Building on Ground Zero

[FirstInstinct]

Today I realized something. I want change.

Except I don't know how to change, how to get where I want to. I want to, I know that somehow, I am going to eventually, but... I need someone to shine a light in the right direction. A couple problems sit in my way.

I've been living in the comfort zone for a while. I've been reading up on being a PUA and a DJ for about 4-5 months now. I've applied some of the things I've learned here and from other sites to my daily life and I've seen improvement. But I still don't have a girlfriend, I still don't have the friends I want. I still don't feel like I truly am that strong, confident alpha male, the person who leads others with ease, with stunning charisma and the ability to turn heads as he passes by in the halls. I don't see myself as him, and I don't know why. I WANT to be that person. I truly do. I've read all the inner game material imaginable but I still so far have failed to put it into action.

I just cut the thread with a social circle I've been part of for a while now. I don't feel like starting a bigass pity party so I won't go over the details here.
The bros, the hos I've chilled with on a daily basis until a few weeks ago, are tossed out the window. Inch by inch I'm trying to burn away the old image of myself in hopes of replacing it with that stronger, more confident DJ.

Actually I realized that I wanted change long ago. But today, as I sit, at 9:30, 10 hours before I wake to go to school, I now understand I need change. I have the balls to say, tomorrow, I am going to MAKE change.

But between myself and those final 10 yards to success, I don't know where to go. I stand on ground zero. I don't know where to go. I want to build a social circle from scratch, I want to get connected with that circle who hooks up with the hotass HB8-9's and get me some of that ass too. Problem being I don't see these people very often. I have probably zero classes with any of these people in them, oddly enough, save for one or two classes with two or three of these people in them.

My reputation is still anonymous, a respectable few do know who I am but have no opinion, good or bad, on me. My core friends are gone now, and though I still have a good handful of satellite friends, these aren't exactly the people gettin all the *****.

I have the resolve. I've been hanging off the edge long enough and tonight I finally had the ****ing nerve to just let go and start anew, to head for greener pastures. I am going to make change... I just don't know how. And I need to know how to take action. I don't know how to build a social circle or get into the ones already set in stone here.

Sosuave, you've helped me on this 5 month long journey but tonight I sit confronted by a massive roadblock. This time I need some extra help breaking down this concrete mother****er. :trouble:

Thanks all.

 

[Jokerlsk]

I really now how you feel man, but I can't really help you. I'm in the exact same boat as you. I dropped some of my friends, but I did it for different reasons. Take my advice though: Don't break a friendship over something as stupid as a girl. I broke my friendships up because I stand for something different than my old friends. You don't have to be a jerk, or popular to get girls. Just stand up for what you believe in, and never back down.

 

[FirstInstinct]

Bros before hos, that's something ALL the guys I know strongly believe in. It definitely wasn't over a girl, but conflicting interests and just... we just drifted apart. All of us still don't exactly know what happened, you know? I just felt it time to figure out what was going on and cut the thread. I stood for something different too, my old circle being that same hollywood/media-brainwashed group of zombies.

Thanks though. Good to know I'm not alone here.

 

[Get-With-It]

Hm, maybe you should try to be more social by taking more risks. Just start doing things you wouldn't normally try. If you're sitting by yourself and you hear a conversation that interests you going on you can try to inject yourself into it. Lighten up a little too. A good sense of humor is one of, if not the best, things to attract people to you.

The thing is that I think your biggest problem is the mentality you've got going on right about now. You've worked hard to apply the knowledge you've gotten from this site and you've gotten results. That makes you hardworking. Your goal is clear. That makes you ambitious. Both of these are great characteristics that you should be proud of. The thing is though, you're so stuck on the things you don't have that you don't allow your achievments to give you confidence. If you can add more confidence in the way you think then and set smaller, easier goals for yourself that build up gradually then you'll more than likely people will see that you're oozing confidence and will build a social circle around you.

This is pretty much what I did with my mentality. After a while I was able to become tighter with some people I had already known for a while but wasn't real good friends with. I met a couple of new homies and now I'm part of a circle. I still have a long way to go with talking to girls but I figure as achieve more of my goals my confidence will increase and I'll get better. This is my first time really giving advice to anyone hope it helps.

 

[DJ_Matthew]

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm thinking of taking dancing lessons actually...

 

[FirstInstinct]

Thanks Get-With-It, for some first advice you do a damn fine job.

