Hey Ya'll!
I've been a lurker for a few months and I have to say this site is pretty inspiring to say the least. I'm 37 and have been an AFC "nice guy" wuss for most of my life. Most of my relationships were always a few dates then the next thing I knew it was 2 years later and she was breaking up with me or, would get the LJBF talk.
My dating life has been pretty non existent since moving to a this new city (20 miles north of Atlanta) from NYC. I moved here about 3 years ago and being in a new city had no friends, family, or any social circle whatsoever. The only friends I do have are the work friends that are my age but, at different points in life then me. Married, kids, etc...
When I first got here I dated 4 women in the first 11 months of being here and then I just kinda stopped...Had zero sex drive, confidence, energy, nothing....
Like a moron I did nothing about it and just figured (im getting old so this **** happens)...
Then about 1 year ago (36 years old) I went to my endocrinologist (I'm a type 1 diabetic since 17) and he did some blood work on me and told me I had the test level of a 70 year old man. LOL. I started taking TRT about 1 year ago and I feel way better and over the last 6-8 months or so have been improving myself, having fun, bought a motorcycle (mid life **** i guess), and what not. I'm now able to look myself in the mirror in the morning and just have that feeling of "I love this guy" mentality again.
So, about 6 months ago I woke up one morning and said to myself...Why am I not going after women and why is it when I do I always get the LJBF talk? I started researching all types of things from approaching women, body language, teasing (hence my other post), and tons of other information. What I began to realize was I was definitely giving off the AFC/nice guy vibes my entire life. I started looking at friends that have always been very very good with women and noticed that they did A LOT of things that folks here do and have the same mentality. I decided that morning, I was going to change my outlook on dating and women overall.
I met a 26yr old woman that lives close to me (about 2 months ago). I didn't act like an AFC but, I instead started to be ****y, aggressive, dominant, use body language, EC and anything else I could muster the guts to do. And the next thing I knew she was chasing me like crazy. Now the problem I saw was that I was not too attracted to her and my "nice guy" morals started to kick in but I ignored them. Maybe that's why I was able to have that IDGAF attitude which led to her chasing.../shrug
There is also this woman (31) that I met about a year ago at dogpark (different woman then the one I mentioned in other post) that I would see once in awhile. Our dogs are like BFFs when they see each other. I've had her number for quite some time (about 9 months) so that we could have "play dates" with our dogs at the park. Recently, about a month or so ago I was there and she came there and was talking to me about her lease and some other BS and she seemed like she was interested/attracted. So, as we were leaving the park I just asked her out and she seemed excited. This was about 1 month ago. Like a moron, I revert back to my typical nice guy self and take her out to get a drink/dinner. Open doors, pull out chair, always leaning in, don't lead, take no action to initiate physical contact, etc...
She seems very conservative and religous which is fine but, overall...I liked her...So, after the date we get back and she doesn't invite me in so I just give her a quick kiss on lips. Our second date was about 1 week later. During the week we texted but, never really talked on phone. Seems to be a thing now that texting is taking precedence over talking? We went to a driving range. Had a blast. Hand holding, kissing, felt good. Drive her back to place and she doesn't invite me in again so another kiss and a good night.
I don't text or call her for about 3-4 days because I knew she was busy having her cousin in town from texas. I get a txt from her one day asking if I wanted to meet her and her cousin for dinner in Atlanta so I say sure and meet them at this restaurant. Have a good time again and she tells me that she is going out of town for the week on a family vacation so im like cool...don't miss me too much...we go back and forth through texting over the next day or so and then she goes away on her vacation
I don't text or call and then on Monday I get a pic from her saying happy Monday from the beach...I respond saying im jealous that she is getting to relax on a beach in 90 degree weather...we go back and forth via txting over the next few days then there is NC for about 4 days.
