Brief hello and a LTR question: How to end it?

[Pillag3r]

wtf?.....a good friend of mine said the same thing to me that you just did....that I actually like what I'm going through. Ya...the constant feeling of being trapped and unhappy is just all too wonderful...

I don't feel powerful...i feel like a piece of shyt because what I want to do is going to put a person I care about through hell. I know that i'm the one who matters...but that doesnt make it any easier.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

wtf?.....a good friend of mine said the same thing to me that you just did....that I actually like what I'm going through. Ya...the constant feeling of being trapped and unhappy is just all too wonderful...

I don't feel powerful...i feel like a piece of shyt because what I want to do is going to put a person I care about through hell. I know that i'm the one who matters...but that doesnt make it any easier.

You may not be addicted to the struggle but there's some underlying payoff you are getting for putting it off. It could be as simple of not wanting to hurt her feelings or not wanting to feel the guilt of sending her packing now instead of sooner. Whatever it is, you're delaying following through for a reason none the less.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

wtf?.....a good friend of mine said the same thing to me that you just did....that I actually like what I'm going through. Ya...the constant feeling of being trapped and unhappy is just all too wonderful...

Boo hoo hoo. Now you sound like you really like the feeling of playing the victim, a payoff for people who are addicted to their struggles.

I don't feel powerful...i feel like a piece of shyt because what I want to do is going to put a person I care about through hell. I know that i'm the one who matters...but that doesnt make it any easier.

One of the characteristics of the "Nice Guy". Why is she gonna go through hell?

You are sounding like woman the more this thread continues. She deserves to get the chance to grow and mature. What gives you the right to deny it to her.

 

[Pillag3r]

Francisco, to be completely honest, both of those reasons are exactly why I'm having such a difficult time with this. But that doesn't mean that I enjoy it.

 

[bigjohnson]

If the roles were reversed, and most men here will agree, a woman would have no problem dropping her needy, boring, nice guy, borefriend if she realized there was more to her than her current situation.

But then she'd really be able to tell her girlfriends how broken up she is about it. :crackup:

Stay away from any specific examples because all that will do is give her points to argue against. Go in there with a plan and execute.

This is for sure and for certain. In addition, when you give her the news she's gonna ask for not just specific examples but specific sorts of THINGS she does or other things that bother you. Deflect this - it's not fixable and trying to distill a systemic problem down to a set symptoms is pointless.

I've actually said "That's a pointless discussion because then we'd be trying to solve an incurable problem my fixing a few symptoms" or words to that effect.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Francisco, to be completely honest, both of those reasons are exactly why I'm having such a difficult time with this. But that doesn't mean that I enjoy it.

I was pretty sure that you weren't enjoying it, but there was a definite reason you weren't dealing with it. In an attempt to protect your ego, you're sacrificing your relationship and this woman. For someone who's concerned about her outcome, you need to consider how being in a relationship which is (unbeknown to her) a sham is effecting her.

 

[Pillag3r]

I'm sorry gangster, I didnt know there was a problem with actually caring for another human being...

Perhaps if you read the first post, you would have seen that we live together and she cant support herself. (IE: Breaking up with her is throwing her on the street.) She is also going through other financial and family problems at the moment...so ya...it makes it all the more difficult.

Francisco: I appreciate all your words of wisdom.

 

[bigjohnson]

It's always going to be something. Sorry, but that's a fact. It's NEVER a "GOOD TIME" dude. Stop stalling.

 

[Pillag3r]

It's always going to be something. Sorry, but that's a fact. It's NEVER a "GOOD TIME" dude. Stop stalling.

I know...I know....:kick:

 

[sexybeast]

Right just for the credibility, I have been in your shoes... in fact even worse we had a 1 year baby together, living at my place.

MAN UP. she would drop you like a stone if the shoe was on the other foot. Stop being a puss and tell her how it is FF'S.