TooColdUlrick
Master Don Juan
the more things change, the more they stay the same.
my mom was telling me what my dad used to do to her, back in the day. we're talking 1960s here. it still works.
1. in a crowded elevator, he would fart, and say, "Carol". (you know, blame it on her).
2. in a crowd, with the family and friends, he would follow behind her, but walking like a chimp. she would sense it, but when she turned around, he'd stop, just before she could see it.
3. my brother had really blonde hair as a kid, no one else in the family, just him. at church, in front of a bunch of nuns, one of them asked, "where did this blonde hair come from". in front of everyone, my dad said, "from the milkman". this was to a bunch of nuns, in the 60's! punched him in the arm for that one.
4. they took the dog in to the vet. his name was Jake. the vet was mexican and he called him "yake", you know...mexican accent. when they were done, my dad said, "okay, cmon, yake..." right in front of him. embarrased the hell out of her. another punch.
5. aunt mary is really fat, and a b!tch on top of it. at the family gathering, and after a few beers, he once said behind her back, "if your aunt mary were any fatter, she'd be a perfect circle". this went over nicely! punch!
6. i recall an argument about who's house we were going to have a family gathering at. this was in front of a bunch of other family members. it was going to be at, you guessed it, aunt mary's place. aunt mary is also a cheap bastard, so dad was very opposed to this. he said in disgust to everyone, "yeah, a bag of chips and a six pack for dinner". another punch!
7. at another gathering, the dog was licking his b@lls in front of everyone--grandma, grandpa, the cousins, and all the rest. my uncle, who thinks he's funny but isn't, said the standard line, "boy, i wish i could do that". no one laughed. my dad comes back with, "if you ask him, maybe he'd let you". everyone cracked up. punch!
8. at 4th of July, when we were kids lighting fireworks in the backyard (boy, the good ole days when it was legal), we would use those punks to light them. we ran out of them and my dad, so suave as only he can, gave us his cigarette to light them! mom didn't like that at all. punch!
and a whole bunch of other funny stuff.
of course, they have long since been divorced. but, mom still looks on this with a little sparkle in her eye. mom was always a "good girl". but dad messed with her at times, embarassed her, etc. she loved it! looking back, mom used to punch dad a lot!
he married a lawyer 15 years younger and messes with her just as much. she's a pouter--you know the type--like a 6 year old when she doesn't get her way. he tells her flat out, to go pout in the other room.
dad is still a DJ, at the ripe old age of 62!
rock on.
my mom was telling me what my dad used to do to her, back in the day. we're talking 1960s here. it still works.
1. in a crowded elevator, he would fart, and say, "Carol". (you know, blame it on her).
2. in a crowd, with the family and friends, he would follow behind her, but walking like a chimp. she would sense it, but when she turned around, he'd stop, just before she could see it.
3. my brother had really blonde hair as a kid, no one else in the family, just him. at church, in front of a bunch of nuns, one of them asked, "where did this blonde hair come from". in front of everyone, my dad said, "from the milkman". this was to a bunch of nuns, in the 60's! punched him in the arm for that one.
4. they took the dog in to the vet. his name was Jake. the vet was mexican and he called him "yake", you know...mexican accent. when they were done, my dad said, "okay, cmon, yake..." right in front of him. embarrased the hell out of her. another punch.
5. aunt mary is really fat, and a b!tch on top of it. at the family gathering, and after a few beers, he once said behind her back, "if your aunt mary were any fatter, she'd be a perfect circle". this went over nicely! punch!
6. i recall an argument about who's house we were going to have a family gathering at. this was in front of a bunch of other family members. it was going to be at, you guessed it, aunt mary's place. aunt mary is also a cheap bastard, so dad was very opposed to this. he said in disgust to everyone, "yeah, a bag of chips and a six pack for dinner". another punch!
7. at another gathering, the dog was licking his b@lls in front of everyone--grandma, grandpa, the cousins, and all the rest. my uncle, who thinks he's funny but isn't, said the standard line, "boy, i wish i could do that". no one laughed. my dad comes back with, "if you ask him, maybe he'd let you". everyone cracked up. punch!
8. at 4th of July, when we were kids lighting fireworks in the backyard (boy, the good ole days when it was legal), we would use those punks to light them. we ran out of them and my dad, so suave as only he can, gave us his cigarette to light them! mom didn't like that at all. punch!
and a whole bunch of other funny stuff.
of course, they have long since been divorced. but, mom still looks on this with a little sparkle in her eye. mom was always a "good girl". but dad messed with her at times, embarassed her, etc. she loved it! looking back, mom used to punch dad a lot!
he married a lawyer 15 years younger and messes with her just as much. she's a pouter--you know the type--like a 6 year old when she doesn't get her way. he tells her flat out, to go pout in the other room.
dad is still a DJ, at the ripe old age of 62!
rock on.