I ask her if she wants to get together again (through txts) and she says yes...setup date/time/etc...I get a txt from her during the day of the night (tues) we were supposed to go out and it said "im excited to see you tonight!"...I responded with some AFC reply like "Me too, I like spending time with you"...we go out that night...good time, hand holding again, then when I walk her to her door she asks "you can come in and say hello to dog for a second if you want?"...so i was like "ya sure"...I go inside...play around with her dog who is going nuts seeing me...I get good EC and a full out makeout session happens...My hands start wandering and she kind of brushes them away and then when we break she looks at me and just says goodnight...i felt like I shouldn't be too aggressive so I left it at that and left (wussed out i suppose)...As, I was making my way out I asked her if she wanted to do something later in the week (mistake on my part now that I've been looking at things differently) and she invites me to come out with her friends on Friday night to a rooftop bar for drinks and dinner...she says its going to be a mixed crowd of a few couples and a few singles...
No texting or calls until Friday afternoon...She asks me "if im still going to come out with her and her friends"...I say, that I want to see her so I'm in...I drive the 2 of us...I meet her friends (a few were pretty hot)...have a good time...her friends seem very nice...I made sure not to give this girl any compliments that night because I knew my AFC ways were going to rear their ugly head which of course they did eventually...We are waiting for valet with her friends in front and she is holding my hand and leaning on my shoulder...I crack a few jokes in front of them and they laugh but, I definitely could tell that she loves being around her friends...A LOT
Get back to drop her off and she invites me in again...her dog goes nuts as usual...she is chasing her around her apt trying to calm her down...She is showing me some stuff and I just grab her and pull her in for a make out session...we get a bit more hot then last time and I start grabbing her ass and when I break for breath...she tells me good night again...In my head im like "wtf"...So, like a moron I ask her if im being too much for her, and that where she was at with seeing me...typical dumb **** to say...she says she likes spending time with me but, she is not looking for anything exclusive or serious and i was like "ok, that's cool"...she was like "I wouldn't ask you to hang out with my friends if I wasn't into you"...etc...So again, like a moron I ask her what she was doing after her wedding shower she was going to on Saturday and she said she didn't know what time she was plannign on being back...I was like "well I have plans during the day but, If you want to come over and watch a flick or, take dogs for a walk just lmk"...
After I got back to my apt I realized i ****ed up...lol...I just had the gut feeling that the LJBF talk was coming since I've felt and done this before...and of course its only with women I actually felt good about.
I get a txt from her on Saturday night that she just got home and is tired and is not up for anything but, asked if I wanted to get together one night next week...I responded with "ok, thats cool...i already made plans to go out tonight...next week sounds good"
So there is NC at all from either of us...On wednesday...I was walking my dog during lunch time and saw her at the pool with her friend and she waved so I waved back...Then on way back to work I texted her saying i was jealous that she got to hang at the pool during a great day (she is a teacher so she just started her summer break until mid july)...I asked her via txt if she was still up for getting together one night that week...she said she had plans that night and also plans for thursday but, her friend was having people for a bbq at her pool on the 4th if I wanted to join them...I said sure...
4th comes...I go with her to her friends apt complex...hang out...drink a little...I could tell something was "off" with her though...spend a good 5 hours there and then go back to our apt complex...She says she is going to take a nap and that her friend will come pick me up at 7:45pm or so with her to go watch fireworks at a park...They come get me...have fun watching the fireworks and we head back...she seems pretty tired since she usually doesn't drink and when her
friend pulls in front of my apt I see her getting out as well...In my head i was like "ok, maybe my gut was wrong"...i invite her in and that's when i get the LJBF talk...She said she couldn't get past being friends and she tried but, couldn't...It was disappointing for me for a little (like 12 hours or so) but, i take it as a learning exp...Being that we didn't do the deed I don't think it would be too awkward if I saw her and her dog...and there has been NC since Friday...
What are some glaring AFC/Nice guy things that I did? Keep in mind, im trying to better myself so just call it like it is.
