Call her out on this or look beta

[Comatozed]

@Maximus - Yea I shoulda mentioned the full situation. I've mentioned it in other threads and didn't want to keep describing the situation, we're only 2 hours away (our schools cities), but it's still too far to go for a 1 night date imo.

Solid advice, the tough love is what I need. At least I'm kind of self-aware enough to not go all needy and beta, even if that is how I feel - idk how much leeks out. I can only assume the reason she lost interest is cos I was too available early on and/or there's someone else in the picture in her home town. Who knows maybe she will initiate before Friday. If not i'll just say 'it'd be good to see you, dya wanna go out next weekend' expecting her to flake, and then finally I can move on.

This is the first girl I've let in or get close to me and now that I have it seems to have gone to ****. sucks man.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Shakin' My Mutha*ckin' Head

we're only 2 hours away (our schools cities), but it's still

ONLY TWO HOURS AWAY! :kick: Dude, that's a total of four hours traveling time. As a general rule, I'm only willing to travel forty-five minutes under normal traffic conditions. The thing is you're not sprung on this chick per se, it's you're vag whipped and you're enthralled with her ability to squirt.

 

[Comatozed]

I see where you are coming from, and what i've taken from that post is that I have to invite her here and not go to her, which makes chances of rejection higher maybe but **** it, she can come or she can flake, w/e.

But after we've been to each others place and done fri-mon, i just don't see how i can possibly say you can come for one night.

The way to get it to one night would be me going to her city but telling her im seeing my mates who live there the other night...not really sure what that achieves though tbh?? I've already been too available, not sure me withdrawing my availability now is going to add-up or achieve anything.

 

[Don-Kong]

Chicks only exist in your mind. Pleasant feelings within, desire, is projected onto the illusory woman. Hopes and dreams. Recognise. She is fleeting.

If you've banged this chick. Move forward and assert or next her.
Level up or move on.
You don't need to overthink it. It's about you and what you want. What do you think, feel and want? That's being assertive. I know this because I teach assertiveness skills in therapy.

If you get too caught up in the illusory woman and the story, you lose sense of reality. You are the prize. You are the Don. They should beg to be around you.

I'm dating this 10. She's so shy. Women like assertiveness, not aggression passiveness. You can have her anytime you want. And if not, she's crazy! Get into the mindset. You are worth it.
Good luck chief

 

[bukowski_merit]

I see where you are coming from, and what i've taken from that post is that I have to invite her here and not go to her, which makes chances of rejection higher maybe but **** it, she can come or she can flake, w/e.

But after we've been to each others place and done fri-mon, i just don't see how i can possibly say you can come for one night.

The way to get it to one night would be me going to her city but telling her im seeing my mates who live there the other night...not really sure what that achieves though tbh?? I've already been too available, not sure me withdrawing my availability now is going to add-up or achieve anything.

You're making a common guy mistake. (and you're also showing signs of oneitis.)


The woman is back pedaling a bit. Showing signs of disinterest; overall: being the challenge in your relationship.

Instead of following suite: You are moving in the same direction as she is.... Meaning - she's moving back and you're moving forward. This is akin to a rapist moving towards his target as she backs away from him cautiously. Except you're not raping her; you're raping her attraction for you.

To not rape her attraction for you: When she steps back - YOU step back further!

 

[Comatozed]

Ok so there's been no contact as of yet, if there isn't by Friday night is it even worth me initiating/asking her out?

The way I see it there isn't any point being the one to initiate, if she was going to accept a date proposal she would initiate a text conversation herself.

But at the same time to just never speak to her at all again would be so weird. It just would. We got close. If i'm not going to msg her asking her out though the only other option is all needy and beta - like 'erm whats changed'?

Been working on other girls, Idk why i'm so caught up on this one, think it's wanting what you can't have.

Thoughts please guys?

 

[pyros]

yes, you should punch yourself in the face.

DONT BE SO DAMN DESPERATE.

And never ever again put so much thought, interest etc in one fuc-king girl that's not even your girlfriend of a couple of years.

This one doesn't want to see you, or at least, she's seing someone else she does like, call, text, fuc-k etc.


For Christ's sake.

 

[Comatozed]

Haha If I did what I wanted to do I'd come across way to desperate and needy, i'm doing my best to not let it out and likely failing.

This was always going to happen being it the first girl i've actually liked.

If asking her out is futile..which i think if she doesn't initiate, it is. Then my only real question now is to just completely go ghost or make some closing contact.

I think for my long term game/self respect pride its probably better to just not contact her again, but at the same time I would like to hear something from her. I know I shouldn't care for her reasons, hell she may even make them up anyway, but to go from how well we got on etc to just never hearing from or seeing her again, is something that is hard for me to accept at the moment.

Gym, career, plates from now on. **** this feeling.

 

[Comatozed]

Thanks man.

With regards to fear of rejection. It's not so much the rejection itself I fear, i'm more scared of doing the wrong thing, that will lead to rejection. I'm just trying to give myself the best chance and right now I don't know if being the one to initiate does that...

The general consensus on this forum is that chasing and admitting you like someone is weak and beta, and I agree. But surely there has to be a middle ground, where it is manly and attractive to say how you feel and what you want and be prepared to deal with the consequences.

