Building a Social Circle

[Clint Eaztwood]

One of the limitations I have observed in the years I have practiced cold approach game, is that often after a while the girl doesn't want to continue to be a part of a life that is a barren friendless wasteland.

Obviously there are some girls that are introverted that won't mind it, but the point I'm making is that the majority of girls are social, generally more so than men.

So the question is, what have you done to improve your overall social life, so when you meet a cool beautiful girl you are able to keep her invested in the ecosystem?

 

[powersize]

One of the limitations I have observed in the years I have practiced cold approach game, is that often after a while the girl doesn't want to continue to be a part of a life that is a barren friendless wasteland.

Obviously there are some girls that are introverted that won't mind it, but the point I'm making is that the majority of girls are social, generally more so than men.

So the question is, what have you done to improve your overall social life, so when you meet a cool beautiful girl you are able to keep her invested in the ecosystem?

Social circles are not only girls. Talk with some random dudes and become friend with them

 

[SW15]

One of the limitations I have observed in the years I have practiced cold approach game, is that often after a while the girl doesn't want to continue to be a part of a life that is a barren friendless wasteland.

Obviously there are some girls that are introverted that won't mind it, but the point I'm making is that the majority of girls are social, generally more so than men.

So the question is, what have you done to improve your overall social life, so when you meet a cool beautiful girl you are able to keep her invested in the ecosystem?

When most people talk about building a social circle, they talk about having a social circle in it for the purposes of having women within the circle.

@Clint Eaztwood's post is more basic than that. I agree that women tend to be the more social sex. Additionally, men that are cold approachers have less time for social circle building because finding romantic options via cold approaching or swipe apps is more time consuming and will take away from friendship time.

The solution is to have some male friends, even if they are useless in helping you find dates through social circle. Your beta male friends with steady/long term girlfriends are often the key to getting social circle sourced dates. The other common ways to find dates are through your female co-workers (if you have a white collar job), female acquaintances, female neighbors (especially in urban apartment buildings) female relatives (younger sisters are best) that live in the same city), or through random activity groups, such as co-ed sports leagues.

While I have male friends, my male friends over the past 10 years in the same city have been completely useless in finding dates through social circle means. Some men in this circle found LTRs through it.

 

[powersize]

The other common ways to find dates are through your female co-workers (if you have a white collar job)

Do you advise dating your female coworkers here?

 

[rjc149]

Do you advise dating your female coworkers here?

Don’t sh1t where you eat. I would extend this to neighbors also.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

They didnt really like my social circles anyway. Not sure how big of a deal it is. Usually she just integrates you into her social circle, and may or may not integrate into yours.

This has been my experience too, with just a small number of exceptions. I've experienced every issue under the sun as to why the women didn't get along with my social circle. Usually it's due to insecurity.

often after a while the girl doesn't want to continue to be a part of a life that is a barren friendless wasteland.

My immediate reaction to this would be to ask you WHY your life is a barren friendless wasteland. Do you have some personal issues you need to work on before you can develop a social circle? Some people like being alone all the time but in my own personal experience and observations of countless others, it is usually caused by some negative experiences growing up and some social anxiety. So having friends vs not having friends is more of a symptom of a larger personal issue or issues that, if you fix, can lead to being a better and happier person, which also makes you more desirable to women. Meaning: It isn't lack of friends that makes you undesirable to women - it's the underlying reasons for your lack of friends that makes you undesirable to women.

The next major thing to consider is that 99 times out of 100, a guy with social anxiety and a lack of friends will be the absolute neediest man on the planet when he gets a girlfriend. He smothers her, even if he doesn't recognize it or think so. Male neediness is the #1 way to send a girl running for the hills. If you really think about it, what does this tell you about men with no friends? It tells you that they WANT friends and WANT social interaction (because they want excessive amounts of it from their girlfriend) but personal issues prevent them from obtaining social interaction by making friends. Everyone has varying degrees of social need and most loner types expect to obtain ALL of their social needs from their GF's which just doesn't work. Obtain it from your friends primarily, and from your GF secondarily. There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who wants her but doesn't need her and she KNOWS it. Believe me.

Fix your social anxiety, confidence, and other social issues. Make friends. This will make you a happier and better person. But do know that THIS is the pot at the end of the rainbow that will resolve your issue. Just having a social circle won't help you with women because that's not what makes you more attractive and social circles can introduce many problems of their own.... jealousy, c0ck-blocking, drama, etc.

