Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Breaking hearts

Redeye

New Member
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
1
Reaction score
1
Age
44
Location
UK
After 2 (sometimes 3) dates you know if she's a potential LTR or not (9 times out of 10 she's not). However, after 2 (sometimes 3) dates, sex has also taken place by then.

If the sex is good, you usually go back another couple of times at least. At this point I'm finding that most women are getting kind of attached and want to know "where it's going". They ask the question which ends in the inevitable break up when you tell them how it is.

Maybe I'm going soft but I'm starting to feel bad for them at break up stage. It's to the point where I'm almost reluctant to have sex with them because I know how it's gonna end. On the other hand, I need to have sex and I'm not gonna wait until I find LTR potentials as they are few and far between (plus you need to have sex with them to find out if they are LTR potential).

Anyone else get this and/or have any ideas on how to deal with it?
 

Pan87

Don Juan
Joined
May 31, 2020
Messages
150
Reaction score
227
Age
32
After 2 (sometimes 3) dates you know if she's a potential LTR or not (9 times out of 10 she's not). However, after 2 (sometimes 3) dates, sex has also taken place by then.

If the sex is good, you usually go back another couple of times at least. At this point I'm finding that most women are getting kind of attached and want to know "where it's going". They ask the question which ends in the inevitable break up when you tell them how it is.

Maybe I'm going soft but I'm starting to feel bad for them at break up stage. It's to the point where I'm almost reluctant to have sex with them because I know how it's gonna end. On the other hand, I need to have sex and I'm not gonna wait until I find LTR potentials as they are few and far between (plus you need to have sex with them to find out if they are LTR potential).

Anyone else get this and/or have any ideas on how to deal with it?
Your standards are what women find attractive in you. If you were willing to LTR the first girl you had sex with then YOU would be the one having your heart broken (women have a dog's sense for sniffing out neediness).

There's nothing wrong with having sex with a woman while she is on trial as a potential LTR. It's the way it should be.

Keep it up! As you say, LTR-worthy women are rare. The search continues.
 

Lookatu

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 26, 2017
Messages
912
Reaction score
1,065
Age
47
If women are asking you that question after 2-3 dates then something is wrong with them. On the average, it's usually the 90 day trial period where people only begin to know if there is any LTR potential there.

If you think you're able to know LTR potential after only 2-3 dates, then you are also delusional.

I've had this mentality too before but realized a lot of guys have this false assumptions and image of how a gal is but really it's in their own minds based on ideal settings. But the reality is she only passes the intitial short term compatibility or tolerability test and that's it. It's hard to know past this how well suited she will be for a LTR until you really get to know her.

As for breaking their hearts, as long as you're not talking in LTR sense and manage their expectations, then you shouldn't be breaking their hearts.

Example: "I'm looking for a serious LTR or marriage" vs. "I'd like to find someone that I'm compatible with and hope that it will lead to a serious LTR or marriage. I know I may not find that overnight but I'm willing to date and get to know someone until that happens"
 

Murkserious

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 17, 2017
Messages
2,380
Reaction score
1,432
Age
31
Don't make the mistake I did. I got jaded from over a year of random sex and hookups at let the first half-decent woman with a solid feminine nature come along and suck me into a relationship. I just went along with it for the sake of it. She made me feel good, loved, 18 months later I've just broken up with her and probably wasted a year of her life she could have found a provider to settle down with. I feel very guilty.

I feel a bit lost and empty now, I also invested and wasted my own time here. I won't let it go that far again unless I'm truly 100% interested and believe we have a future.

As for the initial few dates, no, I don't feel heartbreak guilt, as @Lookatu said - it's way too early for that.
 

LARaiders85

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 4, 2016
Messages
8,299
Reaction score
7,739
Age
35
After 2 (sometimes 3) dates you know if she's a potential LTR or not (9 times out of 10 she's not). However, after 2 (sometimes 3) dates, sex has also taken place by then.

If the sex is good, you usually go back another couple of times at least. At this point I'm finding that most women are getting kind of attached and want to know "where it's going". They ask the question which ends in the inevitable break up when you tell them how it is.

Maybe I'm going soft but I'm starting to feel bad for them at break up stage. It's to the point where I'm almost reluctant to have sex with them because I know how it's gonna end. On the other hand, I need to have sex and I'm not gonna wait until I find LTR potentials as they are few and far between (plus you need to have sex with them to find out if they are LTR potential).