I'm probably going to initiate Saturday afternoon. Depending on her time to reply and effort she puts in I will either ask her out or probably just drop contract.

Whether I just go ghost or address the fact we've drifted, is something I'm not sure on. I think ultimately I'll have to address it. I guess by that point its over anyway and no matter what I do it'll not effect the future.

 

[Comatozed]

Well this sucks. Still no contact. The day after I saw her last she was texting me saying how she misses me etc, this was 4 weeks ago..

I'm going to message her tomorrow, I'm just wondering what to say..

A) Hey hb7 wanna come to my place next weekend?
(straight to the point although she might think im a social retard for not taking hints)

B) Hey hb7 how are you?
(gauge her reaction if its even worth asking her out)

C) Hey hb7, i feel as though things have changed this last week or so, whats goin on?
(beta?)

D) Continue to not contact.

Let me know please. At least this will all be over soon and I can get my **** together.

 

[pyros]

Well this sucks. Still no contact. The day after I saw her last she was texting me saying how she misses me etc, this was 4 weeks ago..

I'm going to message her tomorrow, I'm just wondering what to say..

A) Hey hb7 wanna come to my place next weekend?
(straight to the point although she might think im a social retard for not taking hints)

B) Hey hb7 how are you?
(gauge her reaction if its even worth asking her out)

C) Hey hb7, i feel as though things have changed this last week or so, whats goin on?
(beta?)

D) Continue to not contact.

Let me know please. At least this will all be over soon and I can get my **** together.

.


SHE'S NOT INTERESTED IN YOU ANYMORE, it's not that complicated to understand.

what should you do? forget about her and go find another woman for god's sake.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

E) CALL HER INSTEAD. Assuming she picks up, you NEED to hear her vocal inflections to determine her true level of interest in seeing you. Why is this important? Because, on the off-chance she text you back, she could send you words that make you think one thing - i.e. "oh, sure, I'd love to meet up" - but it doesn't really tell you if she's actually wanting to do it or just saying it to appease you. BUT, if you call her and she picks up the phone and you ask your question, you can better tell her level of interest by her response. If she jumps at the offer right away with excitement you'll know she's really interested; if there's a slight pause of any kind or pausing sounds ("oh. um. hmm. well...") it's the death knoll.

Regardless of whether you text or call though, one thing should be clear: if she's not responding to your messages or picking up your phone calls (or calling you back), consider it a WRAP.

 

[Comatozed]

she responds, she just doesn't instigate. kinda short in her replies but not completely so.

does her not instigating mean she has no interest, cos if it does then i'm not asking her out, i'll save myself the suffering and just continue NC. but maybe she would say yes if i ask, **** it i'm asking her tmr and then that'll be the end.

 

[Don-Kong]

A

And don't ASK her if she wants to...instead TELL her what you WANT.

It will help you to be VERY SPECIFIC about what you want her to do with you.

Bang on. Good advice.
Being assertive asserts this is what I want, this is how i feel about things and this is what i am thinking. It's an internal responsibility that allows the person to remain independent of the outcome.

 

[Comatozed]

Thanks guys makes a lot of sense and will allow me to get through this without making a tit of myself.

I'll say what I want (her to come see me) and if she flakes then what ever. no point worrying about the things you can't control. on wards and upwards

or i could just send her this(obv joking but song so apt right now) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpOSxM0rNPM&feature=kp

 

[Don-Kong]

Guarantee you that when you move in your own direction it makes a difference.
When i teach this stuff to clients, they say how they feel more in control and empowered because they are not working to anyone else's agenda. This is you taking risks and gambling against uncertainty. That's where anxiety comes in because of the uncertaincty of it but if you expose yourself to it. Eventually you numb yourself to it. Go son! HAPPY!

 

[bukowski_merit]

Thanks man.

With regards to fear of rejection. It's not so much the rejection itself I fear, i'm more scared of doing the wrong thing, that will lead to rejection. I'm just trying to give myself the best chance and right now I don't know if being the one to initiate does that...

Your purpose SHOULD NOT be to gain a victory here; it should be to cut your losses and move on.

 

[Comatozed]

I decided against contacting her in the end.

There's just no way she's interested if she's not managed to initiate in a week, and i'll do my best to keep my pride in tact by just leaving it.

I do kind of what some closing contact, but not sure how to go about that without looking pathetic, although at this stage i doubt how i look matters tbh.

I may text her 'Whats goin on HB7?' or 'So somethings clearly changed but I don't want to leave it like this'.. unless you guys strongly recomened against it. I just want her to say something though. Soo strange that for 2 weeks after seeing her everything was fine, then all of a sudden something changed. I'd like to pretend I don't care, but I do.

 

[Comatozed]

Update: Got dumped. Exams/away all summer, all true but ultimately its a dumping.

She said she still wants to 'talk and stuff' but realistically I think she's just trying to be nice.

I said I don't really do the whole friends with girls thing but see how it goes.

I'm not really interested in trying to get her back, and I feel over her already, so I don't really need to do NC, wouldn't even mind being friends with her. Looking back we were more like friends who had sex anyway, rather than a burning attraction.

Still might go NC though just to be sure I get over her.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Sucks man but you could see the writing on the wall and your gut was thing you the same.
At least you are now dealing in blacks and whites - no grey areas.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and work on bagging a hotter, better woman who desperately wants to be with you, no matter what.