Break up...

[CaptFinnBad]

Had some trouble with my Ex in the summer. I broke up with her, basically issues with PMDD.

Total head f uck at the end of each month, Got back together. She was working on it. Actually had an awesome time after, thought she solved it.

Then she stopped taking the medication the doctors prescribed to control it. Removed the coil. She was alright after. Bit moody but kinda cute. All good.

Then she decided to have a new coil. Boom. It's been a complete cluster F uck since. Big arguments the end of every month.

She initiated the break up at the end of Feb month. It's like clockwork lol. Feels/looks more like a temper tantrum than a breakup (is what it is though).

Of course zero accountability, blame 100% shifted onto me.

Seen her a couple of times since. To pick my stuff up from hers, she came to pick stuff up from mine. She's a bit of a neurotic mess.

Clearly showing me she's in love with me and wants to build a life with me. I swear to god feels like I've been dating a borderline!!!

Advise guys?

Know for a fact if I wanted too, I could get back with her (which I know deep down would be a mistake).

Have lots to focus on. Gym, business, big projects in my property and social stuff.

The problem is the monthly rollercoaster feels like it's intimittant reinforcement and I've become a bit addicted.

1. Focus on gym , business, projects, social.
2. Cut contact (probably easier said than done).

3. To sleep with other women or not?
(*It's filling a hole, But on the flip side it would help me cut her out my life and put finality to it).

Plan?

Moral of the the story. If I hear PMDD come out of a women's mouth. RUN!!!!

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Never get back with an ex

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Never get back with an ex

Lol mabye I should change my name to Captsaveahoe

 

[obelisk]

Don't look back, only forward. Look at it as poisoning the well. Brighter things on the horizon.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What advice would you give a random poster?

Honestly this sounds about as fun as slicing sections of skin off your body every day.

Why would anyone want to live their life like this?

Advice is leave and never look back and then do some long hard work on yourself to figure out why you want to be in toxic relationships.

Something in you enjoys this. You can deny it all you want but if that wasn't the case, you would have left and never looked back. This woman seems psycho.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

What advice would you give a random poster?

Honestly this sounds about as fun as slicing sections of skin off your body every day.

Why would anyone want to live their life like this?

Advice is leave and never look back and then do some long hard work on yourself to figure out why you want to be in toxic relationships.

Something in you enjoys this. You can deny it all you want but if that wasn't the case, you would have left and never looked back. This woman seems psycho.

I guess it has become like a slot machine. Intermittent reinforcement.

Amazing highs and lows lows. Chasing the highs, forgetting the lows. Slowly become addicted to chucking coins in not noticing you're bank balance dwindling.

Logical part of me. Women have always come pretty easily to me. I'd probably be happier just doing my things. Chilling with my dog, spinning plates.

Possibly not far off addiction. I don't know. It's a mind fu ck being treated like a god most the time then flipping to pretty much hating me at the end of the month in the space of minutes.

Stubbornness, Mabye, thinking I can game my way through the ****ty part if the month ?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I guess it has become like a slot machine. Intermittent reinforcement.

Amazing highs and lows lows. Chasing the highs, forgetting the lows. Slowly become addicted to chucking coins in not noticing you're bank balance dwindling.

Logical part of me. Women have always come pretty easily to me. I'd probably be happier just doing my things. Chilling with my dog, spinning plates.

Possibly not far off addiction. I don't know. It's a mind fu ck being treated like a god most the time then flipping to pretty much hating me at the end of the month in the space of minutes.

Stubbornness, Mabye, if only i could avoid the ****ty part if the month ?

But you can't and you know you can't. It's not how it works with those type of women. It's a constant rollercoaster ride. Choose to get off.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Edit: If you're focusing on other things to not remember her, its wrong, you're bottling down your emotions, numbing the pain, keep doing what you're doing, but also, feel the pain, it won't kill you, your body needs to let the sad emotion out as crying, same as when you're happy and laughing.

Hard to explain... Been few a few break ups over the years. Usually it doesn't bother me. Just be sad for a week, move on be alright.

This one is different.

I'd be focusing on those things to avoid getting sucked back in. This woman is my kryptonite.

 

[soulforge]

I guess it has become like a slot machine. Intermittent reinforcement.

Amazing highs and lows lows. Chasing the highs, forgetting the lows. Slowly become addicted to chucking coins in not noticing you're bank balance dwindling.

Logical part of me. Women have always come pretty easily to me. I'd probably be happier just doing my things. Chilling with my dog, spinning plates.