Anyone else get this and/or have any ideas on how to deal with it?
They aren't actually attached unless they are very low partner count. Women don't really bond until 8 months in
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

ThisIsSparta

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 3, 2020
Messages
24
Reaction score
25
Age
42
Location
Austria
Maybe I'm going soft but I'm starting to feel bad for them at break up stage. It's to the point where I'm almost reluctant to have sex with them because I know how it's gonna end. On the other hand, I need to have sex and I'm not gonna wait until I find LTR potentials as they are few and far between (plus you need to have sex with them to find out if they are LTR potential).
Been there in my early thirties.

I went through about 5 women (dating, f.cking, etc on purpose of finding a relationship) a year for over a decade, ending up with feelings of guilt and emptiness. Guilty because most of them wanted a relationship with me, empty because i sent all of them away due to the lack of emotions i experienced with them and developed for them.

Back then i was still bluepilled and unaware that no woman would make me "happy" or "make my life great again", that there is no such thing as the "oneitis" and i thought the frequency/speed with which i went through women would make me unable to develop deep emotions.

At this point i stopped f.cking my dates just for the sake of my needs, and it was a really bad move.
This put me in a position of scarcity and into the "sniper mentality" of hunting THE ONE.
The logical outcome was that i ended up not with the best choice for me but with someone that i thought was good enough for my standards and goal to "settle down", "get serious", "man up".

Years later, after i took the red pill, i found out about the error of my ways.


Dont do it, dont feel guilty. Enjoy your life, take everything you can get and see how things develop with your dates. If it doesnt feel right, next them as you please.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
14,639
Reaction score
9,121
Location
DFW, TX
Been there in my early thirties.

I went through about 5 women (dating, f.cking, etc on purpose of finding a relationship) a year for over a decade, ending up with feelings of guilt and emptiness. Guilty because most of them wanted a relationship with me, empty because i sent all of them away due to the lack of emotions i experienced with them and developed for them.

Back then i was still bluepilled and unaware that no woman would make me "happy" or "make my life great again", that there is no such thing as the "oneitis" and i thought the frequency/speed with which i went through women would make me unable to develop deep emotions.

At this point i stopped f.cking my dates just for the sake of my needs, and it was a really bad move.
This put me in a position of scarcity and into the "sniper mentality" of hunting THE ONE.
The logical outcome was that i ended up not with the best choice for me but with someone that i thought was good enough for my standards and goal to "settle down", "get serious", "man up".

Years later, after i took the red pill, i found out about the error of my ways.


Dont do it, dont feel guilty. Enjoy your life, take everything you can get and see how things develop with your dates. If it doesnt feel right, next them as you please.
What are you doing outside of women to make life great?
 

ThisIsSparta

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 3, 2020
Messages
24
Reaction score
25
Age
42
Location
Austria
What are you doing outside of women to make life great?
*Working on my physique, cardio and living a healthy lifestyle in general.
*Working on my independance from "the system"
*Spending time with my son and inner circle of people
*Striving to aquire wisdom and new knowledge every day
*Building/repairing things with my own hands (working in an office all day makes this fullfilling)
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
14,639
Reaction score
9,121
Location
DFW, TX
*Working on my physique, cardio and living a healthy lifestyle in general.
*Working on my independance from "the system"
*Spending time with my son and inner circle of people
*Striving to aquire wisdom and new knowledge every day
*Building/repairing things with my own hands (working in an office all day makes this fullfilling)
That sounds like you got it covered. Personal growth and socialization.
 

AttackFormation

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 2, 2014
Messages
3,717
Reaction score
3,156
Age
27
Location
Sweden
There was a study that showed women take 6-8 months to fall in love while men is like 2-4. You can guess how much earlier women SAY "I love you" than they mean it.
Are we talking about infatuation or love? The distinction between these seems to never be made in the anglosphere. The words exist but people don't use them, only "love".

In swedish there is a very clear distinction between crushing/keen/fond of, infatuation/smitten, and love...

But ive never even been so much as infatuated, so i cant say personally.
 

LARaiders85

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 4, 2016
Messages
8,299
Reaction score
7,739
Age
35
Are we talking about infatuation or love? The distinction between these seems to never be made in the anglosphere. The words exist but people don't use them, only "love".

In swedish there is a very clear distinction between crushing/keen, infatuation/smitten, and love...

But ive never even been so much as infatuated, so i cant say personally.
Love. Infatuation would come much earlier.
 

bat soup

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
333
Reaction score
323
Age
40
The best thing is to avoid getting too involved and giving the impression that you want something serious if that's not really what you want. Avoid things like moving in together or seeing each other every day of the week and you should be able to avoid most of the drama.
 

