breakup or makeup?

[3rdeye]

First off i just want to say thank you for all for the usefull information on this site!

I havent been here in over 2 years, although i still get weekly messages sent to my e-mail account, that i continue to read.

Most of you already know the reason why i havent been here for over 2 years. After all a relationship takes up alot of time, so does school, work, and friends.

These were/and are my current goals. except one is failing/failed. i'll explain more.

Yes the relationship that i was in for the last 2 years came to a grinding halt last sunday night.

the break/breakup was a shocker and pain is stronger then i have ever felt before. Surprisingly even to myself i have been able to keep my head on straight with only one day in the dumps (monday april28). I have been going through fast transitions. I know i will get over this but i have a few lose ends to tidy up.

And this is why im here. i have read most of the DJ bible in the past and re-fresh once and a while, although i pick an choose what suits my personallity best.

The DJ bible has shaped me into the person who i am today. And im proud of it.

This relationship in question that is on the brink had only one big issue. It has come down to age. I am 26 in a couple of months she is 21 next month.

I will occasionally go to bars/clubs with her but not as much as when i was younger. She loves to go to bars. Even more now since more of her friends are now into their legal drinking age (19). I also encouraged her to go even when i wasnt in the mood to be at a club. i dont have a problem with her going. One week ago today (wed april23) was one of her friends birthday party at a local club. To my surprised i wasnt even invited. I asked why, she told me it was going to be a girls night.

I later found out that my best friend was invited and other guys i knew were invited via facebook.

So i Questioned her again about why i was not invited to which she replied

"i didnt know guys were invited"

i gave her the benefit of doubt. her firend put the invites out via facebook. After a couple of days things quickly deteriated between us, conversations only led to arguments. so bad infact i told her to leave. I have to admit i lost my cool, and what i did next was unlike anything i have ever done. i have her password for things such as hotmail, facebook, and anyother web site she belongs to. that is how open we are.

Out of anger i decided to check her facebook account (big mistake) but a vital piece of rock solid evidence. i checked her messages, she usually deleats all her sent messages, which was the case. but she never even knew the messages still save on the incoming messages which is almost a duplicate to sent messages provided the contact replies back.

i found a message that goes like this :





jason @#@$

8:28am Apr 5th
Hey there! sorry for the late texting last night, i was at a party and couldnt hear my phone half the time. so i assume you recieved them all lol. so that was a surprise, allthough it was almost like the last time we spoke haha.which i think is pretty sweet, and blunt but i like. so what do you wanna do? you wanna do coffee and chill somewhere soon? let me know k hun
xoxo (you can put those anywhere u wish) BYE!!!



Jen &*((^%

5:29pm Apr 6th
hey you!! whats new haha i was at (club) as per normal lol! thats like my second home but yes we should definatly meet up soon! i will call you soon wink wink lol i know i am very blunt! but were those messages just the e talkin or do u mean it lol? cause it would be like old times you know! awsome! lol message me again on here but only private messages cause you know... u have a gf and my bf you know the whole jelously thing so only private one! talk to you soon! wink wink! you hot by the way! talk to you soon hun! xoxo
Sending message... Reply:Attach:remove



Wow and this happened almost a month before her friends birthday.

So Sunday rolls along and she called me up so that we can talk things out. She tells me that she dosnt want to fight anymore.

i agree, but i told her i have a confession to make.

i told her about the facebook messages, at first she got mad at me.

I quickly cut her off and tell her what was she thinking.

she only dumbly replies "i was drunk and it meant nothing" and "he was high on e, and meant nothing of it."

I didnt buy it. I asked her if she ever cheated on me. she said no. this i belive because of the look in her eye. she never met up with this guy after these messages. i belive her because i was with her most of the time (april 6-27), and i can tell when she is lying. this i feel i dont need to prove to you guys. i knew in my gut she didnt cheat on me.

But i do belive it would be only a matter of time.



(sorry for compressing this story. i just didnt know where to begin. If any of this story seems unclear ask me to fill in the blanks)



My million dollar question to all you is whats would you do?



keep in mind a few things. the duration we have been goin out for. the compatiblity, the fact that she didnt cheat...

she was a great girl untill this. even though it wasnt cheating, it was too close for comfort.



