Hey! Im still in High school. I talk to lots of people, im not shy or anything. Theres this girl i started talking to though, I had seen her around school she seemed really quiet (and so she is.) Shes a real cool girl, shes attractive n all. We chilled and went to the movies once before but i had to do like 70% of the conecersation initiation. Its always like this with her. Im the one that starts up a conversation. Shes like this with pretty much everyone though except her girlfriends. Lots of guys asked her out to the prom, she rejected them (I over heard many of the times.) I asked her and she accepted, so thats a sign of some interest no? Im interested in her as more than a friend, but its real hard to get to know someone when the other person has this wall i need to tear down. I make her laugh a lot, but she just doesnt spark a conversation. We were gonna go out this weekend but shes workin, so thats not gonna happen. N shes agreed to go out with me quickly as if interested, but at the same time she shows no dam emotions! NO EXCITEMENT! Ive accually told her about the uncomfotable silences, she says its just cus shes thinkin bout things... but they happen really often. ahaha i feel like an AFC writting this:nervous:. Should i play her game too and keep quiet also? Im really stumped on this chick. I started talking to her like 2 months ago by the way. And i know i got pretty good conversational skills. LOL its almost as if I have to break the ice everytime i see her! DJ's Enlighten me!!
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break the ice OVER AND OVER AGAIN??!!
- Thread starter primeone
- Start date
What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.
You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
if you're trying to be friends with her then just be friendly. seriously no game is needed if you're trying to be friends. however if that was bull**** and you really want this girl, i'd drop my interest to around 0 and see if that elicits some interst in her because right now the IL seems pretty damn low.
^^^
Totally agree.
You have nothing going for you. Not only are you permitting bad behavior (ignoring you, silences, not being estatic to see you), you're rewarding it with more attention. Imagine a prince getting this kind of treatment from a woman, she'd be slapped up and hung.
We don't really do that nowadays, but you get the jist of it. If I were being treated by a woman this way, I'd move on to something else or someone else and if she IS in fact interested, she'll come after me. And if she isn't, no loss, no work.
You've degraded yourself because she's a real cool girl and she's attractive. If a man was treating you this way, would you be doing all this push push pursuing. Fuck no.
You probably aren't going to listen to this advice, since you're and high school and probably intend to "listen to your heart" and whatever crap that is. But you're doing all the wrong things and unless she's THAT insecure, it isn't going to work out. And if it does work out for some weird HD reason, she will be acting this way all along the relationship.
Make a choice.
Totally agree.
You have nothing going for you. Not only are you permitting bad behavior (ignoring you, silences, not being estatic to see you), you're rewarding it with more attention. Imagine a prince getting this kind of treatment from a woman, she'd be slapped up and hung.
We don't really do that nowadays, but you get the jist of it. If I were being treated by a woman this way, I'd move on to something else or someone else and if she IS in fact interested, she'll come after me. And if she isn't, no loss, no work.
You've degraded yourself because she's a real cool girl and she's attractive. If a man was treating you this way, would you be doing all this push push pursuing. Fuck no.
You probably aren't going to listen to this advice, since you're and high school and probably intend to "listen to your heart" and whatever crap that is. But you're doing all the wrong things and unless she's THAT insecure, it isn't going to work out. And if it does work out for some weird HD reason, she will be acting this way all along the relationship.
Make a choice.
Qmanchoo
Don Juan
You're making this hard on yourself because A. You like her B. She's a bit of a challenge since you want her to open up and you're putting in a lot of effort with someone who is giving little in return. However it's only been 1 date correct?
You're in highschool...at least from my past experiences some girls can be extremely quiet and reserved especially if they don't deal with guys a lot. Some will take a while to warm up.
She's probably extremely open around her GF's because she's also 110% comfortable around them.
Just because she's not jumping all over his balls and being a super conversationalist on the first date doesn't mean she's acting poorly. It may just be extreme shyness not bad behavior...primeone has to figure out which because both require different approaches. However, I agree somewhat with your idea that if he moves on he'll A. save himself a headache B. Gauge her interest level because if he gets a "I miss you" AIM or something after the fact he's golden. However...if she's a shy girl he may never get that AIM while for a long time it's on her mind.
Personally. A girl without conversation skills or one that I have to take a long time to get “warmed up to me” is a royal pain in my ass and I’d find someone with a bit more experience / comfort with people in general. I say this because if it develops into something more in the future that will _always be a problem _ and it will iritate the hell out of you "You want to go to party X and be social and have fun" she ... "wants to stay home a watch TV because shes a quiet person and doesn't like big social gatherings"
Just something to think about.
And my final thought...if you really like her and just want some experience...give this a shot a few more times and DO SOMETHING INTERESTING AND FUN on you next date to get her excited! Movies = BORING of course she wont be excited. lol. Try 2-3 more dates to see if she openes up. I don't think you're in too bad of a standing right now, you just nee to pump up the volume a little. Too many people just cop out at the first sign of disinterest "oh she might not like me" ohh boo hoo, when it's completely possibly to take a girl with 60% interest level and shoot it up to 95%. I mean, you're in highscool. Training ground. Try a few things out.
EDIT: When people say "well if she really wanted to be with me it woudln't matter where we went" Stupid thoughts! Yeah, sure, when you are 2 years into a relationship! You get her feeling great around you, take her to an amusement park, and she will associate thoe good "electric" feelings with YOU because she is with you while she's feeling them. Right now you have "at the movies" feelings associated with you lol.
