Call Me A Fool, I Want Her Back

[Fizzlerather]

So, I'm in love with a girl with BPD. Yes, I know that's nuts, I know odds are she's probably ****ing two other guys right now, I know she has the emotional maturity of a three year old and I know she's like a drug in my system. I can't be rational about this though, I love her. I'm going to go through the whole story, and I'm sure you've heard it all before.

She's younger than me, 19, 20 soon. I'm 28. I'm fairly unaccomplished, she invigorated me, gave me a purpose, made me feel like a king, you know the usual stuff. Absolutely gorgeous girl, hits on what appeals to me in every way. Short, curvy, 38DDD, light skin, naturally rosy cheeks and freckles, gorgeous smile, nice big butt, angelic voice, etc. You know how it is. At the start she seemed like the sweetest girl on Earth.

She convinced me to leave another girl to be with her. Then came the horror stories. Rape or sexual assault by upwards of 8 guys, including her brother and father. Claimed her brother raped her at 12 resulting in a miscarriage, and that she was beaten all growing up, but of course she didn't want to pursue charges against any of these myriad of men who violated her.

The claims got crazier. She claimed to see all sorts of supernatural stuff. Demons, ghosts, hellhounds, all sorts of wacky stuff, aside from vampires which she assured me were the one thing that wasn't real. She stopped telling me about these things because I don't really believe in all that stuff, so she started to feel like I was mocking her whenever we talked about it.

The stories didn't stop though (the rape ones I mean) only at a certain point they started being about all her friends. I think it was because at a certain point I asked her flat out if there was more or if she'd told me everything. I mention this because one story that always stuck out was she kept telling me she was afraid after sex I was going to give her money and leave. That this had happened to a friend of hers.

So, time passed, this was a LDR, she only lived about six hours away, and she had me convinced that place was rape central. For a while there I went nuts and I wanted to go up there and clean house if you get me. After convincing me to break up with my girlfriend, the next thing was us moving in together.

She gave me a deadline, or she'd have to move in with a friend. Said her parents were going to charge her a ridiculous amount of rent by that date. Then she said her father was screaming and chasing her to her car and she was afraid he was going to start beating her again. Then one night she called me sobbing that these two guys she'd told me had previously broken into her house and taken turns raping her came back, but they couldn't get into her house this time. I had my doubts, and everyone told me she was nuts, but I figured once we were together I could find out for sure one way or the other. Like I said though, I'm unaccomplished. I had next to nothing, very little money. I spent it all to go up and move her down to get an apartment together. An apartment mind you I could only afford if she lived with me.

So we lived together for like three months. In this time, every day she had a new medical emergency. Seizures, choking, stomach pains, falling down the stairs, randomly passing out, etc. The hospitals came to recognize us after a while. There were various things she wanted me to do for her. Get married, get her pregnant, get her a puppy, every day for the period we were together I catered to her every whim as best as I could, but her illnesses of course prevented her from landing a job. We both started pawning things to make ends meet, and lots of family friends were helping us out.

The moment when she had me most under her spell came a week before she left. She had a miscarriage, confirmed by the doctors. She was five weeks pregnant. This was real, and it validated all her medical stuff. She was so destroyed by this. I remember she'd always tell me if she was sad her eyes turned green and if she was mad they turned red, and I always rolled my eyes because hers just looked brown to me, but I don't know if it was the lighting but I swear to god in that hospital bed her eyes were ****ing green.

I won't get into the carnival that was how she handled the miscarriage, but I just chalked it all up to grieving because she very much wanted to have a baby and was afraid because of the miscarriage at 12 she wouldn't be able to. The last day of our relationship, I'm laying in bed frustrated. Any criticism was the end of the world to her. Even things not meant as criticism. So I laid there, opened my laptop, and started typing her up a letter. I thought I'll just read this to her unemotionally in the morning, but she woke up as I was typing it, so I just laid out my frustrations getting angrier as we went on.

