Breakup - How Over is it?

[guywhoneedshelp]

I know everyone will say "that's what they all say" when I say I was dating a nice, loyal, trustworthy, dedicated girl. But lately we broke up again because I was yelling at her, calling her a *****, calling her a loser, because she blew me off one day when I showed up to pick her up with tickets I had to an event. Because she never apologized for doing it I got really pissed next time we talked on the phone, and she said "I don't think we can fix this. Even if we do, like 2 weeks later it'll be an abusive relationship again." I told her "you really think this is an abusive relationship?" and she said yes, so I told her to hang up. She hung up and we haven't spoken since, this was monday night.

So I dunno if the girl lost interest, but it sounds like the "you're abusive" thing is just a cop-out, an excuse. The reason I feel this way is because for one, I wasn't being abusive, just yelling at her on the phone, saying F- you b!tch, and all that. And two, because I think if I really was abusive, women get a creamy sense of satisfaction when a man abuses them because it approves everything they've heard all their lives about men being a-holes, and this is a girl with divorced parents who lives with her Mom so you could only imagine her perception of men.

After she hung up monday night, I sent her some texts saying I'm willing to work it out if she is. She hasn't gotten back to me, so I'm assuming it's over. 13 month relationship down the drain. Should I just move on? Try to win her back? Wait for her to call?

 

[Vlad the Impaler]

It's over man, let her go.

 

[DJDamage]

So I dunno if the girl lost interest, but it sounds like the "you're abusive" thing is just a cop-out, an excuse. The reason I feel this way is because for one, I wasn't being abusive, just yelling at her on the phone, saying F- you b!tch, and all that.

http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/abusive

ABUSIVE

1. Characterized by improper or wrongful use: abusive utilization of public funds.
2. Using or containing insulting or coarse language: finally reprimanded the abusive colleague.
3. Causing physical injury to another: abusive punishment.
4. Relating to or practicing sexual abuse
---------------------------------------------------------------

Saying "fvck you b1tch" was a bad mistake on your part. It just reinforced the notion on her already low interest that she is right in letting you go. She did disrespect you (mainly due to low interests on her part) but the way you choose to handle it was kind sort of childish.

It wasn't working out, NEXT her and move on.

 

[nubian-knight]

I was in the exact same situation about a month or two into when me and my GF started being exclusive. Except my situation was much worse so listen closely how i fixed it.

First of all appoligize for swearing at her. Its never acceptable to treat someone like that even if they did something ****ty to you. Be the better person, then YOU have the power to decide if you want HER or not. By going crazy and swearing at her, she wont want you even though she did something wrong. By keeping cool you can dump her or keep her depending on how you see fit.

I was unbelivably cruel to my gf one night. She snuck out her car at 2am to drive me and my drunk friends home and when i asked her to come over for sex she said she couldnt cause its her moms car and she wasnt supose to have it. I snapped and in a drunken haze cussed at her like no tommarow. The next day she called me and said i was abusive (same thing) and she dint want to see me anymore. I appolgizied for what i did because it was wrong and pressed to work things out. She hung up on me.

This is where i stopped doing anything and where you should stop too. You said you want to work it out, you should appolgize then the balls in her court.

Anyway my gf called later that evening and said we should talk an to come to a party she was at. I said i dont know you dont want to be with me, why should i come. she hung up, but then caled me around 20 times throughout the night begging me to come. I eventually came and got a nice BJ at the party lol

Afterwards she said she was willing to take me back and i said no, you broke up with me i dont flip flop back and forth like nothing. I played that card for a bit and after a couple days she was begging to be my gf again which i chose to accept .


Do what i did and make the negative a positive. If however she doesnt inciate contact with you, let her go and find someone else

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

I was in the exact same situation about a month or two into when me and my GF started being exclusive. Except my situation was much worse so listen closely how i fixed it.

First of all appoligize for swearing at her. Its never acceptable to treat someone like that even if they did something ****ty to you. Be the better person, then YOU have the power to decide if you want HER or not. By going crazy and swearing at her, she wont want you even though she did something wrong. By keeping cool you can dump her or keep her depending on how you see fit.

I was unbelivably cruel to my gf one night. She snuck out her car at 2am to drive me and my drunk friends home and when i asked her to come over for sex she said she couldnt cause its her moms car and she wasnt supose to have it. I snapped and in a drunken haze cussed at her like no tommarow. The next day she called me and said i was abusive (same thing) and she dint want to see me anymore. I appolgizied for what i did because it was wrong and pressed to work things out. She hung up on me.

This is where i stopped doing anything and where you should stop too. You said you want to work it out, you should appolgize then the balls in her court.

Anyway my gf called later that evening and said we should talk an to come to a party she was at. I said i dont know you dont want to be with me, why should i come. she hung up, but then caled me around 20 times throughout the night begging me to come. I eventually came and got a nice BJ at the party lol

Afterwards she said she was willing to take me back and i said no, you broke up with me i dont flip flop back and forth like nothing. I played that card for a bit and after a couple days she was begging to be my gf again which i chose to accept .


Do what i did and make the negative a positive. If however she doesnt inciate contact with you, let her go and find someone else

This is fantastic. The idea of yes, making her want me again, and then making her REALLY want me by showing no signs of me being a d!ck to her, yet not accepting her back right away, sounds like a good idea.

I'm not going to contact her. I've apologized and she hasn't responded. When she does though, I'll apologize again, and try to talk to her in person about it. Maybe I'll get the BJ like you, (lol) but my main concern is to show her that I could actually love her again. We'll see if she ever contacts me...