You're in highschool...at least from my past experiences some girls can be extremely quiet and reserved especially if they don't deal with guys a lot. Some will take a while to warm up.
She's probably extremely open around her GF's because she's also 110% comfortable around them.
Just because she's not jumping all over his balls and being a super conversationalist on the first date doesn't mean she's acting poorly. It may just be extreme shyness not bad behavior...primeone has to figure out which because both require different approaches. However, I agree somewhat with your idea that if he moves on he'll A. save himself a headache B. Gauge her interest level because if he gets a "I miss you" AIM or something after the fact he's golden. However...if she's a shy girl he may never get that AIM while for a long time it's on her mind.
Personally. A girl without conversation skills or one that I have to take a long time to get “warmed up to me” is a royal pain in my ass and I’d find someone with a bit more experience / comfort with people in general. I say this because if it develops into something more in the future that will _always be a problem _ and it will iritate the hell out of you "You want to go to party X and be social and have fun" she ... "wants to stay home a watch TV because shes a quiet person and doesn't like big social gatherings"
Just something to think about.
And my final thought...if you really like her and just want some experience...give this a shot a few more times and DO SOMETHING INTERESTING AND FUN on you next date to get her excited! Movies = BORING of course she wont be excited. lol. Try 2-3 more dates to see if she openes up. I don't think you're in too bad of a standing right now, you just nee to pump up the volume a little. Too many people just cop out at the first sign of disinterest "oh she might not like me" ohh boo hoo, when it's completely possibly to take a girl with 60% interest level and shoot it up to 95%. I mean, you're in highscool. Training ground. Try a few things out.
EDIT: When people say "well if she really wanted to be with me it woudln't matter where we went" Stupid thoughts! Yeah, sure, when you are 2 years into a relationship! You get her feeling great around you, take her to an amusement park, and she will associate thoe good "electric" feelings with YOU because she is with you while she's feeling them. Right now you have "at the movies" feelings associated with you lol.
redbyte
Don Juan
HOLY CRAP!
You sound exactly like your in my situation right now.
I asked this chick to the formal (she said yes), who has really bad conversation skills, and I do all the talking. Now she flirts with some other guy and doesn't show much interest level to me. I'm starting to regret asking her to the formal. Coz shes not happy to be around me, and continually says, "Im bored".
On Monday I'm gunna try the silent treatment thing.
Let me know how you go, and if you got that interest level back up, tell me what you did!
You sound exactly like your in my situation right now.
I asked this chick to the formal (she said yes), who has really bad conversation skills, and I do all the talking. Now she flirts with some other guy and doesn't show much interest level to me. I'm starting to regret asking her to the formal. Coz shes not happy to be around me, and continually says, "Im bored".
On Monday I'm gunna try the silent treatment thing.
Let me know how you go, and if you got that interest level back up, tell me what you did!
It doesn't have to be the movies, but the point is, be in control and be in charge of what you want, not what she wants. You don't need an amusement park to make her feel estatic about you. She shouldn't have to associate locations to you. She should associate you to yourself.
I've taken girls out with me to send out mail or to Kinkos or to the store to buy some stuff. Basic stuff, we usually get ice cream or do something after I'm done with my errands, but the point is that the woman should have fun with you and it should be visible. You don't have to DO something interesting and fun, you just have to BE interesting and fun. Otherwise, you'll be craving more interesting and fun places to go or things to do. Just be that person and she'll have fun with you wherever you go.
He shouldn't question what she does. Why she acts the way she acts, why this and why that. He shouldn't care that much about that sort of stuff. The main point is both of you should be having fun together. Now if you're the one annoyed, one person isn't fufilling their role, either as friend or dating potential.
Have you initiated kino and found responses?
I've taken girls out with me to send out mail or to Kinkos or to the store to buy some stuff. Basic stuff, we usually get ice cream or do something after I'm done with my errands, but the point is that the woman should have fun with you and it should be visible. You don't have to DO something interesting and fun, you just have to BE interesting and fun. Otherwise, you'll be craving more interesting and fun places to go or things to do. Just be that person and she'll have fun with you wherever you go.
He shouldn't question what she does. Why she acts the way she acts, why this and why that. He shouldn't care that much about that sort of stuff. The main point is both of you should be having fun together. Now if you're the one annoyed, one person isn't fufilling their role, either as friend or dating potential.
Have you initiated kino and found responses?
havnt tried MUCH keno. Im gonna give it a try. I have noticed that complements dont do much with her. I dont do heavy compliments, and i dont complement her saying things like "wow ur beatiful," just wanted to point that out. Im thinking about giving her a silent treatement too, do u guys agree?
Don't give her the silent treatment. That's overduing it. You'll be going up to her and instead of talking with her, make it awkward on her. JUST back off a bit and let things follow it's natural groove. She WILL be pushing towards you if you do back off just slightly. Have something else to do that's more important than sitting around and holding 70% of the conversation, which is basically entertaining her anyways.
You can try to get back at her for what she did a couple nights before. Just be firm, be aggressive, and aim at what you want AND know how to get it.
You can try to get back at her for what she did a couple nights before. Just be firm, be aggressive, and aim at what you want AND know how to get it.