 

[SW15]

Do you advise dating your female coworkers here?

Indirect, social circle game is the only way to use female co-workers to spark up romance in a white collar work setting.

I advise finding dates through your female co-workers in the majority of jobs and in 100% of white collar jobs. Female co-workers offer the potential of their friends and acquaintances. If Sarah is my co-worker, she may introduce me to Emily and Stephanie, and I may end up dating Stephanie. That's classic social circle dating through co-workers. Stephanie might be more inclined to give me a longer look as a dating option than if I cold approached her in some outdoor setting or swiped on her (Stephanie might have missed my swipe as a result of being overloaded with swipes or she might not be on a swipe app).

In the example above, I'm not likely to treat Stephanie as a pump and dump. I'm also not like to ghost, flake, etc. If I mistreat Stephanie, she will tell Sarah and Sarah will bug me about it at work and I don't want to hear about it. At the same time, Stephanie isn't motivated to ghost, flake, be rude, etc. because she'll know that she'll have to hear about what she did from Sarah because I will tell Sarah about her bad behavior. While social circle might not lead to automatic matches, people will treat each other more humanely through these means due to the consequences. With cold approaches and app swiping, women's social circles are never informed of her poor treatment of men.

Also, because the common acquaintance in the example above, these relationships when they form tend to be longer as well. There are social consequences for such splits.

I wouldn't directly approach female co-workers for dates in a white collar setting unless you've put in your 2 week notice and are moving on to another company. It's gray area about whether to ask a female co-worker for a date on their last day with the company after they've put in notice or have been laid off and are somehow allowed to say goodbye to co-workers. If you as a man have gotten laid off and the woman stays employed, don't ask her out because she will likely not be unimpressed with your unemployed status unless you have visible tattoos and a general dirtbag persona. Visible tattoos and a dirtbag persona are less common among white collar workers. .

The rules for dating co-workers are a little different in blue collar and low wage, service sector jobs. It is a judgment call in these areas. In low wage, service sector jobs, it is possible to date co-workers because most low wage, service sector workers aren't planning to do that job long term anyway, so you end up avoiding the worst consequences of dating a co-worker. In blue collar, there are less females present in the workplace so you might not ever face this situation but it's more of a possibility in blue collar because blue collar doesn't tend to have feminist HR commisars and snowflakes.

Don’t sh1t where you eat. I would extend this to neighbors also.

Dating neighbors is not a good idea as well. In most cases, the answer is no. Home type and home ownership status are relevant variables to consider.

If you are a home owner is a condo/townhouse/single family home and she is also a home owner and you're in the same building or within 2-3 blocks of each other in a single family neighborhood, then the answer is automatic no. That's a close enough neighbor you'll see. Selling a house to get out of a situation where a romance has gone bad is a royal pain that can be avoided.

Apartment renting is where the decision gets a little bit more challenging. I would not recommend dating within my own apartment complex where I rent, regardless of the size of the apartment complex. The upside of renting is that the lease terms are short so you could let a lease expire and move if you dated a neighbor and things took a bad turn. The downside is if that happens mid-lease and you have to wait another 6 months to do it. Some men may be ok dating neighbors in larger apartment complexes (200+ units) but I still wouldn't do it.

In urban settings, one apartment complex might be next to another apartment complex. I think it would be fine in this situation not to date within your own building but date a woman in the next building over.

 

[rjc149]

The older you get, the smaller your social circle becomes. That's a fact of life for most.

In your mid-30's and beyond, you're less inclined to attend social events. Meeting new people is no longer a byproduct of your life's circumstances (school, new job, youth activities etc). You're less likely to meet new people unless you make the deliberate effort and put yourself out there. And you're less likely to make the effort and put yourself out there, because the older you get, the needier it seems. Many, if not most of the people in your age cohort, have wives and families.

You also have stricter standards for the types of people you associate with. I don't waste time with potheads, SJW's, partyhounds, drama queens, bad/negative attitudes, perpetual victims, the socially retarded, the way I did when I was in my 20's. I'm not as open to giving someone my time if they initially put me off. I'm not as willing to forgive disrespect of my time either.

A middle-aged bachelor needs to accept a certain degree of loneliness and social isolation as the downside of freedom. We can sh!t on marriage until the cows come home, why it's bad, why it doesn't work, why it needs to be avoided, the consequences of a failed marriage etc. but there's no denying that long-married men have much lower rates of depression and suicide than their single counterparts.

