'Bringing yourself down' to the girl's level?

[Solomon79]

I wondered if anyone on this board would identify with this...

Do you ever find yourself facing a conflict when it comes to being who you are, who you are comfortable with - and doing what you enjoy doing - and placing yourself on the same level with women?

What I mean is, if you have intellectual pursuits, and you enjoy debating abstract ideas, well that's something a lot of women have no interest in doing. You don't necessarily want to dumb yourself down to have a conversation with somebody who doesn't share your interests anyway, right?

This is a problem I am facing. I think what is expected of men is leaving us in a tough place. We are expected to be successful and wealthy - which takes intellect - and yet 'bring ourselves down' to a level on which women can understand us.

I'm not convinced women will ever fully understand us anyway. So what the hell is the answer here? I just don't want to dumb myself down so people can understand me better.

 

[disfunktional]

Surely you have to to an extent, or they are not going to understand you. If you have intricate and specialist knowledge that is much above the level that the person you are talking to has, then they aren't going to understand a thing you are on about. For example, I am a network engineer and I have specialist knowledge of networking. Most people wouldn't have a clue what I was on about if I discussed it with them, unless I dumbed it down. Or am I missing the point....

 

[Hawke]

If you talking about specialist areas, then i guess you'd have to dumb down what your saying a little. Cut out some of the information so as you don't confuse the other person. Or to put that a better way, to just realise what it is the other person wants to know, and just give them that information.

I don't believe at all that you have to dumb yourself down to talk to women... infact i have know women who were more intelligent than some other guys on particular topics. What you really need to do is work out that particular persons favorite topics, areas both they and youenjoy talking about, and discuss those.

After all, if you want to debate abstract ideas you are better off spending time with people who do that. I mean i have an interest in discussing quantum theory and ideas about the quantum level of reality, i wouldn't dream of bringing that up with a woman i met in a club. But i have a female friend who i debate those areas with for hours.

 

[S1NN3R]

Get ready for the cheesy stuff.....

I was dating this girl once who was very into astrology, her mother had written two books on scientific application to astrology, and her grandmother was a fairly popular astrologist in California. I was reading a letter (which I still have to this day) that this girl had written to me one day after a bit of a row we'd had. She brought up that she had been very frustrated with me lately and had asked her grondmother for advice. She wrote.....

You always have your head up in the clouds, thinking about lofty ideals and how to save the damned world instead of how to make me happy here at home. Sometimes I feel like you care more about people you've never met and never will meet than you do about me, and I'm right here for you. I want you here sometimes too. I told my gram about this and asked her what I should do to keep you here in reality more instead up flying up so high all of the time. She told me, "You don't have to stay airborne indefinitely. Just meet him up there from time to time, and he'll be prepared to meet you, too, from time to time, on the earth and in the realm of the heart." I don't think I'll ever forget that. I think she's right. So I'll try my best, ok?

I'm copying this from the original letter here too. Even if you don't give a damn about astrology, it's still good advice. Rather than worrying about bringing yourself down to meet her all of the time, try to bring her up with you occasionally.

 

[Hawke]

Not bad advice at all.