Buying a house while in a LTR

[loser2]

Guys,

I've been with this girl for 4+ years and it's been good and bad. Recently I'm looking to buy a house and she has been very excited about the prospect of living with me in a new house soon. However, she brings up about adding her name to the title. I said no. I told her it will be her house as well when we are married. In the beginning she seems fine with it, but now she isn't. She now thinks I am buying a house for my own sake (which is true somewhat) and if I do really plan on marrying her, what difference does it make if I just put her name on the title now. It actaully got bad that she is not even thinking of moving in and she wants to move on because according to her, I had the chance to prove to her that I really want to be with her but I blew it.

I don't want to lose this girl, but at the same time, I don't understand why she has to act like this. 99% of the people I asked said do not put the her name on the title unless you are married. But dang, now I seem to have my back against the wall...any advice? Thanks.

 

[DJDamage]

Having your girl move in with you is a bad idea. NEVER MOVE IN WITH A CHICK IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO HER.

I think this girl wants to put her name on the house because its:

a) Entrapment: She already wants to get married to you so this name on the house will seal the deal for her. More commitments, more difficulty to get out.

b) Why are women named after hurricanes?? because when they come, theyr'e wet and wild and when they go they take your house and car with them . If the relationship doesn't work out she will take you to the cleaners and own half of the house even though you paid for it because it is under her name.

DjDamage

 

[Macgyver]

Seems like she's trying to put a spin on what it means to be in a relationship (ie. forcing you on her terms.)

Are you also planning to marry this broad?

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

Whatever you do, don't let her put her name on the title unless she's paying half (or more) of the mortgage. Along with that should also come some sort of written agreement binding her to those payments (as you are bound).

No pay, no name on title, no way.

 

[driver55]

Hmm

I like long drink of waters idea. That sounds like the best option if you want her in the house and she wants the name on the title. Otherwise DO NOT F***in do this. You will regret it. Good luck.

 

[ElChoclo]

Name goes on as owner if she pays half deposit and is joint mortgagor. If you pay and are indebted alone, it does not go on.

If she moves in and the laws of your State render her a common law wife, she accrues rights against you so at the least a written agreement according to your State legislation by a lawyer is needed. If your local laws make her a virtual wife you'd better think of the whole issue as if you were marrying her.

If you wouldn't marry at this point, don't live with her. Ignoring the formalities doesn't overcome the realities. I note that you said 4 years some good some bad. Any bad prior to marriage should mean no marriage. Also your on-line name is bad for you psychologically.

 

[Heretolearn]

You have been together 4 years, why have you not married her?

These are the same reasons NOT to put her on the title. Would you put your best male friend on in the same situation?

 

[Desdinova]

However, she brings up about adding her name to the title. I said no. I told her it will be her house as well when we are married.

DO NOT put her name on the title unless you're married to her. If the two of you split up, she'll have the right to force you to sell the house and give her at least half of the profit.

Don't put her name on it just to stop her from b1tching. A little bit of b1tching is better than the possibility of losing half of your investment.

Put your foot down on this issue. She may have another agenda to fill by wanting her name on the house. Protect yourself. You are the most important person in your life, not her.

I wouldn't even let her move in with you if she's making a big stink about owning something that isn't hers. It's your mortgage, it's your credit, so why should her name be on it? You're the one who's working hard for this, not her.

I also second what DJDamage said:

Having your girl move in with you is a bad idea. NEVER MOVE IN WITH A CHICK IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO HER.

Don't give into her "reasons" for you to include her name. Her behavior is being driven by her emotion, not logic. If she leaves you over this issue, you're better off. Nobody needs a manipulative woman in their life. If she puts up a big stink about this, what else is she going to make you miserable over?

 

[Colossus]

Please refer to this link: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=93063&highlight=iron+rule+tomassi

Read Rollo Tomasi's post. Memorize it.

I havent been in your situation myself, but I have (had, rather) a good friend who was in an identical predicament. He decided to put his gf's name on the title, and lo and behold, things didnt work out. So without elaboration I will just say that he has forever entangled himself with this ho, and is reaping the delightful consequences of living with her (kids, legal matters, divorce).

Dont do it, for your own sake.

 

[Captain AFC]

Please, don't do this. Just don't.

I moved in with my ex. It was her suggestion. Fortunately we were renting. Then she decided that I sucked. And she hates me today. The most i did to her... I sucked too much.

Essentially, I got a verbal and public tongue-lashing of epic proportions, blah blah blah, wah wah wah, no one sympathizes for men.

--

Imagine this scenario now for yourself, only now you just gave her access to your bank account. She's going to think the following of you:

1.) You suck (this is typical)
2.) You deserve death (but she can't legally do murder you)
3.) She should punish you a lot (she'll do this)
4.) Mess with your finances (because that'll teach ya)

Meanwhile, you will likely be sad that it ended, wish her well, and analyze where you went wrong. Maybe I'm just projecting here.

On the other end, her girlfriends amd family will numbly support her in tearing you to pieces over said property, and rationalize that it's the law and it's only "fair."