I told her every day was all about her, and that I was frustrated today would be no exception. Sex stuff came up. We had two problems where sex was concerned. First was her interest in what was leading to simulated rape. I felt really uncomfortable doing anything like that with an actual rape victim. The second was that there was one act I really, really liked her doing, that early on in the relationship she had no problem doing, but later she told me it reminded her of what happened during the worst of her rapes, and after we did it the smell would always take her right back to what happened to her, so she couldn't do it anymore. When it wasn't that, she just said she didn't get anything out of it. I pointed out that she was fine doing other things which directly simulated her rapes, rough sex, blindfolds, duct tape, being restrained, angrily ordered to do things, etc, but this one act I like she just couldn't do. I also pointed out I did lots of things with her that I didn't particularly enjoy specifically because she wanted to. I told her it was always what she wanted, when she wanted it.

She went right for the jugular. Her response was "Well, you know what? I'm still sexphobic. I've never once had an orgasm with you. I don't think I even can. All those times you thought I was? I was faking it." Now this would be hundreds upon hundreds of faked orgasms, but it utterly ****ing destroyed me to hear that, and she just kept saying "DO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE? DO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE NOW? DO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE?" and I was like "Jesus Christ, it's the same answer I give you every single day. No, I don't want you to leave. Stop asking me. Can't I even have a few minutes to be depressed? Do I need to re-assure you even after you destroy me?"

I finally fell asleep, and when I woke up, it was moving day! She informed me her family was coming down with a Uhaul to pick her up. Just like that. A few hours later there was a knock at the door. It was her brother, her uncle, and her father. The same brother and father she claimed had raped and beaten her respectively -well, she said the brother beat her too. I'd called my mother because damn it I needed some support and she was the closest person. My girlfriend ran out when they knocked. She'd already told me she'd changed her mind and was staying, but once they got there everything changed. She rushed out and clung onto her brother like he was her boyfriend. She hugged all of them crying "I love you! I missed you so much! Thank you!" It ****ing destroyed me. This was the reaction she had to me when I went up and got her, and now she was clinging on to the people she told me I was rescuing her from. She told me she despised these people, and now the "monsters" were rescuing her from me. It killed me. It absolutely killed me.

My mother instantly told them what my girlfriend had told us. They acted shocked, my girlfriend called my mother a liar, denied ever saying those things, and left with them for a little bit.

The next thought of course was "So, was it all a lie then? How can she react that way if they supposedly hurt her so much? I never called her a dirty word, I never hit her, I never forced her to do anything. What could she have said about me? What do they think they're rescuing her from?"

She came back, and I just sat and cried quietly as she took all the furniture out with them. She clung onto me, telling me she loved me and she wanted to stay. She alternated between telling me she loved me and asking me to hug her -all of which just prompted me to silently shake my head- and telling them which furniture was hers. And then she was gone.

The whole way back she kept texting me that she was coming back, just to wait for her, she loved me and she'd be back. I was like what in the ****, no one forced you to leave.

The next three days when we spoke on facebook it was basically just me telling her I didn't believe her anymore, that she was a liar and she'd hurt me incredibly. She offered all kinds of ridiculous things if I'd just wait for her to come back. "I'll take a lie detector test, a truth serum and undergo hypnosis, just wait for me, please. If you want me to come back right now I'll start walking."

I told her "I'm not going to tell you to do a god damned thing. You always say everyone else forces you to do everything, you just want that as an excuse to tell your family, that I'm *demanding* you come back. If you want to come back, that's up to you." She echoed everything I was saying to her, claimed that a gynecologist had told her I gave her an infection and she was no infertile -which would be odd since I've never had an STD and hadn't had sex in a few years before we'd met, and in fact at one point I actually got a yeast infection from her and the nurse lectured her on hygiene- and then she blocked me.

She deleted everything from facebook that suggested there was ever a relationship, all the happy posts about us being together, and she blocked me. A day later I was unblocked, but also unfriended. (continued next post.)

 

[Fizzlerather]

Call Me a Fool, I Want Her Back (cont.)

Five days have passed, and everyone tells me she's nuts, everyone tells me she's poison and I shouldn't give her the time of day, but when times were good, they were really good, and I love her.

