here to ask what the best approach would be to fix this in a way that i don't look wimpy or AFC-ish lol

 

[alphamailman]

She is a fata$$ and she knows it. Next her.

 

[JoeMarron]

Hah I sense a "texting kills relationships" statement incoming. Did you at least put a damn at the end of it?

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

Do you really want to hang around a girl who is that insecure? It's her problem, not yours... you don't need to "fix" anything. If she likes you enough she will get over it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Woah..... Hold on a minute there guys.

You NEVER call a women chubby unless she has deeply insulted you and it fits the crime. That's the equivalent of a woman telling you that you have a micro-unit.

Calling a girl fat is the most hurtful thing you can say to a girl, bar none. It it entirely off-limits in a joking or teasing sense. You guys who know me already know that I play a very strong, no-nonsense hand with women, and that I have no problem calling them out and deflating their massive egos, but even I know that implying fatness cuts a woman to the core.

If a woman calls you out on a physical attribute of yours and tries to humiliate you, that's another story. Go full-bore and cut her down if you feel it's warranted. But the fat bomb is nuclear and should never be used in casual jesting or teasing, even if you're annoyed with her. Nothing in the world that you can say can hurt a girl more than that, including accusing her of being a slut.

I say if a women is so out of control that she is humiliating you, then the nuclear weapon is fair to use. But in most cases it's not appropriate. Even a casual jest from your own perspective is a deep wound to a woman.

 

[Bible_Belt]

edit: (Atom Smasher and I were typing at the same time. Obviously I agree with him)

Unless she has a psychological need for abuse, calling a woman fat is the fastest way to kill attraction. "ugly" and "stupid" are probably no-nos as well.

What makes teasing good-natured is the topic of the joke. It needs to be about something that the person can easily change, and women do not feel that way about their weight.

Now you know for the next girl. You might be done with this one. She used to like how you made her feel. Now you make her feel fat. Act like nothing happened, but then try to get her alone asap and go for broke with physical escalation. The only chance you have is re-validating your attraction immediately. Action is better than words.

 

[-DJNoob-]

Good god, thanks all for your comments and recommendations. I have learned something yet again from sosuave & fellow DJ's.

Thanks all,

just for the record, i didn't kill the atracttion or anything since we were in the planning to go out together in about a week or so from now. She went trough with the "date" so i guess things are still ok ?


I kinda feel bad about the whole thing now, eventho i didn't do it with anykind of bad intentions ........feel like giving her a call ......i wont unless that would seem like im a AFK ?

 

[-DJNoob-]

"You guys who know me already know that I play a very strong, no-nonsense hand with women, and that I have no problem calling them out and deflating their massive egos, but even I know that implying fatness cuts a woman to the core".

Atom can you explain or give an example of how you "play a strong, no-nonsense hand with women ?..... Didn't catch that part to well.......

 

[Atom Smasher]

Don't even refer to it again with her. Perhaps a light, off-handed compliment at the right time will mitigate it, but make it light, subtle, and don't refer to the chubby joke.

In her mind she will "equalize" things all on her own.

For now, just pretend it didn't happen and don't make a special call to her. Verbalizing kills men's chances. The less you say, the better, especially when it comes to smoothing something over. Women tend to turn a man of honor's attempts to smooth things over as an indicator of guilt. A man should apologize to women very infrequently indeed, if at all. While men respect apologies, women tend to make more of them than they are. A little more rope with which to hang yourself...

I'll answer your other question next post. I want to send this one out quick.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Be easy on yourself with the joke you made. You're simply learning and you didn't know the effect it would have. We're all in this together, learning to calibrate ourselves and become the best men we can be. That means there will be lots of mistakes along the way.

By "strong, no-nonsense hand", I was referring to my usual personna on this forum. Some of the guys here might have been surprised that I was seeing the woman's side and empathizing with her to a degree. The guys know me as pretty tough on calling women out for bad behavior, because I believe that we teach others how to treat us.

