Bringing A Guy Friend With? /Sigh

[joverby]

So my bands playing at this camp ground tonight. I invited this girl I met off Match.com to meet me out there. I can't really blame her because we have only communicated through text , so not a lot of rapport has been established.

She just texted me "Hey ____ I'll see you tonight. wanted to let you know that I'm bringing a guy friend with me......Didn't want that to be weird but all my lady friends are busy. How this is ok."(I'm sure she meant Hope* this is ok)

Not like you can really object to this type of thing anyway(while maintaining a frame at least). I do see it as a sign of respect that she aknowledges it and says she hopes it OK. Also I know not much rapport is established so she prob wants back-up. Can't blame her though also.

tldr; Can't blame her for bringing him. He is clearly friendzoned(I would assume) so wouldn't think he would be a threat in that regard. I was just thinking he could be a ****block. Wanted to know if / how anyone else handled this type of situation.

 

[gaspipe]

Ive dated dozens of women off match.com and other dating sites and have never had a girl specifically tell me she was bringing either a girl or guy friend along. Ive had several tell me to meet them at a club/bar which is fine because you always have the option of taking them somewhere else afterwards alone.

This is not a good sign and by doing that she is telling you that she considers you to be a friend and that there is no chance for a romantic connection.

Ask yourself, if you liked a chick would you bring someone else along on the date? Of course not.

Personally Id write her off and decline the offer and find someone who is nterested and wont waste your time.

 

[joverby]

Ive dated dozens of women off match.com and other dating sites and have never had a girl specifically tell me she was bringing either a girl or guy friend along. Ive had several tell me to meet them at a club/bar which is fine because you always have the option of taking them somewhere else afterwards alone.

This is not a good sign and by doing that she is telling you that she considers you to be a friend and that there is no chance for a romantic connection.

Ask yourself, if you liked a chick would you bring someone else along on the date? Of course not.

Personally Id write her off and decline the offer and find someone who is nterested and wont waste your time.

I wouldn't , no. But I'm not a chick that's scared of the potential to get raped or something either.

Not sure why she would talk to me off of Match and agree to meet up with me if she wanted me as a friend....Hmmm.

I appreciate your view but I'm not sure why she would bother coming if that's how she viewed me....Or why she would bother to tell me she was bringing a guy friend and hoped it wasn't weird.

More opinions? Feel free to rebuttle though. I've been dancing with my post limit though so I might not be able to reply.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

That's a date for your girl and that guy. Sounds like she's sh!t testing you. You better check her.

 

[joverby]

That's a date for your girl and that guy. Sounds like she's sh!t testing you. You better check her.

I was thinking the same about the tri-date. I actually had a reply text saved(was debating on sending / what to send)

"Hey that's fine. So long as he doesn't think he's on a date with me too "

Not sure how to check her, maybe you could reccommend something? It's true my last first date didn't bring anyone along. And this is a pretty public setting. Granted it's at a campground but still.

I figured I could always blow her off there if I really wanted to. But I really didn't feel like having to chill w/ this dude and her. Was just going to have her come back and chill w/ me and my band homies before / inbetween / after the sets.

(Was just thinking about it, and it's not an official "date date" I guess. It's more like I"m doing this on X date, you should meet me out type things. Kind of like meeting a chick out at a bar and her being w/ friends. So I think we may be overly worried about the friend? Because I probably wouldn't be as critical if it was a chick.

 

[Aaron B]

I probably wouldn't reply to the txt at all and see if she says anything else about it

 

[joverby]

its not ok, and you should tell her that its not

Ya, she was asking if it was OK.

Do you not think it would come off as insecure / controlling for me to tell some girl who I have just been talking to through text(no relationship really built yet) that she can't bring a friend with?

Like I said I don't feel like I'd even double take it if it was a chick. So I think I'm going to send the text and see what happens.

Wish some vets would've posted here.

 

[Aaron B]

why are you going to be dishonest with her?

"hey that's fine"

is it really fine with you?

 

[Tortendieb]

Well it sucks, because it's going to be a long-winded affair. You'd first have to win the favour of the friend before you can start anything with her. It is a little insult, because it will make your date just that much harder for you. But you never know what will happen, so go there and find out... maybe they're actually really cool people.

You could have at least told her that you thought it was just going to be the two of you. Then she would at least need to justify herself. You met on a dating site, what else can you do than go on a date? Then if her excuse actually makes sense you can still say it's fine... obviously it was not fine from the start.

 

[joverby]

Ya, it does /did bug me Aaron. So valid point. But aren't there times in our lives that some things make us angry but we know logically we really shouldn't be? So we keep our mouths shut?