I've been a lurker for a few months and I have to say this site is pretty inspiring to say the least. I'm 37 and have been an AFC "nice guy" wuss for most of my life. Most of my relationships were always a few dates then the next thing I knew it was 2 years later and she was breaking up with me or, would get the LJBF talk.
My dating life has been pretty non existent since moving to a this new city (20 miles north of Atlanta) from NYC. I moved here about 3 years ago and being in a new city had no friends, family, or any social circle whatsoever. The only friends I do have are the work friends that are my age but, at different points in life then me. Married, kids, etc...
When I first got here I dated 4 women in the first 11 months of being here and then I just kinda stopped...Had zero sex drive, confidence, energy, nothing....
Like a moron I did nothing about it and just figured (im getting old so this **** happens)...
Then about 1 year ago (36 years old) I went to my endocrinologist (I'm a type 1 diabetic since 17) and he did some blood work on me and told me I had the test level of a 70 year old man. LOL. I started taking TRT about 1 year ago and I feel way better and over the last 6-8 months or so have been improving myself, having fun, bought a motorcycle (mid life **** i guess), and what not. I'm now able to look myself in the mirror in the morning and just have that feeling of "I love this guy" mentality again.
So, about 6 months ago I woke up one morning and said to myself...Why am I not going after women and why is it when I do I always get the LJBF talk? I started researching all types of things from approaching women, body language, teasing (hence my other post), and tons of other information. What I began to realize was I was definitely giving off the AFC/nice guy vibes my entire life. I started looking at friends that have always been very very good with women and noticed that they did A LOT of things that folks here do and have the same mentality. I decided that morning, I was going to change my outlook on dating and women overall.
I met a 26yr old woman that lives close to me (about 2 months ago). I didn't act like an AFC but, I instead started to be ****y, aggressive, dominant, use body language, EC and anything else I could muster the guts to do. And the next thing I knew she was chasing me like crazy. Now the problem I saw was that I was not too attracted to her and my "nice guy" morals started to kick in but I ignored them. Maybe that's why I was able to have that IDGAF attitude which led to her chasing.../shrug
There is also this woman (31) that I met about a year ago at dogpark (different woman then the one I mentioned in other post) that I would see once in awhile. Our dogs are like BFFs when they see each other. I've had her number for quite some time (about 9 months) so that we could have "play dates" with our dogs at the park. Recently, about a month or so ago I was there and she came there and was talking to me about her lease and some other BS and she seemed like she was interested/attracted. So, as we were leaving the park I just asked her out and she seemed excited. This was about 1 month ago. Like a moron, I revert back to my typical nice guy self and take her out to get a drink/dinner. Open doors, pull out chair, always leaning in, don't lead, take no action to initiate physical contact, etc...
She seems very conservative and religous which is fine but, overall...I liked her...So, after the date we get back and she doesn't invite me in so I just give her a quick kiss on lips. Our second date was about 1 week later. During the week we texted but, never really talked on phone. Seems to be a thing now that texting is taking precedence over talking? We went to a driving range. Had a blast. Hand holding, kissing, felt good. Drive her back to place and she doesn't invite me in again so another kiss and a good night.
I don't text or call her for about 3-4 days because I knew she was busy having her cousin in town from texas. I get a txt from her one day asking if I wanted to meet her and her cousin for dinner in Atlanta so I say sure and meet them at this restaurant. Have a good time again and she tells me that she is going out of town for the week on a family vacation so im like cool...don't miss me too much...we go back and forth through texting over the next day or so and then she goes away on her vacation
I don't text or call and then on Monday I get a pic from her saying happy Monday from the beach...I respond saying im jealous that she is getting to relax on a beach in 90 degree weather...we go back and forth via txting over the next few days then there is NC for about 4 days.