AttackFormation

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 2, 2014
Messages
3,717
Reaction score
3,156
Age
27
Location
Sweden
Love. Infatuation would come much earlier.
How can you love someone after a few months? That's infatuation/limerence, not love... And what comes earlier than that is crushing.

You guys are nuts... Love is what can only happen if you still like and care for each other after the honeymoon stage.
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

LARaiders85

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 4, 2016
Messages
8,299
Reaction score
7,739
Age
35
How can you love someone after a few months? That's infatuation/limerence, not love... And what comes earlier than that is crushing.

You guys are nuts... Love is what can only happen if you still like and care for each other after the honeymoon stage.
Its self-reported. You can't set your own standard.
 

ThisIsSparta

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 3, 2020
Messages
24
Reaction score
25
Age
42
Location
Austria
How can you love someone after a few months? That's infatuation/limerence, not love... And what comes earlier than that is crushing.

You guys are nuts... Love is what can only happen if you still like and care for each other after the honeymoon stage.
When a woman tells me that she loves me after 2 months, thats a red flag for me.
It clearly indicates to me that she hasnt got a clue what love is, or she thinks i am stupid and has an urgent agenda.

Pesonal record was after 1 week and one week later she told me to f... off.

Besides that i never loved a woman again like the first girlfriend.
And i only remembered what true love feels like some months after my son was born.
 

TheFinalLine

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Aug 24, 2020
Messages
345
Reaction score
274
Age
57
I separate it. There’s love and there’s “in love”.

Love from a woman is not like you’re type of love. It’s different. I do not believe eight months to real love is anything. The proof is the longer you are together he more time she has to reduce and domesticate you if you are living together. That spells “time to breed with yummy type men again” because you are no longer the yummy type.

Now “in love” means she wants to fuk you and be around you as much as possible. It’s not love either. There’s no usable word For it in English.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
14,639
Reaction score
9,121
Location
DFW, TX
I separate it. There’s love and there’s “in love”.

Love from a woman is not like you’re type of love. It’s different. I do not believe eight months to real love is anything. The proof is the longer you are together he more time she has to reduce and domesticate you if you are living together. That spells “time to breed with yummy type men again” because you are no longer the yummy type.

Now “in love” means she wants to fuk you and be around you as much as possible. It’s not love either. There’s no usable word For it in English.
Lust and infatuation. Which is useful.
 

Trojan3000

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 8, 2020
Messages
53
Reaction score
27
Age
28
After 2 (sometimes 3) dates you know if she's a potential LTR or not (9 times out of 10 she's not). However, after 2 (sometimes 3) dates, sex has also taken place by then.

If the sex is good, you usually go back another couple of times at least. At this point I'm finding that most women are getting kind of attached and want to know "where it's going". They ask the question which ends in the inevitable break up when you tell them how it is.

Maybe I'm going soft but I'm starting to feel bad for them at break up stage. It's to the point where I'm almost reluctant to have sex with them because I know how it's gonna end. On the other hand, I need to have sex and I'm not gonna wait until I find LTR potentials as they are few and far between (plus you need to have sex with them to find out if they are LTR potential).

Anyone else get this and/or have any ideas on how to deal with it?
To be honest, and I don't mean to insinuate anyting, but when I used to have guys tell me or ask me about this kinda thing.. I found that the reality ended up being that, in fact, THEY were the ones who would feel bad when sexual relationships ended for whatever reason. So I don't just think its the women. I mean clearly, you made a post about this, saying you're feeling bad. It sounds like you're looking for an LTR ... and nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you gotta accept "im not a player anymore" or "im not ad on juan".. You want to settle down and thats perfectly normal. It seems what hurts is knowing you're not finding the right girl for that LTR.

admittedly, thats how I used to be and still am to an extent.. But I can't complain because im getting action from multiple girls who at times feel like girlfriends. do i fear **** ending? sometimes, but i dont think about it. i get more disappointed when i find a newer, hotter, better personality plate and ruin things with them before anything can really cook up. At 28 , ofc im thinknig more about settling down. Can't be a serial dater forever.

I think what you need to do is what i do and why my guys always call me a farmer is , "plant seeds". they say im always "planting seeds"...What this means, and this is ESSENTIAL in the game, in my opinion, or maybe its just me; is that no matter what, you're constantly collecting new women, whether u get their number, social media add, snapchat, etc.. you're constantly planting seeds everywhere.. that way ur actually having stuff cook up in the meanwhile, so just incase one of your plates falls, you have someone to replace her with.
 
Top