"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

Breaking News.

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Fitch

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This just in: update on Fitch's latest development!

18 May 2005, Wednesday:

On 1:05 A.M. this morning Fitch reports that he will temporarly resign from DJ posting.

Reacts on the Dj thread are touching. "Why Fitch, he was such a helpful guy?" complains a member. "He was such a funny guy; his posts were amusing."

Fitch, shortly announced contact information to those DJs in need.
[email protected].

Sources confirm the accuracy of the contact information provided.

On the podium stood the lean Fitch, leaning on the wooden furnish.

"My fellow DJs" boomed Fitch. "If there is a problem with your g/f, social life, school life, academic life, etc., or just want to chat; e-mail me. If there is something that needs my attention (such as replies to my replies on various threads), e-mail me. [email protected]!"

Before walking off the stage he announces:

"www.j-j-e.blogspot.com is my journal. I will enable the comment option to extend to non-registered viewers, such as yourself.

Here I post random news, facts, my life, etc. Expect the unexpected.

Blog update: I will make the next new post tomorrow, after my study. From that point on I will write daily during the evening hours. Stop by, check it out; drop a comment."

Applause bursts throughout the room, resonating throughout the halls.

This is Kyle reporting for the DJ Daily.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Fitch

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This just IN!

Fitch, interviewed by "CNN," responds that he may drop by a few times over the weekend to post something interesting.

When asked to be specific, he gave us a huge grin, winked.

Like this.:

:D







;)

He alludes it has to do with High School life; tune in this weekend for Fitch's article!
 

Jake-inator

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[LIVE] CNN Breaking News...

Good evening, I'm Paula Zahn...
We have just discovered that Fitch,
posing as a reporter from the DJ Daily,
has been illegitemately utilising writing patented to CNN coverage
to further promote his... "Don Juan" cause.

As of yet, we have have little information about this organization.
However, we can reasonably assume that this is an undercover terrorist network
linked to the recent outbreaks of man-lines all around the country.

The CNN SWAT team, consisting of: Women's Rights Lawyers, Feminists, and Nice Guys has already been deployed, and they are closing off Fitch as we speak.
Stay tuned for further coverage...
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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