Heres what i have been doing so far.

after telling her about the message i saw on facebook i told her to leave and that ill call her when im ready to. Untill then we are not goin to see each other.

so far ive held true to my word. We talked lastnight, she told me how sorry she was for making me feel this way. (she still wont give me any real reason why she said those things in those messages?!)

I told her i was hurt and that i wont be able to trust her like i used to. ive packed up all her belongings that she had at my house and are sitting in the corner of my room untill i reach my final decision. (sunday may4) is the day we have the final talk.



Please feel free to offer me any advice or guidence

im still torn about my decision... i will keep you all posted in the next few days.

thanks again sosuave.com i owe you!

 

[theunflushables]

Wow, sorry things went down like that man.

As much it might not be the answer you want to hear, don't try to get back with her. The whole breakup will be hanging above your heads. You gotta move on man. Good luck.

 

[Wodan]

Ive experienced the behaviour before, you know deep down that she isnt willing to be completely honest and that she's willing to do things behind your back in secret. Im really sorry about it though but its better you find out now than in another 2 years. good luck

 

[3rdeye]

Ive experienced the behaviour before, you know deep down that she isnt willing to be completely honest and that she's willing to do things behind your back in secret. Im really sorry about it though but its better you find out now than in another 2 years. good luck

I agree with you.
im just looking for a way to come out of this as the "man" i rarely lose my cool and im not goin to lose it over a girl.
im just looking to avoid giving her the friends speach and eventually stop talking to her.
but in the mean while i want to be composed and say what i have to with out slamming the door like a little boy.

 

[typical]

Damn man that sucks hard.

Bro all I can say is your 25 your way of thinking is always going to be different to how she is going to be thinking, even though you dated her for a very very long time.

You know what you have to do so just push that afc boy back down and do it.

ie. Sunday when she comes, apologize for reading her facebook comments, tell her you trusted her and she abused that trust you can not and will not have a relationship with a person that you can not fully and with you whole heart trust, then end it, no ifs or buts or maybes ......... hardest thing to do but lets just call it the true part of being a dj "the ability to move on without regret and remorse"

In my oppinion I dont believe anyone can be that drunk to say things to another person and not have control over it and you and I both know women use that excuse to cover up what they really want to happen.

"I was drunk it just happened" doesn't cut it.

The thing is today you busted her with "talking to the guy at the club" next time it could be worse, you don't want that pain trust me.

EDIT : also try and be as calm and smooth as you can be you have a few days to think about what to say if she wants to talk sweet if not cut it short and let her go, she's young so let her go and go get a girl with a bit more integrity

 

[3rdeye]

right from the heart. good reply man.
your saying pretty much what i couldnt put into words, thanks for the advice.
and i fully agree about the drunk thing, to me it show the true personality of a person whether they admit it to themselfs or not, the truth shines through.

 

[Wodan]

I agree with you.
im just looking for a way to come out of this as the "man" i rarely lose my cool and im not goin to lose it over a girl.
im just looking to avoid giving her the friends speach and eventually stop talking to her.
but in the mean while i want to be composed and say what i have to with out slamming the door like a little boy.

Thanks, your more experienced than me so im guessing your really well equipped for this anyways , just i know the 'feeling' or how the feeling is clouded by emotion rather in this situation.

Just thought you needed someone to second the thought you already have because otherwise its easy to fool yourself and let things carry on, I know id like it.

Anyways all i can say is try not to think about her much in between now and when you next speak, I know youve been together a long time and stuff but she needs to be dumped and it will only build the emotions up even more.

 

[Max Power]

More evidence why guys shouldn't tolerate their women in so-called committed relationships to go clubbin'.

Dude, the "I was drunk he was on E" excuse doesn't explain the behaviour in those FB messages, which I note she responded to at 5:30 in the afternoon.

She was definitely up to something.

If she didn't **** him she was probably going to.

Do you think you deserve to be treated like this? The answer is no.

 

[3rdeye]

More evidence why guys shouldn't tolerate their women in so-called committed relationship go clubbin'.

what are you talking about???
are you not comfortable with your woman on her own?
This was a trust test of her personality. She failed. i move on. lesson learned.
i went to clubs with my guy friends without her at least once a month.
i didnt cheat, only flirted. which is a natural human instinct. i have self control i wanted to trust she did to.
the way your thinking is never goin to build a solid relationship. rethink before you type or go back to the good book.
thanks for coming out though.