I doubt I'll get so lucky Tort... But I'll see what happens I guess. Not going to overly try TBH.

But since it is a "she is just meeting me" there type thing. I can go off and do my own thing w/ my band mates if I want to and not feel any remorse.

 

[bigneil]

I wouldn't worry about it at all. You'll be in the band. She figures lots of girls will be there and doesn't want to be alone. The last 2 girlfriends I had I met at a bar while they were with one other person who was a (jealous) guy. Be cool to him. Shake his hand and introduce yourself and see whether her body language favors you (for example if you both are on either side of her she will cross her far leg toward the man she likes best).

 

[Tortendieb]

I'm sorry I didn't completely read your OP post. Your band's playing and she's coming with friends. That's completely ok, it'll be a huge social gathering anyway.

If you arrange a 1on1 date and she brings a friend, THEN it's a foul. Like this is 100% ok. It's a huge party, so everybody's busy talking to somebody, you can still have relative privacy. Introduce the guy to some of your own friends, then you can be alone with her.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

I think everyone has the wrong idea here.. If this is the first time hanging out with her, she's bringing this guy so she feels more comfortable going to see you and maybe doesn't want to stand alone at the show.

She recognized that this may not be cool and she's showing you respect by letting you know what's up. Don't act like a d1ck to her about it, act cool.. Introduce yourself to the dude and make friends with him too.

I'm sure the dude she's bringing is legit just a friend.. Or he's an orbiter that got LJBF'd.. What kind of dude would go on a date with his girl to a concert to see someone's band play that she met from match.com? That would be totally weird.

She probably wants to build comfortable rapport with you.. and it's easier to do that with friends around. I'm way more relaxed around a girl if my friends are there and we're all having fun.

Hope it goes well for you.

 

[zekko]

Yeah, it's not a date, she's going to see the OP's band play.
I'm sure she didn't want to go alone, and she said all her girl friends were busy.
And the OP just met the girl, so there's no exclusivity anyway.

If it was a date I'd take it as red flag. But since it sounds like she's just wanting some company, I'd probably give it a pass. Could be something to watch out for in the future though (if she makes this sort of thing a habit, I'd get rid of her).

She could end up going home with the OP at the end of the night and letting the other guy go do whatever, who knows? Let us know how it goes, joverby.

 

[joverby]

Ya, you guys are/were right. I was way over thinking it.

It didn't really work out to well though. I was pretty drunk and really busy the entire time(until after we were done)

After one of our sets I was sitting on the stage talking to my buddies and she walked up and introduced herself. We just talked for a couple minutes and the singer interrupted me because I had to sign a T-Shirt.

So good thing to be interrupted for I guess. I told her I would go find her after I signed it. After I signed it we had to get back up on stage almost immediately, so I didn't get to.

I know she's not much of a night owl, she ended up leaving during our last or second to last set I"m not sure, wasn't really keeping tabs.(Alcohol didn't help in this light)

I checked my phone when I was done and she sent "I'm scared." So I called her up to talk / say sorry I didn't get a chance to find her. She said she sent that because she couldn't find me at one time.(There was a lot of people) She also told me not to apologize because she figured it would be like that(hence the friend) But I suggested we get together soon when we can actually talk / hang out and she agreed.

Probably will be giving her a call tomorrow to try to set something up. Thanks for your help.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

You check her by just saying no that you are fine.

On a side note I don't understand why you would invite her to something so impersonal like that. First time I talk to a girl I'm setting up something personal where we can get rapport/comfort. Seems to me like your putting your own self in the friend zone.

 

[joverby]

Well, I figured that there was going to be a lot of time before / after / in between the show to talk to her. Lesson learned I guess. Don't really see myself getting in the friend zone because of it but I"ll find out when I talk to her again I guess.

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

You check her by just saying no that you are fine.

On a side note I don't understand why you would invite her to something so impersonal like that. First time I talk to a girl I'm setting up something personal where we can get rapport/comfort. Seems to me like your putting your own self in the friend zone.

Exactly.

If your intention is to sleep with her, then invite her for coffee. 1 on 1.

 

[Vice]

Holy crap guys. Now I see why alot of the more experienced guys don't post on here much. Lots of overanalyzing.

She brought him along because she's a GIRL. She didn't want to meet someone she met on the internet alone. She doesn't know who the OP is.

[Note that I wrote the above before reading past the initial three posts]

 

[bigneil]

I was pretty drunk

On a first date she shows up and you are intoxicated? No wonder why it didn't work out. She should have said goodbye. Trust me I've been there and I will never make that mistake again.