Breaking old habbits (AFCism).

[SecondHalf]

I seem to keep falling in the same rut.
I use an online dating service, not ideal, but … easy.

The duration of these “flings/relationships” are lasting longer, but eventually I turn into an AFC.

I’ve read just about every article pook has written on here as well as Anti-dump, Rollo Tommassi, squirrels, KarmaSutra and countless others (appreciated).

My latest was a two-month romance to a woman that in hindsight, I think was manic. This one hurt and left my confidence broken again. Super high interest level, hot sex, very accommodating then … nothing, emotionally dropped with a lame excuse.

I was spinning plates in the beginning (works great), but at a certain point, found myself exclusive with her as I liked her and thought the families were a good fit.
Once I start to like someone, I wouldn’t want to be one of their plates and it bothers me to be a hypocrite.

Few questions …

I’ve read “The Sixteen Commandments of Poon” and note number 7 (Always keep two in the kitty).
How do you handle plate spinning if you’re heading for exclusivity?
Do you just lie about it?

Also, I kind of like a plan to think about. I was thinking about the DJ boot camp. Is it still valuable for a person my age to do?

Last, thoughts on “Future talk”. Future talk serves as a mechanism to show interest and dedication to the relationship. I do think that it is often the beginning of the end of a relationship (should it occur too early).
Thoughts?

Thanks,

SH

 

[KarmaSutra]

Brother,

To be a man you appreciate you have to first be completely honest. Honest in every sense. What do you honestly want from a woman in the courtship ritual, then into a relationship? What are your boundaries when you're courting women? Can you mentally, physically, and emotionally handle courting more than one woman at the same time?

I can but I've come to find it's too much work to have potential long-term relationships with more than one woman at the same time.

I's getting older. I can't do now what I used to be able to when I was a young, spriteful 36!

Future talk should be a progression. You don't build a skyscraper in a day. You have a plan before-hand, then build a solid foundation, then layer it one floor at a time. One day at a time. You have to realize building a healthy relationship with a woman must be slow. Savor this moment without sacrificing the next.

Love who you are. Go balls deep in your passions. Women will love the man you are.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear SecondHalf,
I can tell by your tone that you see Women as the prize....You are only just entering into your prime...You will be the Prize...Generally I agree with Karmas post...Plates require time but the rewards are not as much Svexual as ego enhancing,success breeds success....It's the confident bloke who pulls the Birds....Karma mentioned honesty....he is right,but not always straight away....when a Woman likes you it is surprising what she will put up with.

 

[MonkeyButt]

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[SecondHalf]

Dear SecondHalf,
I can tell by your tone that you see Women as the prize....

Very perceptive of you Scaramouche.
It's so true that my whole life I've measured my success by the woman on my arm. I have spent some time thinking about this and know it to be unhealthy.

I have another thread started to try to figure out how to find the joy beyond women (although it still has undertones of attracting women about it).
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=185563

Brother,
To be a man you appreciate you have to first be completely honest. Honest in every sense. What do you honestly want from a woman in the courtship ritual, then into a relationship? What are your boundaries when you're courting women? Can you mentally, physically, and emotionally handle courting more than one woman at the same time?

Nope, I can't. If I'm "courting" someone, I'm loyal to them. If I'm dating or trying to get something physical, I'm OK with plates.

Future talk should be a progression. You don't build a skyscraper in a day. You have a plan before-hand, then build a solid foundation, then layer it one floor at a time. One day at a time. You have to realize building a healthy relationship with a woman must be slow. Savor this moment without sacrificing the next.

This is where I have difficulty as it's an ego stroking monster and I allow things to be rushed. The only time my boundaries are maintained and safe is if I have no interest in the woman long term.

Love who you are. Go balls deep in your passions. Women will love the man you are.

Working on it. It's a long journey though. I'll have to start thinking "out of the box" (literally and metaphorically) to attain this mental state.

In the mean time, I'm still motivated to learn new things and try to see and leave behind the errors of the past.

SH