What do I do now to get her back? Everyone says to wait two weeks before making any attempt to contact her, but I feel like by then she'll be ****ing some new guy, if she isn't already. I've been reading dozens of guides and books about BPD and I've devised a strategy.

BPDs thrive on three things, control, validation and drama. Rather than contact her online, I want to mail her a physical letter under the pretext that she left a lot of stuff here -and she did.

Step one is every few paragraphs to validate her feelings in some way, tell her that her emotions are valid, etc. As long as I keep it honest, I don't see the problem here.

Step two is cheesy stuff. I'm writing a lot of coded messages into the letter. Like, sentences where if she reads the first letter of every word it reads out as "I will always love you" and stuff.

Step three is drama. I'm going to tell her I might have to go into the hospital for a few days because I can't stop coughing and I have chest pains. This is true, though I don't want to go to the hospital, and I think it's just depression. I'm also going to casually mention -for the sake of honesty- that I'm back in contact with the girl I left for her, which is true, and that that girl has expressed interest in getting back together, but I told her we'd just be friends because I didn't want to just be using her as a distraction. This is also true.

Step four on the assumption that actually gets her to come back down is a combination of control and drama. If I take complete control in the relationship and allow her not to make any decisions, supposedly -according to some guides I read- this will make her "happy". BPDs are apparently notoriously susceptible to cults and stuff like that. That was something she'd complained about too, that I gave her lots of freedom. I'll feel weird about it, but I can do this. To keep the drama going, I'll dive head first into her more risky hobbies, ghost hunting, going into abandoned buildings, sex in public, etc.

I can't be talked out of trying to get her back, but advice? Suggestions? Criticisms?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Fizzles,
You write extremely well......Have you considered that the experiences you describe so vividly would make a first class "Comedie Noir"movie....While protecting yourself you should take up all the bizarre options she suggests maybe add a few more,you could make a new "Harold and Maude" movie ...Some of the thoughts you might follow up on....Seances,black masses,swinging orgies,trips to your local house of bondage...the mind boggles!

 

[abe0]

I have but one comment....RUN AND RUN LIKE HELL AND DO NOT LOOK BACK....RUN RUN RUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!!!
abe

 

[Vekhematu]

The only reason she said vampires weren't real was she didn't want to blow her own cover.

 

[cordoncordon]

If you are asking for advice on this site on how to get back with a BPD.....you have not only come to the wrong place, but you need to be prepared to be mentally raped by everyone here.

Take this from a guy that lived with a BDP for two years. What you have went through? It's nothing. Tip of the iceburg as far as what could have happened had she stayed. Everything you described your ex as doing? I saw it all X 100. Claims of rape. Self mutilation to get attention. Endless lies to create drama. Two attempted suicides---in front of me no less.

Understand this and understand this well. Everything she has told you, EVERYTHING....is a lie. There were no rapes. No pregnancy at age 12. No beatings. Nothing. All BPD's lie to some extent, some worse than others. It is what they do to create drama to get attention. And the medical problems she has had? Most are made up as well. My ex had one thing after another 'wrong' with her. Always going to the Doctor or hospital. Probably 90% of it was made up BS. THe other 10%? usually involves their reproductive organs. Don't ask me why but every verified BPD I know of has had some serious problems in that area. I believe it is natures way of making sure they cannot have offspring and spread the bad seed. My ex had that problem, a friend, my fiance's brothers wife...all of them.

But beyond all of that, you need to ask yourself why you, YOU....are willing to not only settle for someone so broken, but to go after her and want to keep her even after all that has happened. Your self esteem is very very low for that to occur. 5 years ago, could you have seen yourself with her? Knowing what you know? I doubt it. You are damaged and you need to start working on yourself pronto before you can ever be in a healthy relationship. Step one would be to start working out. Lift weights hard. Not only does that make you look better aesthetically, but your testosterone levels and other positive body changes will increase....and all of this will take your self confidence up many levels. Two would be to do what you have to to further and better your career. A lot of the reason you are willing to settle for this girl is because you said it twice yourself, your sense of self worth is very low, along with your feels about your career. I can promise you if you were doing well career wise and had your life in order, you would laugh at yourself for trying to be with this girl. So stop trying to fill your sense of emptiness and your lack of self confidence with someone else. ESPECIALLY this girl.

