Building a new social support network from scratch

[chola]

I feel so f***ed up right now.. I am in the military currently deployed on an operation.. About two months into my deployment, my gf wrote me an email saying that she is breaking up with me as her parents do not approve of me.

I am of Indian ethnicity, and since I am from a low caste, her parents apparently do not approve me.. wtf?? But I just ignored it, continued to concentrate on my mission as it is quite dangerous to me and my team if I was distracted.

I have 2 more months to go and messaged my good mate saying that I would like to crash at his place for a month after my return while I go through pscy evaluation and get my life in order.. My mate replied to me saying that it will not be possible as my ex-gf is now staying with him and they are a couple now.. This broke my heart..

I am not an extrovert and had very few, but deep relationships.. And everyone in my friend circle is avoiding contact with me. I feel like I am being ostracised. I just don't understand what is going on.

I don't have contact with my parents in the last year or so. My family is dysfunctional. And I feel like I have lost my entire social network. I feel alone.

What I have decided is that I want to build a new social circle. Being 28, I am quite scared whether I'll be successful in building one.. Anyway, this is the plan.

- Find Squash partners through the internet and start playing regularly.
- Regularly go to Bikram yoga. I always wanted to do it. I am injured now and the doctor suggested it.
- Regularly visit internet meetup parties. Get out of my introverted nature and start socialising more.

Hopefully within six months, If I continue to do the above I will find create a new friend circle different from the people I work with.

But there is a part of me that is afraid of what is to come when I get back. As I stay on Barracks, I don't have a place to stay in the "normal world" right now. I don't want to stay in Barracks during my holidays and I have nowhere to go. I think I have to stay in a backpacker hostel while I try to get my life in order.

What do you guys think? Will this work? Any suggestions?

 

[evan12]

meetup is a good place when you have no social circle .

 

[Vigs]

I moved to a new city not long ago for a job promotion. In my workplace I either have employees or bosses. No chance for socializing with coworkers. I did something similar by joining a sport, and going to a meetup or two. The most effective thing I found though was going to pool tournaments. Plenty of time to socialize, and you are having fun, so making new aquaintanecs is pretty easy. Just decide some things you enjoy doing, and go participate. Force yourself to Sarge the guys there like you do women everywhere and friends will come along.

 

[origin138]

Sucks to hear about your situation. It doesn't surprise me though. I'm in a similar situation with rebuilding my social life and made a post on SoSuave not too long ago about it. Taking a different, non traditional path in life has a different dynamic to deal with, that's for sure. Your best years are ahead, and I'm glad to see you're handling this like a man.

At your age, most of your friends will start marrying and spending more time with GFs/wives. This gets worse into your 30s, but this is an excellent opportunity for personal growth.

Here are some things that have helped me:

1. Joined a mountain biking meetup
2. Joined an entrepreneur & small business owner meetup
3. Joined a singles hiking meetup
4. Picked up the guitar again and made a commitment to myself to learn music/guitar theory in depth
5. Bought lots of cool sh!t for my place
6. Got comfortable with going to concerts, bars and clubs alone
7. Traveling. I do everything from road trips across the states to trips across the world. Next stop is Whistler Park with my mountain bike.

Best of luck. The only way out is through.

 

[muscleman]

Sucks, but time to be your own man. Fvck everyone else. With your ethnicity it might be a bit more challenging to blend in with certain groups (just how it goes), but I would recommend the following:

1) Join a gym, go there regularly. Get your body right and once you're comfortable and become one of the 'regulars', you'll meet other regulars and make some friends there.

2) Find a local pub you like and hit it up a couple nights a week, preferably during the week. Befriend the bar staff, tell them you're new in town. Once that's done, it'll be a great hangout spot for you and you won't feel weird going there alone since you'll already have friends there. Then just spiderweb and meet regulars and other people there.

3) Meetup.com I guess, though I've never used it personally. You can also consider joining a co-ed league of some sort. I used to play sand volleyball (just for fun) and met a bunch of people that way.

4) Get a social job, either as a primary or secondary income stream. Personal training, bartending, any kind of sales (even go retail if you have to), etc. Most of these have low/no entry requirements.

 

[typical]

Ahh fu(king caste system eh, having a bit of Indian heritage myself I KNOW exactly what you mean. That mate of your's is a douche, I'm surprised you haven't lost your cool and done something brash.

You say you have two months left, I would cut out all contact with everyone, go ghost on them for now, hit the gym hard, read 48 laws of power and manipulated man (I'm going to recommend these two books to everyone now).

Once you're done leave town and start fresh in a new place and follow musclemans advice to the letter.