"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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break up rules by penkitten very funny

penkitten

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1 throw away all your underwear and go buy new ones
dont let anyone new catch you in something an ex saw you in.
2 at least one time, get some friends together and tell them to treat you to a "im single/broke up/ divorce " party. get wasted and dance with anyone you can. tell them its your birthday and that your girl left you for some punk at her work.
3 everytime you get all weepy and are reminded of her because some cheesy song comes on the radio, drink epatac, it will associate her with vomit and help when it comes to no contact.
4 change your cologne, its time to attrack a new mate.
5 just because you are attracking a new mate, doesnt mean you have to settle down for a long time, so you ride that wave as long as you can until you yearn for a relationship again.
6 if you ever see her out in a club now that you are single, make like you dont see her if possible and go dance with the hottest chick you can even if you have to tell her that your buddy bet you a beer that you couldnt. if its not possible, just say "wassupp" and pass by. make it like she doesnt bother you at all .
7. pack up her remains , the faster your not looking at pictures the better.
8 call your mother and say mother why didnt you tell me shed break my heart? mothers will see that you eat and dont get depressed and will start checking out the chicks you date and let you know up front what kind of girl she is. your mother is smart and loves you, send your mother roses for never leaving you.
9 crank up these hot hits:
i will survive by cake
song for the dumped by ben folds five
ohio is for lovers by hawthorne heights
deeper than down by outspoken
my letter by flaw
10 remember to keep humor in your life or you will shirvel up and die and i hope something on this list made you laugh twice. there are other fish in the sea, let go of the shark and go up for air, a dolphin will come along shortly and you can ride the waves with her. however if you dont let go of the shark, you will never see the dolphin and the shark will kill you. you never know how many fish will come your way before the dolphin arrives, so be on your toes and mingle.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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you got that info from one of those blantantly feminist key chain trinkets that put all females in denial about their obvious desire to actually do the opposite didn't you?
 

penkitten

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Originally posted by Dimebag_Darrell
you got that info from one of those blantantly feminist key chain trinkets that put all females in denial about their obvious desire to actually do the opposite didn't you?
no i was over at loveshack.com and some dude was having trouble becoming an exboyfriend and made a thread and this is what i told him.
thought i should post it here too.
these are things i used to do that seemed to help me. well i never drank epatac haha.
feel free to add to my humorous list if you have something consturctive to say, however dont knock it.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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