Busy Girls. . .

[XANEUS]

I know 3 girls like this. . . I call and ask,
do you want to get together for (activity) on (day). They say sure.

(No, I don't say the stuff in parenthesis above)

But when you try to schedule a time that they are free it is impossible. . . and I know for a fact that most (if not all) of their excuses are legit.

It's frustrating because I end up going out with others, but these are the ones that I really want to go out with.

It seems it always ends up in either I'm busy, or a call to confirm situation. . . as in, "I already have something that conflicts, but I can try to get out of it, call me back."

How do you deal with this without becoming an overlyavailable chump?

Up to last week I've been just saying, "that's okay. . . if you're not sure, I'll just call you some other time when your schedule is freer." Then waiting a couple weeks. This definitely seems to raise their (apparent) interest, but It still has yet to get me a date with one of them.

This past week, I went along with the call to confirm thing, but I couldn't get ahold of her on the return call (this is not terribly unusual, they are tough to get a hold of anyway), so I left a message saying:

Hey (her name) this is (my name). I guess since I can't get ahold of you, I'm going to have to assume that you can't do lunch this weekend. If this is a poor assumption call me at (my number). Otherwise we'll talk soon.

I don't know whether this will work out or not. . . I'm inclined to think it will be even less effective than the "I'll call some other time" thing.

Has anyone successfully dealt with this situation before?

Does anyone have ideas?

They give every sign of interest, up to agreeing to the date. . . but I can't schedule a time when they aren't "busy".

 

[DJ de Florida]

Busy women make time to meet guys they are interested in dating.




------------------
DJ de Florida
****
Just Do It!

1) Progress always involves risk: you can't steal second base and keep your foot on first.

2) Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.

3) You never really lose until you stop trying.

 

[don28]

Ditto what DJ de Florida said. These are excuses being used because women don't have the stones to admit that they don't want to date you. They could magically find time in their busy schedules if Brad Pitt was available, I'm willing to bet. Move on.

------------------
Women: They're all sisters, everyone of them. It's a big conspiracy.

 

[Scarface]

If the girl has interest in you she will make the time to go out with you...

Girls that dodge you like have a little interest in you, or none at all and just being nice to you by making an excuse each time you ask if she wants to go out with you.....

 

[XANEUS]

Wow! that's a resounding response. . .

Normally, I'd agree with you guys, but due to the nature of the reasons for their unavailability, I think it may be different. . .

They are usually due to some big activity, not just doing something casual with friends. . .

It is usually like athletic competition, or trip out of town, or parents coming to town (I'm in college). So I actually think these may be valid. And as far as I can tell, they do check out.

Given this, do you still say uninterested? And in any case, how should I proceed?

 

[XCMan]

okay, they may be interested in you, but the end result is still the same: you need to MAKE them want to spend time with you. you arent doing something right.

later.

 

[don28]

If these girls aren't suggesting alternative times of meeting and going out, then I say they are uninterested.

Hell, I work 30+ hours a week, I take 18 credits of college classes per semester, I work out at the gym, play ice hockey, and I still have time to date. So, I'm not completely buying the time excuse.

I'd be willing to bet that if you find someone outside of these women, and you seemed to be in love with this new woman, you would find that these women would be all over you like a cheap suit trying to spend time with you.

------------------
Women: They're all sisters, everyone of them. It's a big conspiracy.

 

[Lexomatic]

I agree with the other guys. If they ask you to call and confirm, or cancel at the last moment, they have low interest in you at the moment. The request for you to confirm is how they are preparing you for the final fall, so to speak. If they were interested, they'd find the time or offer to reschedule.

There are a couple of ways you could approach this. They may or may not raise their interest, but the aim is to allow you some dignity if it doesn't work out:

You could ring to confirm and when she gives you her excuse simply say 'So are you interested in rescheduling?' If they say 'I'm busy for the next few weeks' then say your goodbyes and scratch her off your hit list. Similarly, you could reply stating your annoyance by saying 'Well, you cancelling like this has really stuffed up my plans for that day. A bit more commitment or honesty up front would be preferred. I'll talk to you later' Then hang up.

Alternatively, on receiving a request for confirmation from a woman, you can ring HER back later, but instead cancel on her before she gets a chance to do it to you. Something like 'Hi, I cant make our meeting on Saturday, something has come up. Maybe we can get together at some other time.' Then make an excuse to get off the phone ASAP, before she starts questioning you about the sudden change of plans. Wait a couple of weeks before attempting to contact her again. If she contacts you before then, then you've sparked her interest in you. Basically, instead of her rejecting you, you are rejecting her, and she might starting thinking you are something worth investigating.

Or you can head the whole thing off at the pass by refusing to accept her request to confirm. 'Sorry, but I need a definite committment from you here,' then shut up and see how they respond.

The underlying theme is not to suplicate yourself by accepting their poor treatment of you. A lot of women hate rejecting guys directly because they either dont want to hurt their feelings, or are too weak say it to your face. It is how you handle youself when being rejected that differentiates the man from the mouse.