The growing epidemic of male loneliness coincides directly with the growing male disillusionment with modern women and marriage. They're both double-edged swords.

How do you build a social circle after 30? A lot of the advice here is recycled. If you have a hobby or passion, find a group of people who share it, and reach out to them. If you find that you're a regular at a given venue, introduce yourself to the staff and the other regulars.

I had a buddy who moved to my town, alone, 10 years ago. He knew nobody, and was looking for work. Night after night, he went out to bars, and introduced himself to people. Bartenders, bouncers, anyone sitting next to him. He's naturally charismatic and extraverted (handsome too), so this came easily to him.

His thing was, he would just say "hey, let's hang out sometime" to another dude he hit if off with somewhere, and trade numbers. Then he would hit the person up the next weekend. No different from pickup. Some dudes would blow him off, ignore him, but some would meet up. Over time, he made a lot of friends. He would walk into a bar and be shaking hands with every other dude there. He cleaned up with the ladies.

He was the biggest "Chad" I ever knew BTW. And he was under 6'.

 

[rjc149]

Dating neighbors is not a good idea as well. In most cases, the answer is no.

I have a cute younger neighbor (as in, the adjacent apartment) who has shown pretty clear IOI's. Nope. My home, and the gym, are my sanctuaries. I don't do game in those two places. They must remain 100% free from any anxiety or negativity.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

I haven't really had many issues with women and needing to have a large social circle for her to be attracted to me. If she has a large social circle, she'll usually try to get me involved in hanging with her friends. As for me, my social circle is small but consistent. And even then, the majority of the time it's just going to be me and my woman hanging out with each other. So yeah - never really came into play too much with me, but maybe it's different for others...

 

[handle]

Most of your old guy friends are probably down to hang out. Just call them. Guys are bad at maintaining their social lives but it’s easy to revive with minimal effort.
If I’m really at a dead loss (living somewhere overseas or whatever), intermural sports is an easy way to meet people. Play some soccer, get beers after, whatever.

 

[SW15]

In your mid-30's and beyond, you're less inclined to attend social events. Meeting new people is no longer a byproduct of your life's circumstances (school, new job, youth activities etc). You're less likely to meet new people unless you make the deliberate effort and put yourself out there. And you're less likely to make the effort and put yourself out there, because the older you get, the needier it seems. Many, if not most of the people in your age cohort, have wives and families.

This is good and I agree. I'd like to add that the pandemic is affecting people's ability put themselves out there at events. Some of the events that may have happened pre-pandemic aren't happening anymore.

A never married, childless single man who is 35-45 isn't going to feel all that comfortable in social setting with married couples. He's going to feel even less comfortable being around a married couple with children under 18. I would guess that most 35-45 year old never married, childless men aren't putting themselves in those situations often. Less than a couple times a year. Those men often have married male friends and they might see their married male friends to do activities such as hunting, fishing, golf, tennis, etc. The middle aged bachelor's married male friends are probably guys he knew before they got married if he hasn't relocated recently.

Single men have been known to report that they see less of their friends once their friends get married and they don't. The lifestyle differences are often too great. You don't see a lot of close friendships between unattached, childless, never married men and married men. If a never married, childless man is in an LTR, he may see his married friends more often. There are a lot of couples social events.

A middle-aged bachelor needs to accept a certain degree of loneliness and social isolation as the downside of freedom. We can sh!t on marriage until the cows come home, why it's bad, why it doesn't work, why it needs to be avoided, the consequences of a failed marriage etc. but there's no denying that long-married men have much lower rates of depression and suicide than their single counterparts.

I've never met a guy who found themselves single and childless after 35 and wasn't a bit lonely. As described above, single, older men are marginalized in most social circles because most social circles are ruled by couples.

A previously married single men with 0 or maybe 1 relocation in his past is less likely to be lonely. Let's say you're a 37 year old beta male that got married at 27, divorced at 35, and you live in the same area where you were born and attended K-12. Due to your lack of relocations, you likely have a deep social circle and people are still interacting with you regularly.

The guys who have more relocations to their name and are single and childless after 35 are going to be more lonely because they have weaker social ties.

The growing epidemic of male loneliness coincides directly with the growing male disillusionment with modern women and marriage. They're both double-edged swords.

Yes!