Breaking up.. & moving on?

[sandinista]

Hey all,

OK, this isn't about me, but a friend of mine. He's just recently broke up with a girl after a one month relationship.

He won't really go into too much detail, other than her dad died earlier this year & she's using the excuse that she's just not ready for a relationship right now, ect..

The thing is, she said she just wants some space to sort her head out.

But my friend is (i think) going the completely wrong direction with how he's handling it. The day she broke up with him he went over to her house declaring his love for her,

Then the next day he was MSN straight away & talking to her most the day trying to make out that they're just friends, but now he's saying he wants to buy her a christmas present (which i talked him out of) but he now seems determined to write her a letter with some of his personal feelings & lovey dovey stuff in.

He's my friend, & i want to help him, but it's hard. Do you think what he's doing is the right way to go about it? If not, what can i say to him to approach the situation differently?

 

[Jariel]

If he wants her back, he's going in the complete opposite direction and driving her further away.

I covered this topic in detail with real life examples here. Other people added their own examples too, so maybe you could show him this:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=82346

 

[sandinista]

Thanks for that Jariel.

This has helped remind me of some of the fundimental issues of female logic. I'll try to articulate some of the ideas raised to my friend & hope he sees sense.

He definatly wants her back & has let this break up affect him pretty badly. He even had an exam today & did NO revision becuase he said "he had other things on his mind". It's hard seeing someone who is, well, acting in classic AFC tendicies & i know what he's doing is pushing her away.

But he's REALLY down right now & my continued objections to his ideas & actions isn't helping. I know he needs my support at this moment but i'm finding it difficult to do so when he keeps doing the wrong things with the situation.

Has anyone else had this problem?

 

[Jariel]

No problem, I have been there myself many times before wisening up.

But don't be surprised if your friend rejects your help. I tried helping some of my friends in that situation, but they all thought they knew better and just acted on emotions.

 

[Pakwah]

My only issue i have trouble with is another guy putting his hands on my ex. It is the only thing that bothers me and the idea of them having sex puts the worse feeling in the pit of my stomache. I've been punking her off lately, telling her i can't be her friend...i get chewed out for it...why not...your being rude....don't be stupid...why you being this way....? Of course it ends with....i hope that one day that will change.

Reading that most rebound relationships don't work out after a LTR gives me hope. This new guy is older than me, so i hope smarter and realizes what sort of **** he's going to have to put up with....or won't want to. Unless he is in it just for sex, why would he care about her personality in the first place.

People always think that when you break up and the other moves on, its all roses, truth is, in the beginning, sure, everyone is on their best behavior, soon, its the same thing and problems arise over there too.

I'm going to keep doing what im doing, keeping convo's to a minimum. Most know by now we have a child together, so Xmas will be harder, but she already asked me to drive her to her moms on Xmas, i told her no, I'm not responsible for that anymore. That really pissed her off. Called me all these names in the book....like it's supposed to get to me and change my mind.....