 

[DJDamage]

I'm not going to contact her. I've apologized and she hasn't responded. When she does though, I'll apologize again, and try to talk to her in person about it. Maybe I'll get the BJ like you, (lol) but my main concern is to show her that I could actually love her again. We'll see if she ever contacts me...

and the insanity continues....

 

[AKA FLEX]

I know everyone will say "that's what they all say" when I say I was dating a nice, loyal, trustworthy, dedicated girl. But lately we broke up again because I was yelling at her, calling her a *****, calling her a loser, because she blew me off one day when I showed up to pick her up with tickets I had to an event. Because she never apologized for doing it I got really pissed next time we talked on the phone, and she said "I don't think we can fix this. Even if we do, like 2 weeks later it'll be an abusive relationship again." I told her "you really think this is an abusive relationship?" and she said yes, so I told her to hang up. She hung up and we haven't spoken since, this was monday night.

So I dunno if the girl lost interest, but it sounds like the "you're abusive" thing is just a cop-out, an excuse. The reason I feel this way is because for one, I wasn't being abusive, just yelling at her on the phone, saying F- you b!tch, and all that. And two, because I think if I really was abusive, women get a creamy sense of satisfaction when a man abuses them because it approves everything they've heard all their lives about men being a-holes, and this is a girl with divorced parents who lives with her Mom so you could only imagine her perception of men.

After she hung up monday night, I sent her some texts saying I'm willing to work it out if she is. She hasn't gotten back to me, so I'm assuming it's over. 13 month relationship down the drain. Should I just move on? Try to win her back? Wait for her to call?

Is this post a joke? If not, your screen name is a very accurate depiction. I'm all for racking up as much sex as possible with as many chicks as possible, but I draw the line way before abuse. Stick to masturbation until you learn how to treat a chick halfway decently.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I was yelling at her, calling her a *****, calling her a loser, because she blew me off one day when I showed up to pick her up with tickets I had to an event.


Do you remember the common advice about staying 'calm, cool, and collected?'

Next time that a girl blows you off, show no anger, and just take out a different girl instead.

 

[WC2]

Guywhoneedshelp,

It's over.

You know when you're making multiple posts asking, it's probably over.

You know when she loses interest, it's probably over.

You know when she starts ignoring you, it's probably over.

I think you know the truth.

For one last time, read joeker's post on breaks and then move on. It's for your own good.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

One last question. Before I completely move on I need to know that I did anything in my power to keep her. Should I send her a text today saying sorry for blowing up at her on the phone?

 

[Warrior74]

One last question. Before I completely move on I need to know that I did anything in my power to keep her. Should I send her a text today saying sorry for blowing up at her on the phone?

No you idiot! listen to people here who see clearer and know better than me and you both. Listen to them!

 

[Cartographer]

Unfortunately, what you were doing literally meets the definition of abuse. And I really don't mean to sound judgemental or overcritical, but is often also a sign of low self-esteem.

When one decides whether or not to try salvaging a relationship, one must ask if the relationship worked well for the most part. If the two of you simply do not get along to the point that you're yelling at her, calling her names, then I'd really strongly advise you to re-examine your relationship.

My last LTR ended because I made a bad call at the end, not because the relationship was bad. It was great, actually. I've gone through the soul-searching process involved in deciding whether or not to try again, and you need to be as objective as possible when examining the relationship. Was it really meant to be, or are you simply dealing with loss and rejection?

 

[DJDamage]

No you idiot! listen to people here who see clearer and know better than me and you both. Listen to them!

He is hopeless. He isn't looking for answers whether its over or not, he is looking for answers in how to fix this situation. He chooses what he wants to read to better fit his own ignorance and hide from reality.

Its ok really, whatever action that would be taken to try and get her back will unfortunately be short lived and he is just delaying the inevitable outcome. It would either be short and sweet over and done with, or he would be hanging on to pieces of scraps in a horrible relationship.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

Okay I stupidly sent her an apology text and to no surprise she hasn't responded.

Upon re-examining the relationship I realized there were a lot of things about her I really didn't like, but dealt with anyway hoping they would go away. However, one thing I did like, was that she was once so loving and I truly miss that.

By blowing her up on the phone, I realized there was a lot of anger fueling what I did and that there really were a lot of things about the relationship that made me mad. From her nutty parents, to her living 20 minutes out of the way and never having any transportation, to the fact that she never went to school and only works a cashier job once a week, things like this are what ultimately drained me physically and financially as well. The relationship probably wouldn't of worked out. I'm going back to school in a month to get another degree, and I'll be working full time 4PM - 12 while going to school during the day, with her not having a car or any ways to see me, meet me for lunch, etc, things would of faded eventually. I guess it's over.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Yes, it is over.
Let this be a lesson to you to stop using abusive language to nice, loyal, loving girls.
A girl with very low self esteem might stay in an abusive relationship, but a quality woman will NOT.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

I just thought it was normal to argue...she says F you, I say F you, the next day we talk about it and it's all better. But this time, I think she's gone. No, I no she's gone. I just cried my last tears, made my last stupid phone call, I'm starting therapy tomorrow so I'll get through it.

 

[bud_2005]

Shes got a point that is bordering on abusive. I'm thinking it may go deeper than what you told us.

 

[PRMoon]

Maybe the anger stems from you not liking her deep down. You probobly cried because you have a sense of loss like most men who loose things they believe to be their own. Maybe you should look inward and try building yourself up a little more before you concider either going back to or entering a new relationship.