You should start a self improvement journal on here. Tell guys what the problems are and starting fixing them. Take it one step at a time and there will be plenty here to offer their help along the way.

Good luck.

 

[LiveFreeX]

You are not a fool man.

You are just a complete fvcking retard.

Does her name start with a C and end with an A and is she half jap, half Brazilian... yup? I banged her. They must all read from the same story books or something. Mine told me she was raped by her... bf? at 16 and had an abortion. She told me she was born extremely poor and had to get eggs from her neighbors but then she was a heiress. She told me her parents split which was true but she was UBER rich and lived with her aunt... the aunt was a lesbo. I found out later from her Mother when she was sayin that she wanted to get a dog, that she strangled a bird she had. She told me she fvcked her therapist. She told me all kinds of sh1t. She tried to kill herself twice, once in front of me also when I threatened to leave her, should have let her do it. She was always at the hospital for something and had a ton of excuses why she couldn't go outside during the day. There was always a problem or a fight about something stupid. She had a preoccupation with gays. She told me her brother was gay or she thought he was. She said all her friends were gays. She was planning our marriage and baby only 2 weeks after I met her but told me 2 days after I met her that she probably couldn't have children and it was ok to fvk her without a condom. Threw all my **** out of a top floor apartment (5th floor)...all my stuff out the window, kicked me out, then as I was leaving begged me to come back in... all this because I was making fun of Dora the explorer. The night we split up we had this huge fight... I just wanted to leave, she had been having one of her freakout episodes after sex. I called my mother to ask her what I should do. My mom said "come to the airport now and take the first flight out of there with whatever you can carry".

I found out later, everything she said was a complete lie, none of it was truth... she was a rich, lonely girl who led an extremely boring and average life. This is not the woman I married.

Momma knows best.

 

[cordoncordon]

You are not a fool man.

You are just a complete fvcking retard.

Does her name start with a C and end with an A and is she half jap, half Brazilian... yup? I banged her. They must all read from the same story books or something. Mine told me she was raped by her... bf? at 16 and had an abortion. She told me she was born extremely poor and had to get eggs from her neighbors but then she was a heiress. She told me her parents split which was true but she was UBER rich and lived with her aunt... the aunt was a lesbo. I found out later from her Mother when she was sayin that she wanted to get a dog, that she strangled a bird she had. She told me she fvcked her therapist. She told me all kinds of sh1t. She tried to kill herself twice, once in front of me also when I threatened to leave her, should have let her do it. She was always at the hospital for something and had a ton of excuses why she couldn't go outside during the day. There was always a problem or a fight about something stupid. She had a preoccupation with gays. She told me her brother was gay or she thought he was. She said all her friends were gays. She was planning our marriage and baby only 2 weeks after I met her but told me 2 days after I met her that she probably couldn't have children and it was ok to fvk her without a condom. Threw all my **** out of a top floor apartment (5th floor)...all my stuff out the window, kicked me out, then as I was leaving begged me to come back in... all this because I was making fun of Dora the explorer. The night we split up we had this huge fight... I just wanted to leave, she had been having one of her freakout episodes after sex. I called my mother to ask her what I should do. My mom said "come to the airport now and take the first flight out of there with whatever you can carry".

I found out later, everything she said was a complete lie, none of it was truth... she was a rich, lonely girl who led an extremely boring and average life. This is not the woman I married.

Momma knows best.

The #1 commonality that BPD's share, almost without exception, is that they all have TONS AND TONS of medical issues (most are made up) and visit the doctor like we fill up our car at the gas station. Every BPD I know of does this. It's really odd. They do it over and over and most of the time it is to get attention and to create drama. But as I said earlier most do genuinely seem to have some reproductive issues, which I think somehow goes along with being a BPD, because they all seem to have it. Evolutions way of making sure they don't procreate.

