breaks

[The Bat]

Bump.

Somehow we've had an influx of posters recently who've been dealt the "need more space" talk. Plus, it's one of the fundamental posts required to be read by an aspiring DJ in a relationship.

 

[decades]

You are extremely hurt by what happened but I would advise you NOT to say that stuff. I would not say a thing.

 

[decades]

Because #2 makes you look weak and needy. He got dumped. No two ways about it. You make the false assumption that when she calls she is "trying to come back". 95 times out of 100 she is not. If you vent to her when she calls back (and she will), you are just rubbing salt in your own wounds, while giving her the satisfaction of knowing how hurt you are. I would not even answer the phone. I would go no contact. This makes her wonder why you are so strong, stoic, and not at all broken up about "losing" her. If you really are interested in getting her back, then at least make her hunt you down as if you were an endangered species.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Been quite a while since I have posted anything on here, but I still come and look through threads from time to time and this one has definitely gotten my attention!!! The advice I have read about "breaks/ need space" are SPOT ON!!!!!!!! Great thread! I have heard those dreaded words too and when you are hearing it... IT IS REALLY OVER FOR YA!

 

[Bible_Belt]

when she calls I'm going to be very blunt about it.

"You call me now? After I canceled our vacation and got my money back? After I canceled the tickets I ordered to that show you wanted to see? I thought we were done girl...you used to say you couldn't go an entire day without speaking to me...well now that you're able to, I take the hint, you don't want me anymore! I get it! I'm moving on!"

Try to resist the urge to tell her off. It just shows that you are hurting and that she gets to you. I think the best way to treat an ex is something like, 'no hard feelings, call me if you want to fvck' and then never contact her again. I do get booty calls that way, and take them at my discretion. Make her wonder if you hurt over her; don't show your hand, even if you don't ever want to talk to her again. Her thinking you don't care is still the best revenge.

 

[betterthandead]

Why are some of you guys worked up when someone "breaks" up with you? Life can end in an instant, why worry over dumb crap like that? I get more frazzled when I get laid off because my job does these things that a girl will never do: 1. pay for food 2. pay for shelter 3. pay for everything else. Breaking up a girl will make you lose the following: 1. companionship 2. sex. You might think those are two big things, but if the sex was kinda sucky and the companionship was so/so. Not much of a big loss compared to losing a job.

 

[mrRuckus]

The simple fact that most guys would tell her off OR beg her back means that you should not do those things because most people are functionally retarded. You want to be the "different" guy that she regrets letting go after 3 months of dealing with guys much worse/afc than you.

 

[decades]

Interesting, and I definitely find the logic in this.

Now, would you treat this differently if you had a relationship of any level with a woman and she did something that bothered you, like perhaps had lunch with an ex?


Would you pretend it didn't bother you?

Or would you speak your mind and draw a boundary?

That's impossible to answer without more context into her various behaviors as a GF. Generally speaking I would have a firm boundary regarding Xs, but it depends on the situation.

 

[mintxx]

This is an awesome thread. About six months ago it inspired me to make a decision that made my life 150% better, although I would never have expected it at the time. I think next time I get a moment I'm gonna cruise up the archive and bump all of these 'back to basics' no bullsh!t threads to get rid of all the 'why women are b!tches' and 'help, my gf is an attention wh0re crack addict who slept with my dad, can you help me make her love me again?' threads.

 

[NewMan]

when your woman says 'i think we should take a break', 99.9% of the time its end game.

you see, what she has created a lose lose scenario for you. its a scenario that gives her ALL the power in the relationship moving forward.

It only gives her the power if you allow it to.

if your reaction to this is 'NEXT' and you move on, you have negated her power play and effectively taken over the initiative.

always look to take control of the situation.

 

[jophil28]

so now my question is. isnt the best way to resolve this to have other girls around? so that way u wont get derailed if your girl starts to play games?

No its not. The plate spinning theory is limited in its effectiveness because it encourages you to to 'branch swing' in situations like your's.
Secondly, having more girls (they are women for gawds sake,not "plates" ) around is the quick way to learn NOTHING about how to manage your relationship with ONE woman. and how to conduct yourself when you are immersed in her drama.

Ultimately, jumping from girl to girl like a frog on lillypads is more a maladaptive feminine tactic.

