Break up blues help to man up and out

[JerseyJulz]

hey guys,
i just got left by my girl after we moved down to FL from NJ together. we were down her for about 4 months before she decided to move back to NJ, saying she missed her family and that the move back was "for us", so she could get her head right. i am now here in FL with a year lease on a expensive apt, a car loan and dog that all have both our names on them. She has not checked in or show any sign of caring at all since she left. so i had contacted her, i know another mistake, and she has blown me off or quickly rushed me away every time. Im pretty sure she is already with a new guy, or 2, from her instagram posts( i know bata as f***), so i don't know what to do. i have a lot of debt and a lot of heart ache. Is there any way to recover? weather making her miss me or just moving on back into the world? Please help me out to get over this oneitis and back in the game. Thank you.

p.s. she also doesn't want to change our relationship status on FB...WTF??

 

[apprenticedj]

So sorry to hear about your situation Jersey. She seems disconnected from the relationship and is more than likely plotting to end it with you soon. I would suggest a pre-emptive break up.

Call her up and tell her it's over. Tell her she's on the hook for all the shared bills but don't be an ******* about it. Don't cry, beg, give her a chance etc. Just be matter of fact and cool about everything.

When you pull the rug on her she be shocked eventhough she's already planning to end it. See, women love to do things on their terms, she wants to dump you but she just hasn't found the time yet.

Turn the tables and watch her crumble.

 

[JerseyJulz]

Thanks for the advice.

So sorry to hear about your situation Jersey. She seems disconnected from the relationship and is more than likely plotting to end it with you soon. I would suggest a pre-emptive break up.

It feels like we are already broken up, are you saying she wants to keep fb saying were together so she can end it her own way?
I had called her a few days ago and said i think we should give each other our stuff back and go our separate ways, when i did this she freaked and said she would take her name off everything, the Apt., car, (Things that i cant afford without her cosigning) even take my the dog, and make sure i had nothing. i dont get what shes trying to accomplish or why she wouldn't let things just end. i'm going NC with her from today on to see how that goes. Other then that i'm still lost on what to do.

 

[JerseyJulz]

How DARE you not make her pvssy wet at all times!?!?! You dont DESERVE a dog or any stuff, scum. Maybe fvcking you over like this will help her orgasm quicker with the new guy.

Also they want the power at all times which means you are not allowed to be OK with the breakup.

... so im confused on what your saying here..

 

[Don-Kong]

Show compassion to yourself, but don't expect it from others. Stop berating yourself for mistakes or beta behaviour.

It sounds like you've gone through a hurtful time. Raw, difficult emotionally. So be kind to yourself.

There's no point in 'trying to make her miss you', she's in a different head space and it's unclear what she is thinking. Focus instead on a strategy of feeling better, more peaceful and centred so that you can constructively deal with the situation you are in.

It appears she wants space, she left, but did she properly end it? Or are you guys in limbo? She wants her name off the stuff and you called to give her the stuff back? Either way your focus should now be on getting yourself sorted financially etc.

Set aside some 'grieving time' in the evening where you allow yourself to think about her or be upset. But use your day time to strictly not think about her and get on with your life where you are now. This creates a boundary so you don't slow yourself to be flooded with emotion constantly through the day.

As for everything else, provide some more background info.

 

[MOTU]

This is over Bro, manage your exit wisely

Thanks for the advice.
It feels like we are already broken up, are you saying she wants to keep fb saying were together so she can end it her own way?

So she is saying - "I don't care how YOU feel, I want to end it in the way that creates the least guilt and social shame for me."

I had called her a few days ago and said i think we should give each other our stuff back and go our separate ways, when i did this she freaked and said she would take her name off everything, the Apt., car, (Things that i cant afford without her cosigning) even take my the dog, and make sure i had nothing.

Is she paying her half of the rent and car note? Point of clarification: she CANNOT just "take her name off" of anything. She is on the hook just like you are. And do you really think she'll just come take the dog? DO NOT GIVE IN TO HER THREATS.
On the apartment: can you afford to stay there without her paying her half? Do you each have your own separate lease or are you on a joint lease? I would go to the office of the apartments and tell them she has moved out and ask what your options are. They probably won't let you out of your lease but they may let you "trade down" if they have a lower rent apartment available AND they think they can rent yours. Post the answers to those questions and the results of your discussion with the office and we can figure out next steps from there.