 

[Fizzlerather]

So, her tumblr is full of messages directed to me that she misses me, wants me back, and so on. She's evidently spent the last week badmouthing me because several of them mention having to keep it secret and everyone telling her to hate me. So, that's fun.

She posted a long, very dramatic message about missing me terribly, and sleeping with one of my shirts she took under her pillow, and watching my favorite shows on netflix, and how I'm her "hero" and blah blah.

The real reason for this, I think is because a week later, all her old friends and family aren't catering to her and showering her with attention anymore. She's changed her name to "invisible" and posted several images that suggest she went to greet people she expected would be excited to see her again, and felt ignored.

She had this dream of getting an RV and touring the country. If I could afford one big enough that I wouldn't have to leave my pets behind, I'm seriously considering this as an option to prevent the relatives from showing up, give her something she wants, and limit her online access to those people.

She hurt me really bad when she left, for reasons I outlined before, but if she did it again, I wouldn't be as destroyed. I dealt with it once.

I'm going to mail off the letter to her soon, and it's over the top cheesy. I'm writing it like our love is forbidden, I put in some crude, half-assed drawings I drew of her (I once showed her that when I was like 15 I drew a picture of a girl I was dating, but I had no talent for it, and since then she's always asked me to draw pictures of her in a desire to one up the ex, as she constantly feels a need to in every way be better than every girl I've ever dated.) I even rubbed my deodorant on the envelope. She goes nuts over cheesy overtures.

 

[cordoncordon]

So, her tumblr is full of messages directed to me that she misses me, wants me back, and so on. She's evidently spent the last week badmouthing me because several of them mention having to keep it secret and everyone telling her to hate me. So, that's fun.

She posted a long, very dramatic message about missing me terribly, and sleeping with one of my shirts she took under her pillow, and watching my favorite shows on netflix, and how I'm her "hero" and blah blah.

The real reason for this, I think is because a week later, all her old friends and family aren't catering to her and showering her with attention anymore. She's changed her name to "invisible" and posted several images that suggest she went to greet people she expected would be excited to see her again, and felt ignored.

She had this dream of getting an RV and touring the country. If I could afford one big enough that I wouldn't have to leave my pets behind, I'm seriously considering this as an option to prevent the relatives from showing up, give her something she wants, and limit her online access to those people.

She hurt me really bad when she left, for reasons I outlined before, but if she did it again, I wouldn't be as destroyed. I dealt with it once.

I'm going to mail off the letter to her soon, and it's over the top cheesy. I'm writing it like our love is forbidden, I put in some crude, half-assed drawings I drew of her (I once showed her that when I was like 15 I drew a picture of a girl I was dating, but I had no talent for it, and since then she's always asked me to draw pictures of her in a desire to one up the ex, as she constantly feels a need to in every way be better than every girl I've ever dated.) I even rubbed my deodorant on the envelope. She goes nuts over cheesy overtures.

After reading this I honestly believe you are as crazy or more crazy than she is.

I say this with the utmost sincerity and this is not at all personal, but strictly because you are so over the top nuts and you refuse to listen to any of us.....

Fawk off.

 

[LiveFreeX]

This is how fat people get fat.

Enabler.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Cordon,
Yes I am inclined to agree,but has the thought struck you that from the writing style and the completeness of symptoms we have our resident Troll Journalist back?

 

[evan12]

@Fizzlerather:
look my friend , when you are at your best and your girl leave you, unfortunately you have a little to do to keep her .
imagine you have HB5 and you get HB10 GF , whatever that HB5 do , you will still going to leave her.
I know out ego dont want to accept she found some one better than us , but the is the true .
you spend a good time with her ? good , but she found some one she can spend a better time with .
forget her and live your life .

 

[Fizzlerather]

After reading this I honestly believe you are as crazy or more crazy than she is.

I say this with the utmost sincerity and this is not at all personal, but strictly because you are so over the top nuts and you refuse to listen to any of us.....

Fawk off.