 

[decades]

yeah i just went throught this. the 1st time she wanted a break she said she needed a week but couldnt stop texting or iming me. then 3 days later shes like forget the break and lets just be with eachoter. so fast fwd a couple months the same thing happends after a bunch of fights happend and i couldnt really see her too often. but then she said she wasnt too sure about us and i told her we canget through so she gets happy and says yeah we can. but truth is i FELT her interest fading and i knew it as much as she protested. so the next day i ended up breakinup with her. but i called later in the day for her to take me back and then she wanted to but i said no again. then one last moment of weakness i told her i wanted ot get bak again and this time she said no and then days later. she kepts texting me but i ended up sayin i need to straighten my life and ill get back yo you when i do i admit the feelings are still there but I know that the fact is its over and I should learn from my mistakes.

so now my question is. isnt the best way to resolve this to have other girls around? so that way u wont get derailed if your girl starts to play games?

the best way to resolve this is step back and honestly look at what is happening. Her interest in you as a LT partner is low. Her interest in you as an Orbiter who can help her out on occasion, is High. In situations like this it is best to Eject and cut all contact with the relationship challenged X. She doesn't know what she wants. We all deserve to have someone who knows that we are her top choice. We all deserve an ADULT who knows what they want and will commit to us. This is simply about you being a rational thinking person and realizing that you need to find another person who wants you as much as you want them. The mistake we make is allowing ourselves to be used by the X, once it's obvious it's over, because we don't have the strength and will to end things with finality.

 

[Colossus]

A "break" can basically be summed up as this:

"I don't want to completely cut ties with you. I want to start seeing other people or at least flirt with the idea of seeing other people without feeling uncomfortably guilty about it. Really what this is is a trial break-up; to see if I can find something better in the interim without completely letting go of you and thus being stranded without anybody. My interest is very weak in you right now, otherwise I wouldn't risk this trial break-up. If you start seeing someone else, well, then you're an as$hole and you don't deserve me anyway. If I start seeing someone else, it's because I deserve better and you just didn't bring out the best in me. And when you come back to me trying to patch things up, I will know subconsciously somehow that your frame is forever lost and I can toy with you until you act so desperately I never want to see you again, or until I find someone else, whichever comes first."

 

[darkstarrr]

You want to be the "different" guy that she regrets letting go after 3 months of dealing with guys much worse/afc than you.

bump/STICKY request

walk away with a simple "ok" and a warm smile. don't think just do it.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

...are often done when they have already grasped another branch.

I like this, made me think of the monkey bars and how you don't let go of the last bar until you have a firm grip on the next, just in case you fall.

I don't care that this post is over a year old, it should be bumped every so often.

 

[squirrels]

the only excuses that potentially might warrant a break would...
- a death in her family that messed her up psychologically
- if you've been abusing her verbally / physically
- if she caught you cheating
- if you're banging a MILF with kids and things are getting too out of control and she needs time to get her head together for her kids

If she's asking for a "break" due to a death in the family...you're obviously not close enough to her to "be there for her", whether you THOUGHT you were or not. If you two really had a strong relationship, she'd turn to you for comfort, not away from you. It's time for you to leave her alone and find some other women to date while she collects herself.

If you've been abusing her...CUT THAT SH*T OUT. You don't deserve her anyway. Punk.

If she caught you cheating...be a man and own up to it. Cut her loose and start looking for what was missing from your relationship that made you cheat in the first place.

If you're banging a MILF with kids and things are getting out of control, it's time to cut loose, unless you want to be a stepfather. Her kids will always come first...either take the plunge or GTFO.


What I'm saying is...there really ISN'T an excuse that warrants a "break". A "break" is a "break-up". Now you may both decide to get back together after a period apart, but make no mistake about it. A "break" is basically a "break-up" where one or both parties are afraid to commit to ending it.

Don Juan Tenet #46: When she wants "space", that's what you give her. Lots and lots of "space".

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Her: We need to take a break.

Translation: I need a break from ƒucking just you.

BTW, any girl that's ever used that one on me in the past, we're still on our break now,...

 

[decades]

"break!!" is what blurts out of her mouth when hand contacts branch.

 

[guitaronfire411]

What if she has to return home due to a death in the family and explains that she'll let you know about the arrangements? Should I still be wary when she says that I won't be able to see her for a while?

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

when your woman says 'i think we should take a break', 99.9% of the time its end game.

Your explanation for this is spot on.

In my case, if a situation like this was presented to me, my response would be - 'there is no take-a-break, we break up and be done with it'. The situation needs to be reframed like this to avoid any game playing.