When we let women run roughshod over us, and don't call them out on their disrespectful behavior, it reinforces that tendency and they will continue. Other guys here seem to believe that we should just let a lot of that go and not take it personally. The sweet spot is probably somewhere in-between, but I prefer to err on the side of punishing disrespectful behavior.

But back to the subject at hand, you're in the game, and you're allowed to make mistakes, so just forge ahead and don't feel too bad about it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I find that a woman's weight of one of the very few areas that are completely off-limits for jokes. For them, it's basically the equivalent of a woman joking about your penis size.

 

[Dryden]

Oh I made a fat joke some while ago that I thought would not be related to her but she related it to herself completely and I realized I had called her a fat cow, which she was. It didn't matter much, this was not a girl I was interested in or anything (at least not in the realistic sense) and I doubt it changed much, but I will heed this warning and not ever call someone chubby or mollig.

 

[Mr. Bond]

Whoops. You probably blew it for good. I learned this one the hard way too.

Calling a girl fat (even joking) is the quickest way to get rid of her.

 

[Die Hard]

Weird, I always get away with it... I do make sure that I deliver it in a very fun and playful manner, though!

 

[Plutoman]

It's never a good idea to insult a girl.

Too many men confuse negs with insults. There is a difference.


Insult: You are chubby.
Neg: You're not that fat.


See the difference?

I agree with the difference of negs to insults, but I'd stick in the point that your example here could still be easily construed as an insult. Best to avoid the weight subject altogether unless you have no inherent interest in the girl OR her friends.

Example;
Insult: "You're dumb."
Neg: "Are you sure you are smart enough to play this game?" (contextually referring to say pool, any bar game, etc).

The latter teases the girl but gives her a chance to prove herself. There's tons of examples, but any potential dig needs to be kept either very indirect or very teasing, avoiding a subject at hand that cannot be easily changed (ie, weight) or proven wrong.

Another example; I used a subtle dig at a girl, she's a technical consultant/manager/something. She said she was going to interview me; I told her to dress up as a sexy secretary for it. She immediately came back with saying she's offended and prefers the sexy office manager or sexy administrative assistant. The dig was in the secretary versus her own position.

 

[J Roc]

Stop Messing With Chubby Chicks LOL

 

[Trump]

Hi fellow Dj's ,

I have a question on this "situation" i have......

I recently playfully called this one girl chubby..... we was playfully teasing each other and stuff and i didn't think it would be a big deal at all.

But her mood immediatly changed and said "Dont ever call me fat. EVER AGAIN". And she stopped texting for that day........ didn't text her the day after and came here to ask what the best approach would be to fix this in a way that i don't look wimpy or AFC-ish lol

I personally don't believe in negs, life is too short. If she screws up, let her know. If she looks good, slight compliment. To subtly put her down in hopes it is unexpected or she may like it, think its pointless.

But yeah bro personal appearances are off limits. Unless you are serious about the girl and concerned about her health, then you bring it up carefully and nicely. Otherwise lay off, it's like a chick calling you short or baldie or whatever insecurity you may have.

But it's funny how women are as sensitive with their weight just as guys who date them. Guys will date and have sex with black, white, ugly, tall, skinny, crazy, bipolar, drug addict, serial killer, tattooed, stoner chick girls. But Fat? Thats where they draw the line.

 

[Plutoman]

I stand corrected then; it's going to be contextual with the personality of you and the conversation at hand.

In retrospect, I have made fun of girls for weight - but it's typically been the girls that are extraordinarily thin.

 

[Dali_tx_o]

I stand with Pluto on this - I think of all the jokes I pull on girls, a very good portion of them is "fatness" related. I call one of girls I know "Tubby", and she absolutely loves it. I often prod my finger into some girls belly in relation to some fat joke, and go "mmmyeeeaaah" with a big grin on my face. If a girl asks "does this dress make me look fat", I always say yes.

...and they love it.

On the other hand, none of them were actually fat.


...which bring a question, what are you doing with a fat girl?