"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Cafetria approach

S

static

Don Juan
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I had 3 successful cafeteria approaches in a row. Then, my last one I guess you can say I got rejected. I went up to this HB7 who had most (about 5/6) of a pizza in front of her.

Me: Is this chair available?
(Turns my direction, I approached from behind her)

Her: What? (not with a mean tone like those uninterested girls, but she just wasn't sure if I was talking to her, I think)

Me: Is it cool if I sit here? (pointing to the chair)

Her: Oh, I'm almost done. I'm gonna leave (she takes her stuff and goes)

Me: Ok, I'll take it over then.

( I said it in a friendly way but she didn't really have a reaction to it. She seemed unsure of what to do. And she left in such a way like I had conquered her territory...like a chump. Uninterested girls would usually respond with a "yeah whatever" look. I felt like I punked her and I think she felt the same way.)

In retrospect, I thought she was checking me out while I was in line to get food. If I had to guess, I would say that she was attracted to me, but felt that were not the same type of people. I felt the same way, but I just approached her for practice.

This made me reconsider doing these approaches. This happened 2 weeks ago and I haven't done a cafeteria approach since then. I''ve questioning whether it's barging into other peoples' personal space. What is your guys take on this?

Maybe it would be better to more slowly wean into asking if it's cool to sit down. For example, just walking in front of her table and stopping to get her attention and then see what her reaction is and go from there.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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C

Cheiradawg

Master Don Juan
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Some people would consider it an invasion of personal space and others would not. There is not a constant social norm for this situation. A stranger asking to have lunch with another stranger does not happon very often, and hence this is why that one girl looked confused. She did not know what you were doing. She did not know if that was your favorite seat or if you wanted to pick her up. Maybe she was "just leaving" (having only at 1/6 of her pizza) or maybe she was confused about the situation and didn't like feeling confused so she left.

When doing cold approaches, I think it is a good idea to let girls know why you are there so there is no confusion. For all she knows you could have approached her for a number of reasons. If you let her know why you are there right away there is not any tention of trying ot figure out why the other person is there. "Can I sit here" does not let her know anything. From my experience letting her know that I am there to pick her up works wounders.
 
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