 

[Max Power]

And another thing.

You should send a thank you note to Facebook because it helped confirm red flags about the "girl's night out" and it provided you with incriminating evidence of her talking to a hot guy. People used to have to pay thousands of dollars to detectives for this ****.

 

[typical]

what are you talking about???
are you not comfortable with your woman on her own?
This was a trust test of her personality. She failed. i move on. lesson learned.
i went to clubs with my guy friends without her at least once a month.
i didnt cheat, only flirted. which is a natural human instinct. i have self control i wanted to trust she did to.
the way your thinking is never goin to build a solid relationship. rethink before you type or go back to the good book.
thanks for coming out though.

See guys this man here knows a lot, and he still got burnt but he's got the mental strength to deal with it, but like everyone he just needs a little push not a lecture

 

[Max Power]

what are you talking about???
are you not comfortable with your woman on her own?
.

Every now and then it's okay, but regularly that's a red flag. And dude, that email you found on Facebook is the just the ones you know about.

 

[Max Power]

That being said, I also think you are handling the aftermath well and trust you will make the right decision.

 

[3rdeye]

And another thing.

You should send a thank you note to Facebook because it helped confirm red flags about the "girl's night out" and it provided you with incriminating evidence of her talking to a hot guy. People used to have to pay thousands of dollars to detectives for this ****.

are you joking? did u just overlook everything else i wrote about?
thanks for coming out and sticking to the real issue.
The positive that came out of this was the expieriance i leanred in the last 2 years, ie : better lover, better communicater NOT BEING A JADDED WOMAN HATER. thats the last thing i want to be. I like vagina wayyyy too much to act that way!

 

[typical]

Ya true that women hater = very very bad thing.

If you cant let your women be herself then you are not yourself (take whatever meaning you want from it)

You date a girl to see if she's worth keeping, this time 3rdeye thought she was worth keeping but found out 2 years later that she aint all that she made out to be.

Hard lesson but hey good to get out now then later

Mabe the next lesson is learning that you can have many and be happy

 

[Max Power]

are you joking? did u just overlook everything else i wrote about?
thanks for coming out and sticking to the real issue.
The positive that came out of this was the expieriance i leanred in the last 2 years, ie : better lover, better communicater NOT BEING A JADDED WOMAN HATER. thats the last thing i want to be. I like vagina wayyyy too much to act that way!

I'm on your side, dude.

If I were your friend and your girlfriend was going clubbing regularly I would have warned you . . . and you would have accused me of being a woman hater. LOL.

Yeah, it's a delicate balance and if your girlfriend wants to go clubbing I guess there's really nothing you can do about it but just let the chips fall where they may, which is what you did.

Anyways, great post. More interesting than what's on TV.

 

[typical]

Ya I guess you could say the warning signs were there, (am I contradicting myself now ?)

And on a side note TV .... who watches that anymore ?

 

[3rdeye]

If I were your friend and your girlfriend was going clubbing regularly I would have warned you . . . and you would have accused me of being a woman hater. LOL.

Yeah, it's a delicate balance and if your girlfriend wants to go clubbing I guess there's really nothing you can do about it but just let the chips fall where they may, which is what you did.

Anyways, great post. More interesting than what's on TV.

i understand you mean well and thanks for the input.
but just let me ask you this.
your in a serious relationship. you hardly have time for the guys. what are your options.
you have to have a balance of gf and your boys, you have to spend time apart. its a healthy balance and the girls need girls time too. just as you want to hang out with the guys ie; poker, video games, excessive beer drinking, shooting the sh!t with the guys etc...
girls do their thing too.
or are you too jealous to let your girl out of your site? small sacrifce to spend quality time with your friends if you ask me.

besides i go to clubs without her id only be a hypocrite if i told her she couldnt too!

so in the end i dont understand what your trying to say.

 

[3rdeye]

So she came over lastnight, i gave her things back, and we said our goodbyes. it has been a big relief and i never knew how good it makes me feel. all day ive had nothing but a smile and i am happier now then i have been in a long time. thank you all for posting the usefull push that i needed to clear the emotional cloud that was hanging over my head. i am now one more step to being the man ive always wanted to be!
Thank you all. But i thank the Bible first.

 

[Max Power]

Congratulations and thanks for the update!