Possibly not far off addiction. I don't know. It's a mind fu ck being treated like a god most the time then flipping to pretty much hating me at the end of the month in the space of minutes.

Stubbornness, Mabye, thinking I can game my way through the ****ty part if the month ?

Bro getting back with en Ex is 99% of times a mistake.

Sounds like a rollercoaster of a ride of a relationship.

This relationship sounds like what a borderline relationship would be, extreme highs & lows.

Can you seriously see yourself sustaining this type of relationship for the next 20 or 30 years?

Imagine trying to raise children, run a business, or tie yourself financially with someone who is this chaotic?

I experienced something very similar myself with a borderline.. Give it some time.. You will get over it..

You don't want to be with someone who brings Chao's to your life.. You need to find a woman who gives you peace.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

But you can't and you know you can't. It's not how it works with those type of women. It's a constant rollercoaster ride. Choose to get off.

I know man, you're right.

It clearly runs pretty deep. Something in me that's kept me in this chaos, I guess first step is figuring that out.

Had real healthy relationships prior to this mostly, longest being 7 years with a different ex that was the opposite of this.

Stable and real healthy. No rollercoaster. Just easy.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I know man, you're right.

It clearly runs pretty deep. Something in me that's kept me in this chaos, I guess first step is figuring that out.

Had real healthy relationships prior to this mostly, longest being 7 years with a different ex that was the opposite of this.

Stable and real healthy. No rollercoaster. Just easy.

Could it be the excitement it generates whereas the other one was maybe a little boring?

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Could it be the excitement it generates whereas the other one was maybe a little boring?

No my 7 year ex was anything but boring!!! She was stunning, exciting, had a passion for life , was stable, level headed, so much fun and full of joy.

We were going to have a baby and everything.

It only went tits up, because we were living in a different country to our home country's for the 7 years we were together.

The plan was to move back to my home country eventually, but over the years there was signs she was becoming more and more tied to the country we were in.

Slowly I began to see she didn't want to leave/wouldn't leave that country, she grew roots.

COVID hit. I was unable to visit my family for a long time!!! I missed them. I couldn't grow the same roots as she had put down. I felt torn between two places.

The thought of the baby had me torn too. If I had it I would be choosing to never go back home.

So I abandoned the idea, then put less avd less in to the relationship.

I choose home over her. We both knew it. Tried to ignore it for a while until it ended.


My recent ex. She's very different. Intense. Worships me in a sense. Like I'm everything to her.
There is something very alluring about that intensity, passion and absolute dedication.

It's hard to explain. The moments we share are literally breathtaking. She always shows up , puts in work, it's not the exciting bits either , just everyday life too.

The downside. Is she's started throwing hand grenades.

So I'm guessing 80% it's perfect other 20% it's ****.


I keep telling myself contraception is causing it . Mabye I'm using it as an excuse ???

We've been together 2 years now long enough for it to be sorted by now, realistically .

Part of me thinks i'll just game my way through the **** part and hope she sorts herself out.


Realistically probably incapable of stability and I just keep making up excuses for her.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Sounds like your brain has become addicted to the highs and lows. You’re 39, how old is she? How is your SMV compared to hers?

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Sounds like your brain has become addicted to the highs and lows. You’re 39, how old is she? How is your SMV compared to hers?

Around the same age.

SMV is way above hers if I'm being honest.

It honestly feels like addiction.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Ok imo get back to your basics, focus on you. Bang when possible since you find her so attractive.

She’s a plate now, dry weather use only…and start prowling for one or two spares try for ones that are different than her. The addiction will slowly subside as you start getting your G protein–coupled receptors activated by other dopamine providers…

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Ok imo get back to your basics, focus on you. Bang when possible since you find her so attractive.

She’s a plate now, dry weather use only…and start prowling for one or two spares try for ones that are different than her. The addiction will slowly subside as you start getting your G protein–coupled receptors activated by other dopamine providers…

Honestly I know it's probably the wrong way to go about it, but this is why I want to just say **** it and go out and sleep with different women.

Just to clear my head. Two things stopping me.

1. Afraid without getting grounded first and back to myself. I'll get lured in by crazy.

2. I have a sense of loyalty to my ex .

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

You’re broken up, do it. Or do you guys get back together and always play the “no there’s not been anyone else” game…

If so one or both of you have lied once or twice…so truly not sure it matters…

 

[obelisk]

The classic addicted to the extremes of BPD. It never ends well.