Break up or move in together

[Digitz]

Gentlemen,

I come here again only when I'm in trouble and need input. Yours would be appreciated.

SITREP:
Dating a girl in Los Angeles for the last year and couple months. She's very beautiful, sweet, young (24 yrs) and fun. I'm in love with her and she's in love with me, we have a good time together and have lots of sex...great.
The problem is, I feel like there's a fundamental difference in our personalities that makes us incompatible. I am looking for a woman that will challenge and inspire me to grow, while she seems more of a content and carefree, go with whatever I (myself) say sort of flow. It's easy but I can't help feeling that there is something missing or something more I want. I find myself controlling and leading this girl more than anything else in every way.

So, it's coming to a head as I just moved across the country and she wants to come. I'd said to give me a couple months to get my bearings and then we would see. We're now at that point and one part of me wants her to come, to have something tangible from my old life that is stable. On the other hand, I want to experience everything new in this city alone and really become more comfortable and reliant on myself. I've never really been alone before - this seems like the time.

Deciding between a current love that may or may not go somewhere and personal development for a more fulfilling life seem to be the stakes.

My gut reaction is that I need to let this go and head toward more fulfillment even while it comes with the necessary pain period of breakup and heartbreak.

The other aspects of this is age, 30, which is what I am now. I have a fear of not finding another as young, beautiful and loyal girl as this one. I tell myself this is just fear and not the better part of myself speaking.

This is my weakness I guess; I'm looking for validation in ending something fine for personal development knowing that the pain will outweigh the short term benefits but will benefit myself over the long run.

F*ck I hate this weakness.

Thoughts?

 

[JustOlder_!]

she likes you because you are leading and directing. That's what a women feast on mentally.
As far as inspiring you to grow? forget it. A women never inspires a man to grow - men grow on there own and take. Women make you grow by testing you in all sorts of ways. Its just biology.

I think your 1 main problem is this gal has not a lot of zest or drive.
Can you live with that type of a person? I don't know - I would be looking at how she keeps her own home, ambition etc. Also, she has to really like and be good at sex. You can't put a price on crazy sex or if all the sudden she will shut her legs and get fat at the first sign of problem. Gals run on emotion not logic and you best have a steady boat....... ..... If she is coming out there - its for marriage. I can't tell you if you will find better as your getting into baggage with anything over 26. ...... I was married at 32 and divorced at 42. Wisdom and time never did me any good. My x was lazy and dropped off the deep end mentally - but I missed it and "mental" oneitis at the time did me in. I consider myself smart - 2 degrees. World experience. Everyone has to roll the dice.. but just remember - if you get in and its not working ...you get out at 40 with a kid. Its not all bad. You just start over and f older women by the dozens if yo want. Good luck.

 

[Slickster]

The problem is, I feel like there's a fundamental difference in our personalities that makes us incompatible. I am looking for a woman that will challenge and inspire me to grow, while she seems more of a content and carefree, go with whatever I (myself) say sort of flow.

This is an odd statement. If you need someone else (especially a woman) to challenge and inspire you then THAT is your main weakness. You are setting yourself up for big time failure with that mindset.

So, it's coming to a head as I just moved across the country and she wants to come.

Well from how you describe her she sounds like a lot of guy's dream girl. That is probably a silly notion but still there are a lot of people who would kill for a chick like that.

The fact that you moved away from her speaks volumes about your feelings. It's not going to work let it go.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Do not do it. California=Palimony.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

If she comes out there, she's going to be living with you. Suppose things don't work out and you break up. She'll still be there because she's alone, doesn't know anyone, likely won't have a job because she's living with you. She'll probably demand $$ from you to help her move out or whatever.

Sure there's plenty of good things that could come from it, but you need to be prepared if it doesn't work out.

Also, you're 30? You will have no problem snagging 18 year old if you have even some moderate level of game.

 

[samspade]

Your gut instinct and all your logical reasons for wanting to be alone and self-reliant are sound and most likely correct.

It's only because you like and possibly love her that the decision is so difficult. It's okay to admit that. The fear of never finding another woman is just that - a fear. You will be fine.

 

[sodbuster]

When I got Divorced from my "challenging woman" AKA "b1tch" who knew more about everything than I did. I was in Heaven. SINCE the Divorce 8 years ago, my net worth has tripled from what she left me.... best 200k I ever spent.

Be careful what you wish for.... challenging women can be a major PITA

 

[The_411]

Pretty simple look at the two choices you gave break-up or move in. Moving in together is a capitulation. Those choices are two opposing dichotomies.

Don't waste time money and effort on something that you're not even all that enthused about ...