You have to have something wrong with you if you're susceptible to BPDs, right? Who knows, maybe I have it too now, it is a contagious personality disorder. They say for a guy to be attracted to a BPD he had to witness similar behavior from his parents. He had to have grown up seeing his parents fight all the time, have an overbearing mother, or a distant abusive father. I had all three. I guess it had a greater impact on me than I thought. My mother's nuts, I've suspected for years she had paranoid schizophrenia or something. Dust would blow onto her porch and she'd assert it was neighbors, or witches, or neighbor witches putting some kind of spell on her. "This dirt is from a graveyard, I can tell!" She was my dad's third wife, of what I thought was a total of four. Another nutty ex once did a background check on me and claimed to have found marriage records for my father getting married upwards of 8 times, but the dates didn't match up. Anyway, he was more of an alpha male type. Extremely good with women, but had lots of affairs. He was however also a really ****ty father, and for the first few years of my life had a tendency to leave me places in the hopes I'd get lost. Whether this was because he didn't want the responsibility or just wanted to upset my mother, I have no way of knowing, but there you go abandonment issues right there.

@Scaramouche
I'm not trolling. I said from the outset I know this is nuts, but I want her back.

It goes deep. When I was maybe 14, I sat down one day and wrote out a description of my ideal woman, in terms of how she looked physically, her personality and her beliefs and interests. Physically, this girl is still absolutely my dream. The personality remains largely intact as well, there's just the element of her being bat**** crazy on occasion. BPDs *can* be treated, and there are aspects of what it would take to make it work that appeal to me.

Imagine you meet the woman of your dreams. You fall in love with eachother, you build a life together, and one day she's diagnosed with cancer. Do you cut all ties with her because she's sick?

Yes, I'm aware in this case the cancer is sort of contagious.

 

[Married Buried]

I say let's help this guy get the BPD back. Some people have to learn the hard way.

 

[cordoncordon]

Dear Cordon,
Yes I am inclined to agree,but has the thought struck you that from the writing style and the completeness of symptoms we have our resident Troll Journalist back?

Ahhhh, I didn't think of that. It's possible.

Something about the detail and the writing style makes me think this may be real though. It's amazing to me how similar this girl is to my bpd ex. A lot of the same behavior. THing is, if this is real and the guy stays with her? I can almost promise that he will end up being accused of rape by this girl and going to jail. When I broke up for good with my bpd ex, she cut herself, hit herself, and called the cops and said I beat her up. Spent the night in jail even though I was an hour away when this supposedly happened. Took me 3 months and a ton of money to clear my name.

Nothing good can come from this girl for our precious OP.

 

[Fizzlerather]

So, she wants to come back. We're talking again. Her family isn't giving her the attention she wants obviously, and she's already told me some brand new abuse stories. "They threw away all my furniture to teach me a lesson." "I got smacked for saying I want to go back to you." "They won't let me drive my own car!" "They forced me to block you, they want me to forget all about you."

I used to think the place was rape central with all the rape stories she told me. Now I think it's BPD central. Several of her friends have symptoms too. No wonder there's around 40 support groups for it in the area.

 

[LiveFreeX]

I like reading this thread, its funny. Guy you are a total idiot with absolutely no brain and 0 will power.. I can't wait to hear the next post. I would guess that the large majority of Western men are this stupid.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Once you put ANY woman on a pedestal and fear losing that women.. you have lost all control and become a pathetic slave. Only the woman should fear losing you and NEVER the other way around.

Only weak, co-dependent faggots chase after women who reject them and want to keep this women around. There are too many women in this world to put any one of them on a pedestal. None of them are special. But this is something you can only learn by spinning plates.

Women exist to be mothers and sex toys. If you're looking for a special princess to marry you're a faggot. :yes:

 

[speed dawg]

Women exist to be mothers and sex toys. If you're looking for a special princess to marry you're a faggot. :yes:

Sentences like this are why we've seen the influx of white night nimrods like Jaylan, Zarky and others lately. PlayHer Man and his minions is so far on the other end of the spectrum that you've created a big divide, sort of like Republicans and Democrats. Sort of like how they say the opposite of socialism is dictatorship, not freedom.