You really managed to reframe my mindset and how I should go about getting to my goal... but it's still kinda hard to get involved with the top circle... I mean my grade alone is pretty huge, at least some 400 kids I think, and so these guys could be anywhere at lunch, in some random class I don't have, or anywhere in my bigass 2-storey school. Unfortunately you can't just "cold-approach" these circles or you'll get a lot of "who the **** is this kid and where did he just come from". All I really want to know is how to get involved in these little rings and how to shake that image of myself right now and replace it with the one I want to have... sometimes it's difficult to visualize myself as that person no matter how much I believe in myself due to the rigid stereotyping and clique system set in place.

 

[Get-With-It]

Heh heh, glad to know I could help. Here's some more advice.

There's a guy at my school I'm friends with that's pretty popular. At first it really blew my mind at how this guy just seems to get along with everybody so easily so I just started to watch the dude. And that was when it hit me; the guy talks to everyone! I know it sounds simple but seriously, the most popular people are the people who are friends with people in differents cliques. He says hi with a smile on his face to everyone, even the really socially withdrawn kids.

He's also always on the move. I figured that whenever a conversation with a certain group starts to disinterest him he dips and talks to another group of friends without even saying anything. He's a leader that only sticks around or leaves when he wants to.

Instead of trying to get in with one particular clique of friends I think it would be better to make a few friends in different cliques. Since your school is so big you probably won't have to worry about one group finding out that you hang with a group they don't like.

As far as picking out a clique I would recomend finding a group that shares your hobby or interest and attracting them to you. For example, if you like skateboarding then you can get really good and that will definitely attract other skaters. Same thing goes with sports or dancing, etc. If you're not that good at what you do yet then you can ask someone you know for tips and start hanging around them. That way, you'll get better at what you like and you'll have somebody to chill with.

 

[thechallenger]

sounds like youve really either had enuff or hit rock bottom
both are good and motivational
my fav. movie on this subject in an abstract sort of way is fight club pay attention to all the subliminal messages brad pitts character states
also when you move out of home if you havent already youll merge into more of a man
your ideals and goals are very admireable, seriously
age teaches you a lot but so does pain, struggle, heart ache, suicidal deppression .
it sucks to say but some of the only ways to really have an outlook on life that you want is to experience severe mental truama
it allows you to put all the small bull **** of life in the trash and realize that nothing matters no regrets no look backs of 'what if'
good luck
and i expect a follow up of your progress
go get em

 

[FirstInstinct]

Both. I've hit rock bottom and had enough of this bull****.

Change starts now, I've been through pain, struggle, and heart ache but ****, I'm gonna live starting right now.

Mad props to you challenger for this.

 

[FirstInstinct]

Eugh, I realize that I haven't been getting the full message across only after some anxiety set in as I tried to think about how I'd approach my first school day of the week on Monday.

I'm not sure why but when I wrote this post I wasn't being totally clear on what my other problem was (although I did make one other clear, which has been sorted out). I don't really know how to meet new people at my school. My classes have seating plans and **** sorted out, and on top of that I also find that my classes aren't exactly filled with what you'd call alphas, party guys, HBs etc. The vast majority of my classes seem to be filled with the awkward-to-talk-to nerdy bunch, the average joe/jane, or the close-knit society of Chinese people that has managed to spring up in my school community. This is all fine and dandy and I still like being social and talking to all these guys, but what I'm truly looking for is that "alpha" group which can propel me to success. For was it not said on here that to aid success you should surround yourself with successful people? (Or something like that I don't remember the quote.) I'm really at a loss for what to do here, there are pretty much almost none of these people in my classes, and if there were, the seating plan's got me cut off, or the person's one of those guys whose head is a bit too high in the clouds and isn't all too eager to let others "into the circle". I can't just start talking to random people left and right, nor sit with random people at lunch. I suppose that I can push myself into nearby conversations, but I don't think I can rely on this to meet new people because as I've said I have a pretty bigass school and I might not see those people for a while, preventing me from building any sort of worthy friendship.

 

[FirstInstinct]

Faaaack.

I can't believe it. I've been through the most change I've ever experienced in a 4 day period. I got a haircut over the weekend, went to school feeling fresh and energized, and ****. I already found a new group of friends, I'm starting to laugh almost constantly through two of my classes, and I'm having a ****in great time. I don't have that dreaded oneitis anymore, and I think I'm startin to get some IOIs from these chicks I know. I honestly did not know HOW so much change occured in 4 days, but fuuuuck, I guess it really IS all about frame control and how you carry yourself.

This **** WORKS, and I'm thankful I found it so early... I honestly gotta thank every-****in-one for what's happened here. Hot DAMN this is amazing.