On the car: I am assuming if her name is on the note it's also on the title. If that is the case, you have two options: a) sell the car (this is my advice, as it's cleanest) or b) write a contract with her that she will sell you her half in exchange for you making her payments. The contract needs to stipulate that once the title is released by the note holder that she will immediately sign it over to you. You also need a bill of sale to go with the contract.

The dog is with you, it's yours. She moved out and abandoned it. If you are concerned about this, call the sheriff's dept (non emergency number) and ask them. If you are polite and explain the situation truthfully I imagine they will be helpful.

i dont get what shes trying to accomplish or why she wouldn't let things just end. i'm going NC with her from today on to see how that goes. Other then that i'm still lost on what to do.

Yea I dunno, could be a power thing, or wanting to keep her options open, no telling. But it is already over. You need to untangle immediately. Stop asking her for permission to do anything and start getting your life in order so you can move on.

 

[JerseyJulz]

the background and details

Is she paying her half of the rent and car note? Point of clarification: she CANNOT just "take her name off" of anything. She is on the hook just like you are. And do you really think she'll just come take the dog? DO NOT GIVE IN TO HER THREATS.
On the apartment: can you afford to stay there without her paying her half? Do you each have your own separate lease or are you on a joint lease? I would go to the office of the apartments and tell them she has moved out and ask what your options are. They probably won't let you out of your lease but they may let you "trade down" if they have a lower rent apartment available AND they think they can rent yours. Post the answers to those questions and the results of your discussion with the office and we can figure out next steps from there.

On the car: I am assuming if her name is on the note it's also on the title. If that is the case, you have two options: a) sell the car (this is my advice, as it's cleanest) or b) write a contract with her that she will sell you her half in exchange for you making her payments. The contract needs to stipulate that once the title is released by the note holder that she will immediately sign it over to you. You also need a bill of sale to go with the contract.

With the car situation i am paying for the car itself, yet it is financed. The only way i was able to get the financing from the back was to have her name on the title and the financing paperwork. im going to try to refinance it but i just got it so that is gonna take some time.

as far as the apt: yes she paid her part last month, this is all still very recent so i dont know if it will continue. Also i dont know if they have a lower model available, and the rent is a little steep but i may be able to afford it on my own. as far as telling them that she is gone they would need to see that i make 3x the rent a month in order to sign the lease over to just me, as it is in both of our names now. also as an added fun point her mom signed as a guarantor on the lease.

and your totally right there is no way im gonna let her take the dog.

It appears she wants space, she left, but did she properly end it? Or are you guys in limbo? She wants her name off the stuff and you called to give her the stuff back?

When she left she had said that this was going to help us. she was upset taht she had missed her family and had just returned from visiting them for a week. i picked her up from the airport that monday and she told me she had to go home and was going to pack her things and leave. i cried and pleaded with her not to go but after we talked about it it was decided that it would be best, as we were fighting a lot, not having sex and becoming distent. so we spent the next few days together like everything was perfect until her train left that friday morning. Once it left she called me the next day to let me know her train came in and she was home, then she cut the conversation short saying she was going to a party with her sister... RED FLAG right there. ever since she has been home she has been ice cold and it reminded me of how she was when she had cheated on me when i first moved down here. yet before she left she had said that she would be back and everything would be better then ever...
I went out with some folks from work had a great time and a few to many drinks. woke up the next morning with a nasty hangover and even nastier text from her saying how a called her when i was wasted and left her a message saying how much i hated her and she was a ***** and so on and so forth, i don't remember this as i was blacked out. i talked to her the next day and apologized for what i said but she was still angry and saying how she was done. i said to that "okay" and suggested giving our stuff back and moving on. thats when she freaked out and said she would make sure i was "ruined" if i wanted to do that. if i was saying things were over then she would do all those things she threatened. that was the last time i spoke to her like i said i've been doing NC and was gonna stick with it. so i guess its kind of a limbo state, but its not its obviously over. i just read pook's post "broken up? NO" and that helped a bit.

P.s. thank you guys for the support.