I ask her if she wants to get together again (through txts) and she says yes...setup date/time/etc...I get a txt from her during the day of the night (tues) we were supposed to go out and it said "im excited to see you tonight!"...I responded with some AFC reply like "Me too, I like spending time with you"...we go out that night...good time, hand holding again, then when I walk her to her door she asks "you can come in and say hello to dog for a second if you want?"...so i was like "ya sure"...I go inside...play around with her dog who is going nuts seeing me...I get good EC and a full out makeout session happens...My hands start wandering and she kind of brushes them away and then when we break she looks at me and just says goodnight...i felt like I shouldn't be too aggressive so I left it at that and left (wussed out i suppose)...As, I was making my way out I asked her if she wanted to do something later in the week (mistake on my part now that I've been looking at things differently) and she invites me to come out with her friends on Friday night to a rooftop bar for drinks and dinner...she says its going to be a mixed crowd of a few couples and a few singles...
No texting or calls until Friday afternoon...She asks me "if im still going to come out with her and her friends"...I say, that I want to see her so I'm in...I drive the 2 of us...I meet her friends (a few were pretty hot)...have a good time...her friends seem very nice...I made sure not to give this girl any compliments that night because I knew my AFC ways were going to rear their ugly head which of course they did eventually...We are waiting for valet with her friends in front and she is holding my hand and leaning on my shoulder...I crack a few jokes in front of them and they laugh but, I definitely could tell that she loves being around her friends...A LOT
Get back to drop her off and she invites me in again...her dog goes nuts as usual...she is chasing her around her apt trying to calm her down...She is showing me some stuff and I just grab her and pull her in for a make out session...we get a bit more hot then last time and I start grabbing her ass and when I break for breath...she tells me good night again...In my head im like "wtf"...So, like a moron I ask her if im being too much for her, and that where she was at with seeing me...typical dumb **** to say...she says she likes spending time with me but, she is not looking for anything exclusive or serious and i was like "ok, that's cool"...she was like "I wouldn't ask you to hang out with my friends if I wasn't into you"...etc...So again, like a moron I ask her what she was doing after her wedding shower she was going to on Saturday and she said she didn't know what time she was plannign on being back...I was like "well I have plans during the day but, If you want to come over and watch a flick or, take dogs for a walk just lmk"...
After I got back to my apt I realized i ****ed up...lol...I just had the gut feeling that the LJBF talk was coming since I've felt and done this before...and of course its only with women I actually felt good about.
I get a txt from her on Saturday night that she just got home and is tired and is not up for anything but, asked if I wanted to get together one night next week...I responded with "ok, thats cool...i already made plans to go out tonight...next week sounds good"
So there is NC at all from either of us...On wednesday...I was walking my dog during lunch time and saw her at the pool with her friend and she waved so I waved back...Then on way back to work I texted her saying i was jealous that she got to hang at the pool during a great day (she is a teacher so she just started her summer break until mid july)...I asked her via txt if she was still up for getting together one night that week...she said she had plans that night and also plans for thursday but, her friend was having people for a bbq at her pool on the 4th if I wanted to join them...I said sure...
4th comes...I go with her to her friends apt complex...hang out...drink a little...I could tell something was "off" with her though...spend a good 5 hours there and then go back to our apt complex...She says she is going to take a nap and that her friend will come pick me up at 7:45pm or so with her to go watch fireworks at a park...They come get me...have fun watching the fireworks and we head back...she seems pretty tired since she usually doesn't drink and when her
friend pulls in front of my apt I see her getting out as well...In my head i was like "ok, maybe my gut was wrong"...i invite her in and that's when i get the LJBF talk...She said she couldn't get past being friends and she tried but, couldn't...It was disappointing for me for a little (like 12 hours or so) but, i take it as a learning exp...Being that we didn't do the deed I don't think it would be too awkward if I saw her and her dog...and there has been NC since Friday...
What are some glaring AFC/Nice guy things that I did? Keep in mind, im trying to better myself so just call it like it is.