Don't take this as a definitive response (and probably not a well structured one, at that), but just one man's perspective - my scars in this area run deep

Lex

 

[Don_Juanabe]

Here is the deal:

1) Let's assume that these girls like you.

2) They like other activities and events in their lives more than they like you.

It's a matter of priorities, and a woman who wants a certain man will make him the number one priority in her life. You may be in the top 20, or even top 10, but you are not #1, which means that you should look for someone else.

Remember this rule: Women are outwardly very straight-forward about positive feelings; they are outwardly ambiguous about negative feelings. If you find yourself wondering how she feels about you, or hoping that she "likes"/loves you... she doesn't.

DJBe

 

[The Cynical Man]

F00k 'em. Don't waste any more of your time.

Always remember that there are women (girls actually) out there that love attention. They will do what they can to get this attention up to an actual date. When it comes down to actually going out with you and they 'hide', then it's time to 'x' them outta your life.

If I were you, I would do 2 things:

1) Don't talk to them at all anymore.
2) Find some new ones - there's a million of them out there.

Learn to ignore these kinds of women - it'll save you alot of heartache. Only spend your time with women (and people) that are
*worth* your time.

 

[XANEUS]

Yeah, I guess I'll ignore these girls at least for the time being. . . let absence work its magic. I won't ask them again unless they REALLY start to show signs of high interest.

Thanks guys. Sometimes its hard to stay objective.

 

[maranathaman]

Let's turn this around for arguments sake: If a girl that you like asked you out, wouldn't you MAKE time for her? I would!
I had a girl give me all these excuses and out of frustration I said, "Look, if you don't wanna go-out with me, you don't have to". Then she said, o.k. let's go-out.
So sometimes they need to know that you're not desperate or something. Don't ask me why, because I don't think they even know why they pull this crap! If she won't make time for you, then don't waste anymore time on her. Your time is just as important as hers!
~Andy



------------------
Imagine what you could do if you could do all you imagine...

 

[BygDawnReincarnated]

I agree to a certain extent with what the others have said above (the fact that if they had a high interest level they would make time for you) but I think that these days people really don't have time. People are so busy with their schedules they don't make time for things that are really important. Anyways, just try to find a girl that makes time for you. There are plenty of them out there.

------------------
I've been hesitant to reappear, been away for years, now I got my adversaries reduced to tears"

 

[Surfboard]

Yeah, I guess I'll ignore these girls at least for the time being

This method has never actually worked for me. The only things this has done was to either get her pis*sed off at me, or she'll be hurt because you don't show her the attention you once gave her.

I won't ask them again unless they REALLY start to show signs of high interest.

That's exactly how I'd handle it. I'll give a woman two chances at the most for different reasons.

Maybe you took them by surprise, and they weren't expecting you to ask them out.
Now they know that I have some interest in them, but they must show me strong signs that they do want me to ask them again.

If I don't get any strong signs, then it's NEXT.

 

[krd]

Are there really that many girls that would put a guy so high on their priority list that they would be willing to drop everything just to go out with him? I know you guys are saying that if she was really interested, she'd make the time, but not all of us are lucky enough to be Brad Pitt.

 

[Rico]

Krd, ask yourself that same question. If a girl that you were really interested in asked you out and you were really busy, would you simply say I can't go out or would you reschedule? You'd reschedule! Now if a girl that you were so-so interested in asked you this, you'd probably forget and not really care, because you're constantly being asked out by girls that you're more interested in for whatever reason.

 

[Armondo]

Listen you want some real advise:

OK, your on the right track, when you tell her "I call back when your scheduel is better"
thats great and all, but you need to go "Buffalo '66" on her ass, works great

maintain control at all times, if she asks you to call back to confirm, your just gave her some control, and one they feel they have some control over you they just cancel on your ass, they lose all interest for no logical reason, they dont even know why they just do, when they can control you, make sure that you give them all the info they need to meet you, with no option for a stupid call to conferm crap, if they try to make you, stop!!! dont let them keep control and tell them if they need a call and confirm crap you'll take that as a "your too busy" and tell them you gotta go and move on to the next girl!!! - they alway stop me at this point and say no no no I'll be there and they almost always are, you just got to realise that its a big battle for control form day one from call one, no second chance if you drop it here, so NO NO! call and confirm crap!! never just go and dont wonder about them if they can't keep an apointment in thier heads for a few days, give them one more chance and make them write your name in thier stupid little day planner,or she is history with you, you want chicks that show up ----- go Buffalo '66 on thier asses!!!

 

[ChrisFl]

> go "Buffalo '66" on her ass

What's that?

 

[maranathaman]

Originally posted by ChrisFl:
> go "Buffalo '66" on her ass

What's that?

Wasn't that a band in the 60's or something?


------------------
Imagine what you could do if you could do all you imagine...

 

[Armondo]

A kick ass Indi movie