I think I'm becoming overly cynical or something.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4
NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

You are utterly powerless in this situation. NEVER buy a home with a girlfriend, NEVER sign a rental lease with a girlfriend. NEVER agree to move into her home and absolutely NEVER move a woman into your own established living arrangement. I'm adamantly opposed to the "shacking up" dynamic, it is a trap that far too many men allow themselves to fall into. My passion agianst this isn't based on some moral issue, it it simple pragmatism. I know a fellow right now who is in the pit of misery with a girl he signed an apartment lease with for a year and has had to basically live with his ex for tha past 5 months and wont get out of the lease until May. If you live with a woman you may as well be married because upon doing so every liability and accountability of marriage is then in effect. You not only lose any freedom of annonymity you commit to, legally, being responsible for the continuation of your living arrangements regardless of how your relationship decays.

Just don't do it. Relationships last best when you spin more plates or at the very least keep each other at arm's distance.

 

[Maximus Rex]

I have to concur with all the other posts. If you have her on the title and things go south on the relationship, you may have to sale the house that you worked so hard to get. The only reason why you should live with a chick is when your engaged and your "dry running," the marriage.

I suggest that you consult a lawyer and get a professional opinion. I also suggest that you revaulate this relationship. This chick seems to be VERY DEMANDING!!! You may have to DUMB THIS B*TCH!!! I think she has an ulterior motive. If your having this much of a problem with the title to the house, just think how much trouble your going to have out of her when it comes time to sign the pre-nup.

 

[Wyldfire]

Guys,

I've been with this girl for 4+ years and it's been good and bad. Recently I'm looking to buy a house and she has been very excited about the prospect of living with me in a new house soon. However, she brings up about adding her name to the title. I said no. I told her it will be her house as well when we are married. In the beginning she seems fine with it, but now she isn't. She now thinks I am buying a house for my own sake (which is true somewhat) and if I do really plan on marrying her, what difference does it make if I just put her name on the title now. It actaully got bad that she is not even thinking of moving in and she wants to move on because according to her, I had the chance to prove to her that I really want to be with her but I blew it.

I don't want to lose this girl, but at the same time, I don't understand why she has to act like this. 99% of the people I asked said do not put the her name on the title unless you are married. But dang, now I seem to have my back against the wall...any advice? Thanks.

Has she been paying her fair share towards the current living expenses you have as a couple?

If so, do you expect her to continue to do so in this new house?

If so...would you want to invest any of your time, money or effort into a house she was buying after being told she didn't want your name to be on it?

I don't know the details of your situation or if she has paid her fair share or if you would expect her to continue to do so...but bottom line...she now believes that you don't trust her and don't intend to marry her. There's a good chance your relationship is over because of this situation.

For future reference...don't buy a house unless you are not involved with anyone or married.

 

[penkitten]

no! dont put someone elses name on the deed unless you are married to them or you are dying and you want to make sure they get the home.

 

[Wyldfire]

Okay, I just checked this guy's post history. He posed a question two years ago about this same girl...about whether or not to get a shared savings account with her. At that point he had just gotten an ok job, she was still in college and he had given in to her. He said the reason she wanted to have the account was so she and he could put money in there each month so they could buy a house together in the future.

She seems to be very responsible and goal oriented and it does look like it was her prompting him to save and stick to it that has put him in a position to be able to buy a house in the first place.

No wonder she's so upset. She feels like she was with you from the start and you were planning to do this together and now that you're able to follow through you no longer want to include her.

If your downpayment is from that joint savings account and she put money in that account as well it would be blatantly wrong not to put her name on the house as well.

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

This thread sounds unanamous in the advice: DON'T DO IT.

You'd be stupid to do such a thing.

Don't even think for a moment that she will like you any more if you do. There is a popular comment that goes along the lines of "giving a girl an undeserved gift is like rewarding your dog for shiitting on the carpet". Same thing. You'd be doing it for no logically justifiable reason, and in the process putting your own financial well being up for grabs.

 

[Wyldfire]

LongDrinkofWater...check out this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=48297

It puts a whole new slant on this situation if you read all of his posts. I'm guessing the downpayment for the house is coming from the joint savings account he opened with her two years ago. At that time she was still in college...but if she finished and has put any of her money in that account it changes things significantly.

She's angry and hurt because saving up to buy a house TOGETHER was an idea she came up with...and now he wants to do it without her after she convinced him to save up in the first place. In her mind, this is like the two of them planning to have a kid together in the future and her getting pregnant and telling him...I'll put your name on the birth certificate after we get married.

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

Wyldfire, we must have been composing our posts at the same time, as your post #16 appeared just prior to mine and wasn't there before I responded.

What you say puts a different spin on things, but I didn't see anywhere in Loser2's posts here that suggested she was a financial contributor.
Surely he should have acknowledged such a thing if indeed it was her prompting that put him into a position to purchase a house. Something as obvious as her contributing to a shared savings account should have been mentioned (I would hope).

 

[Veracity]

Do not put her name on your house!!! Ever!!!

If you want her to have half your house, why not just write her a check instead of having a judge force you to sell it when the inevitable breakup occurs?

What nerve she has to even ask such a thing...

 

[john_1234]

read this @ work and just had to reply when i got home...
man, please don't include her name! you'll only benefit if you don't include her name. if she leaves you, then you know she wasn't the right girl for you. you obviously have it made since you're buying a pad..that and the fact that you're on sosuave, i'm sure you'd be able to find a more sincere attractive girl.